Losing you

Chapter 8

April's P.O.V

Yea I know that I shouldn't be trippin. It's only one small thing. One small thing and I'm crying about it

It's just that I thought that I actually met someone who was willing to be there for me or to at least know me for who I am. At least have someone to talk to

My phone had been ringing every once in a while and it getting a little annoying. I know it was Matthew but I don't want to answer him.

I know I'm making a big deal about this I shouldn't I'm just over reacting.

I picked my self up from my bed and dragged my self to my bathroom. I felt like shit so I decided to take a shower and I guess think this through

I stripped myself from my clothing and Turned on the shower making it run hot water

Once I made sure that the water was hot I stepped into it and just relaxed. Since showers for me is a place to relax and think. I do it a lot

I should just forgive him. He shouldn't be sorry it's my fault for being boring.

Wow April almost everything is your fault

Don't have to tell me twice

That's why no likes your emotional ass

I think I know that already

I just sighed and turned off the shower. I've been here long enough anyways

I put on my bra and panties and when I was getting my shirt I accidentally bumped my head into the sink

"Owww" I said

I turned around and saw my full body sized mirror

I just stood there and looked at myself

I looked at the girl with weird colored eyes. The girl with long dark brown hair that goes all the way down to her boobs. The girl with her rib cage showing. With scars marked all around her stomach,arms,thighs. I girl that has bruises on her face and on her stomach on top of her scars. The girl that says she's okay when she lows deep inside that it's not. A girl who lies to everyone saying she's fine. A girl who shouldn't be alive.

I looked at my self and just sighed. I grabbed my black tank top and slid it on me followed by my black sweat pants and my short yellow batman socks

I got out of the bathroom and put my clothes in the hamper.

Since I just showered it was kinda chilly so I looked for a sweater.

I passed by my mirror and took another look at my self

Same disappointed feeling

The only thing that I'm super disappointed on myself is my boobs. Since I wear a lot shirts that aren't tight like other girls do you can't really tell that my bones show.

When I was small like 12 or 13 I had big boobs but since my disorder came I dropped bra sizes from C to B. I wasn't proud at all but I learned to just deal with it

I guess I'm disappointed in my figure. I'm too fat to be attractive.

Once again I sigh and walk to my nightstand

I put my hair in a messy bun and put on my glasses.

Yes I have glasses but I don't wear them in public. Only at home.

I have nothing to do so I decide on going out and walking.

I slip on my black and white converse walk to my phone and unplug it from my charger

I get my earbuds and connect them to my phone and then putting it on my ears

I grabbed a sweatshirt and put it on so it can protect me from the cold

I walk downstairs to my lifeless living room and sigh.

I remember when mom used to bring life into the living room by helping me build my fort handing me some more couch cushions so if can be huge

I chuckled at the thought that came to mind and how fun it was when she was here And all the good times we had together

I walked out the door locking it and putting the spare key in my pocket.

I turned on my phone to see messages from Matt

I sigh as the thought of me being a bad person and over reacting came to mind.

So I decided to respond to his messages

Matthew: please don't over react and give me silent treatment I didn't mean to leave you

Matthew: are you mad? Please don't be mad

Matthew: I'm sorry for ditching you I didn't mean to

Matthew:April please answer me I'm sorry

Matthew: please April forgive me

April: Matthew it's okay, it wasn't your fault I understand that.your right I did over react but I'm fine and there's no need to apologize I'm not mad

After that I went to the home screen and went to spotify

I put shuffle on my playlist and placed my earbuds in my ears. I looked at the time before turning off my phone

2:12am

Wow the only person who is wide awake at this time and wants to take a walk

I instantly just placed my phone back into my pocket and began walking to wherever I was going.

As I was walking I heard the music playing as the cold breeze took over

I've been losing sleep for a while now

Thinking about us

And it's hard to pretend we're doing okay when we're not

And it's killing me slowly

I need you by my side

Or I'm not alright

So don't walk away

I won't be okay if you do

I just don't want to lose you

As the song played I found my self at the park

I walked over to the swings and sat in the swing set and just looked at my feet and thought about Matthew

I think too much of this kid

I sat in the swing looking around admiring how the park looked

So empty. So peaceful. So quiet

I started singing a little as another song played

A drop in the ocean

A change in the weather

I was praying that you and me might end up together

It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert

And I'm holding you closer than most

Cause you are my heaven

I started singing until I stopped and saw a figure sitting next to me from the corner of my eye

"I didn't know you could sing"