Losing you

Chapter 16

Nash's P.O.V

She kissed back. She actually kissed back

I pulled away somewhat breathless

I looked at her and she still had her eyes closed but a smile at her lips

As much as I wanted to kiss her again I had to find Bart

I just smiled, grabbed my room key and went out the door locking it

I ran to the elevator and pressed the button to go to the main lobby

While I was going down I checked my phone to see what time it is 6:27

Once the elevator opened I went to the lobby straight to the exit.

Once I got out it was super cold

And it was raining hard

Just my luck

I immediately ran across the street to the building that LOX was talking about

I was extremely wet when I got there and I went straight up to the lady at he front desk

"Excuse me I'm looking for someone by the name of Bart" I said

She just eyed me then went back to typing in her little computer

I waited impatiently until she spoke

"And you are?" She said slightly pulling her glasses to her nose

I ignored her question

"Where is he?" I asked

She just looked at me and then went back on her computer

"Room 456, 15nth floor" she spoke

I immediately went to the elevator and clicked on he button

Matthews P.O.V

I rolled down my sleeves and looked at the bloody bandaid that was hidden my sweater sleeve I carefully took it off while Shawn was still banging on the door

I looked at my 3 long cuts on my arm and decided to add a few more

I can't take this anymore

If my fans want me to kill myself then I will

I slid the blade across my arm

Then I did it again a few times

beads of blood started to build up on my new cuts

They started dripping down which made me feel...relief

A smile crept through my lips as I stared at my master piece

Of course it hurt but at the same time it didn't

The blood streamed down almost making its way down to stain my sweater

I dropped the blade and got up to wash my arm

I went to the sink and As I was about to wash it I frowned. I wanted to stay like this. I wanted to see the blood trickle down my arm. I wanted to feel this forever

I won't kill myself. I deserve the pain I have now.

"Matt" Carter whispered

I turn to look if he was in the bathroom with me but I was wrong. I could see his shadow from the bottom of the door

I flipped the handle so cold water could run on my arm. As the water rushed its way to my arm I winced in pain

I just stared at the mixture of my blood and water go down the drain

After they became clean I got a paper towel to dry my cuts

I threw the toilet paper into the trash can and went to open the door.

I stopped myself right when I was about to put my hand on the handle and went to the mirror

I looked at myself and saw that my eyes were puffy and red. There were tear staines on my cheek and my hair was messed up

I turned on the sink and washed my face

When I finished I dried my face and went to the mirror to fix my hair

I went to the handle of the door and turned it so it can open.

When I opened the door I saw Shawn sitting on the bed looking down and Carter was on the floor sitting next to the bathroom door

Once they heard the door open they immediately stood up

"Matt!" Carter said attacking me in a hug

"That's me" I said with I sigh

"Matt are you okay?"asked Shawn

No

"Yea just- yea" I said hugging Carter back

See that's why Carter is the one to go to if your about to cry

He'll just hug you and stay with you until your okay. He wouldn't even ask any questions he'll just hug you and if you want to talk he'll listen.

"Matt you can talk to me" Shawn said putting his hand on my shoulder while Carter hugged me

I just nodded and dug my face into Carters neck

I closed my eyes while I felt Carters hand rub gentle circles on my back

I'm okay. Matt your okay. It's okay. Okay? Okay.

I felt like crying but at the safe time I felt....I don't know but it was a warm feeling in my stomach that made me feel better then before

When I let go of Carter I immediately missed his hug. I didn't want to let go

Shawn looked at me and motioned me to go out the room

I went out the room and Shawn closed the door leaving it slightly open

"Matt what happened in there?" He asked

"In where?" I said playing dumb

"Matt" he said with a sigh

"I don't know, I just snapped and...I-I'm not really sure what happened there" I answered truthfully

Shawn just looked at me with eyes full of sadness and pity

I was about to enter the room until Shawn tugged at my arm

I looked back at him and he said something that made my stomach drop

"Umm Matt...when you w-went to hug Carter u went in the restroom" he said letting go the hold of my arm and digging his hand through his pockets

"I-I umm"he said as he swallowed nervously taking his hand out his pocket and revealing a blade

Shit. I must of dropped it when I did it.

I just looked up at him and he had eyes full of sadness

He looked at me like if he wanted me to say something

I couldn't talk a lump formed itself in my throat making me unable to talk

I just looked at Shawn in disbelief

He knows. He really knows. What the hell am I suppose to do?? God help me I don't know what to do.

April.

She has scars she might know what to do when someone finds out.

But how am I suppose to tell her that I self harm too?? And that I know that she does too.