Secrets (BxB) ✅

12: going out

A/N: I told you I would update regularly!! By the way, things get gay in this hehe, Zedd will finally be testing the waters outside of his closet 😉

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Zedd

I was immensely glad when I got home that Friday night to realise that my father had already left on his business trip. To Mumbai, I think. I would have a little time to prepare myself before he yells at me for jeopardising my soccer with detention. Furthermore, it meant I was free to do whatever the fuck I wanted all weekend without risking running into my father. Which was very important considering my plan for Saturday night.

I lazed around on Saturday, sleeping in to make up for my lost sleep the night before. I did some homework, watched some tv, and watched time tick by with growing apprehension. I had the plan all set in my head, but idea of putting it to action grew more and more daunting as time went by, and I tried to find more and more excuses as why I shouldn't go through with it.

But then evening hit and it was time to put my plan to action. And I was fucking terrified. But I decided that I needed to stop being a coward. After an awkward dinner with my mum, I drank two beers that I found at the back of the fridge (when my mum wasn't around) in an effort to give myself strength. It worked I guess, as I found myself telling my mum through her bedroom door that I was going out to a party, and locked myself up in my room.

It was time to put Operation Rainbow into action.

Okay stop. Don't laugh at me. I know you are. But what else was I meant to call it? I wasn't gay. Nope. But I might have a teeny weeny bit of rainbow inside me. Maybe. And I was going to find out if it was an actual rainbow or just a pretend rainbow that was messing with my brain.

The only way I was able to make myself do this was by putting myself in the mind of an actor. This wasn't me. This was just a role I was playing. I was acting. I was wearing a costume, clothes I would never dare out otherwise. I was pretending to be someone that wasn't the real me. It couldn't be the real me. It couldn't.

I found a pale green tank top in the back of my closet that I cut shaggily with a pair of scissors to make into a croptop. On, it showed half of my six-pack and looked good with my eyes. I struggled into an old pair of grey jeans that were now tight enough to be called skinny. Looking at myself in the mirror, I realised that however much I had admired Mitch's bubble butt, I had one too. But I put Mitch out of my mind. I couldn't have in my mind tonight. A pair of black Doc Martens finished the look and for a moment I felt conceited that I was admiring myself in my mirror.

But my outfit wasn't complete yet. No, the big part, the part that had my hands shaking and my heart fluttering, wasn't done yet. The part that made me want to pretend that it was all an act and that I didn't actually want to do it. Because, deep down, I did. And that was not a very straight thing.

I stood in front of my bathroom mirror, regarding Stephanie's make up kit critically. I had spread out her stuff beside the sink and was trying to figure out what to do. I had watched my mum put on makeup before going out to events with my father many times before, so, embarrassingly enough, I actually knew what everything was for. My green top already matched my eyes, wearing green eye shadow would be too much. No, I wanted the glitter. Grabbing a brush, a streaked my eyelids and my cheekbones, accentuating their sharpness with the sparkles. I cautiously put some mascara on my eyelashes, surprisingly managing not to poke myself in the eye.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked good. And I certainly did not look straight. But by now I had somewhat accepted that I wasn't straight. Tonight's expedition would be to determine my level of non-straightness. Considering how much I liked the glitter, I was slightly concerned that I was more un-straight than I initially thought I was. But the alcohol in my blood made me more relaxed than usual and I didn't really put in much thought to the idea.

Deciding that was enough makeup, I scrabbled around the back of my bathroom cupboard and grabbed the small bottle of hair gel that was there. I used in from time to time, when my father ordered me to slick my hair back for a business meeting. This time, as I ran my sticky hands through my brown hair, I wasn't slicking it back. No, I was slicking it up into spikes. After washing my hands I looked back up at myself in the mirror and couldn't help but a crack a smile at my reflection. I looked like a hedgehog. A gay hedgehog. And for some reason that didn't bother me as much as I thought it would.

I packed Stephanie's things back into her makeup bag, planning to give it back to her on Monday. Then I made my way back to my room and grabbed my trusty black leather jacket. I unplugged my phone from the charger and stuffed in down the back pocket of my jeans, before checking that my bedroom door was locked. Then I made my way back to my window, tugging back the curtains. There was nobody down on the street which was lucky, and the moon was half and bathing the street with a subdued silver glow. It was perfect.

I unlocked my window and looked back at my room. I didn't think I had forgotten anything. I glanced at myself in the mirror on my wall. Not to be narcissistic, but I was hot. Like, I would do myself. Then I realised that doing myself would be doing a guy and that was a gay thought, so I rapidly dashed it out of my mind and turned back to the window. Fuck it. I was so not straight.

The drop from my window to the side of the house didn't daunt me, I had sneaked out many times before. I dropped down onto the grass like a cat, my actions slightly cramped by my skinny jeans. I looked up at my mum's window but there was no movement, so I darted around the house to grab my motorbike.

Grabbing my helmet, I was just about to plonk it on my head when I remembered about my hair and saved my spikes from destruction. I knew it would be safer to put the helmet on, but I was conceited enough to want my spiky hair to remain sexy. So, I put away my helmet in it's spot in my seat before wheeling out onto the road. It would certainly have gotten my mum's attention if I had revved the engine below her window. Once I was at the end of the street, I straddled my bike and turned on the engine.

My bike growled beneath me as I took off, making my way towards the more dodgy and populated strip of the city. Tonight I was going clubbing. In a gay club.

My glitter on my cheeks made me feel giddy. Or maybe that was the alcohol.

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A/N: I told you my updates would be more frequent!! Two days in a row, you guys are lucky 😉 PLUS I also updated 2 Boys In A Videoshop today so go check it out (it's bxb and kinda smutty if you were wondering). Also sorry if there are any mistakes cos I didn't have time to edit - I wanted to get this update out asap.

Here is the vibes that I'm getting of this (and the upcoming) chapter - basically what I'm imagining Zedd's makeup is looking like:

And yes, that is Jacob Elordi as Nate Jacobs (shoutout to all the Euphoria fans out there!) who, when I think about it, kinda gives me Zedd vibes. Please believe me, I started writing Secrets before I knew Euphoria was a show, so any similarities (which I now realise are common) are PURE coincidence. 😅

Anyway, any thoughts about the next chapter? What the hell is gonna happen in that gay club? Also, opinions on Zedd's plan?

Remember to vote & comment 💞