write to me

"I always get devastated when I hear from you"

Korra,

Spirits, you have no idea how relieved I was to find out we were talking about the same night. I've been anxious ever since I sent that letter. And yet when your response arrived, I froze. The couple weeks of waiting I played out all the possibilities in my head: you not feeling the same way and never responding, you responding to say that it wasn't the same night and it was with a different girl, you saying it was the same night...in all these scenes I saw myself finally getting a letter from you and tearing it open before I even unlocked the door to my apartment because I was so desperate to know. I rushed to the mailbox every day I came home from work hoping to hear back, and every day I didn't I'd have to talk myself down and remind myself that it probably took a week for my letter to reach you, and it would take another week to get your response once you sent it. But it was so difficult not to wonder how long it would take for you to respond, if you even would at all.

Anyway. The day I finally got your letter, I rushed into the apartment and sat on my couch, looking at the envelope on the coffee table in front of me. I couldn't bring myself to open it. I was so scared that as soon as I did, I would read that you weren't talking about the same night, and our friendship would never be the same again. I think I wanted to hold on to whatever it is we have a little while longer before potentially losing it. And then I realized it didn't matter how long I put off reading the letter, your response was already written, it wasn't about to change to whatever I hoped it would be if I put it off...I might as well just read it already.

What does all of this mean?

-Asami

Asami-

Oof, I'm sorry you were so anxious all that time. I wish there was a faster way to communicate. Being so far away from you and Republic City is starting to become more detrimental than it is helpful. I'm getting antsy staying here.

I think this means...we might have feelings for each other? I realized that in all the times we talk about how much we mean to each other we tend to avoid calling it friendship. It's always about how special our bond is, how well we work together, how much we care for one another. Consciously or not, we don't seem to want to limit whatever it is to just friends. I feel like that has to mean something. Does it?

-Korra

Korra,

I hate to say it, but you've been anxious to get back since the moment you set foot on that ship to return to the South Pole a couple years ago. Are you thinking of coming back soon? I'd love for that...but I don't want you to rush yourself.

I was thinking the same thing. I was scared that if I labelled it as friendship I would be clipping its wings, preventing it from becoming anything more than that. I think it means, at least on my end, what I feel for you cannot be adequately described as just friendship. The word doesn't capture what's really there for me. Friendship isn't big enough or strong enough to hold all the care and trust that's there.

What does it mean to you?

-Asami

Asami-

You're right. I've been itching to get back this whole time. But this feels different. This feels less like a strong pull to leave and get healing over with, it's more like feeling stuck. I've come a long way the past two years. But I feel like I've sort of hit a wall. I'm back on my feet, I'm training again, but I still can't get into the Avatar state and I feel like I've healed, but I haven't grown just yet. Katara says that I have grown a lot, and maybe she's right, but I feel like staying here will just stunt that growth. The thought of seeing you again makes returning all the more enticing.