Bridge To My Heart

Part 22 - New Life

With your hands hooked on your hips, you scanned the tiny kitchen you had come to love. Your home, now scattered with boxes, everything squeaky-clean and empty. You sighed for the hundredth time today, folding your arms over the marble table top, a projection from your memory playing out before your eyes.

The memory is of the man you once loved, who had worked your stove more times than you could recall. How you would sit at this exact same spot and observe his pert ass waddling from the fridge to the hot pan to whip up your favourite breakfast. How someone so beautiful, so sexy, and so kind could destroy your take on love, you still could not properly understand. There was just so much love and happiness, and like a snap of a higher power's fingers, all of that came crumbling down.

But three months was a long time to put it all behind you. With every day passing sluggishly by, the phrase "time heals all wounds", could not have been truer. What you weren't quite sure about, was if those wounds were still infected beneath the surface of their cover-up - hidden by the fact that you made every effort not to cross paths with Jin.

The divorce was finalized within two weeks. Both you and your ex husband bore no grudge towards one another, and the judge granted the divorce as swiftly as possible. The next step you had to take on your own, was working out the details of work in the form of a resignation letter to the school and applying for the work visa with Namjoon's help. That's where you are currently; packing up and leaving for Seoul to embark on the new phase of your life as assistant publisher in Kim Books Incorporated. You had already signed up for online courses to further your knowledge, so that when the time came for Namjoon to autograph his best seller to his foreseeable fanclub, you could run his business with confidence.

See? You maintained the strong belief that everything happens for a reason, and that's what kept your head up all this time. There was nothing more liberating than focusing on yourself, and in doing so, big things were on the horizon.

Not that there wasn't a small part of your heart which ached for the love you had once tasted, too quickly, too hastily had you devoured such love until there was nothing left.

It was Namjoon at the door - you were sure of it.

"Hey. Ready to get going?"

You looked around at the sealed boxes in the hallway and nodded hesitantly. "You're sure they're gonna pick everything up?" you were referring to the truck which would load the contents of your home along with Namjoon's, while you drove to the city to stay in a hotel for a few days while your apartments would be sorted out.

"Don't worry Y/N. I took care of all of that. My mum and Hyungsik are ready and waiting. You sure you're not riding with us?"

You shook your head. You were planning on making a quick detour before setting off for Seoul. "Don't keep them waiting." You locked the door and handed the house keys to Namjoon. "See you in Seoul Joonie." You threw him a smile and went straight to your car.

It had been three months since you passed the old bridge, big enough for commuters, mobile or on foot. You had found another route to get to school, and even the thought of going there was horrifying. To think that one day, Jin decided to walk that bridge towards you, ulterior motives already plotted in his mind, and walked right into your heart, and you were so blinded and mesmerized by his beauty, you could not see it coming.

He'd tried so hard to reach out when you left the hospital. But everyone around you, knew that you did not wish to see him at all. You were weak, as strong as you were to stand on your own two feet, as strong as you were to decide it was time to leave, Jin was your weakness. And maybe it was strength that hardened your heart so you wouldn't just go crawling back to him yourself.

The bridge, the beauty of the still water and the sun reflecting off the surface, was still the same. Your heart began to sink as your car slowed down on the sand. It's as though your eyes refused to look at the exact spot where you'd once stood, in his arms, as the rain washed away your sorrows and his lips breathed new life into you.

Perhaps there was a flicker of hope that quickened your pulse as you walked up the bridge and heard a car pull up. Maybe, if your feet were cold enough, you wouldn't leave when he reached the top of the bridge. You closed your eyes and gripped the rails, praying for a sign from the gods. Footsteps grew louder, yet you couldn't bring yourself to look towards him. When did tears escape your shut eyes? But your hands were too frozen, body in fact, too frozen to make any move. No move, no sound, just waiting to hear him say your name.

"Y/N?"

And at that moment, your eyes sprung open, and it was disappointment that tore your heart until it bled from your eyes and voiced from your soul. Big arms wrapped your shaking frame, a soft voice hushed you, yet it wasn't from the arms you could lose yourself in or the lips you had once died to kiss. He just held you onto your sobs eased enough for his voice to carry over their loudness. "It's gonna be okay Y/N. It doesn't get easy, trust me. I still see Boyoung in every corner I look. So let's go and be free of the things which haunt us."

You nodded into Namjoon's chest, yet still refused to drive with him. You wanted to be alone, even for a few hours, to come to terms with the fact that you were leaving everything behind and starting afresh.

It was as hard as anyone could imagine. The loud music wasn't enough to drown out your crying, but it helped enough so you wouldn't have to feel utterly pathetic. The trees, the hills. the white lines on the roads were all a blur when your eyes were fogged with heavy tears. But as the miles kept rolling, your pain was rolling away. On autopilot, you took your bag out of the boot, bid goodnight to Mrs. Kim and Hyungsik, and heard the call of the hotel bed as soon as you walked inside the room. Your mind was working, but your body could no longer keep up, and dressed in the sweatpants and hoodie you travelled in, you fell onto the bed and cried into the pillow - cried yourself to sleep, a routine you had become familiar with.

His big brown eyes felt warm as he hovered above your body, bare flesh exuding heat where your own clothes were taken off. You reached for his face, silken skin so beautiful it was almost unreal. You craved his lips on your own, and just when you were about to close the last centimeter between you, a knock on the door interrupted your intimacy.

Groaning, you shoved the blanket away and rushed barefooted towards the door.

"I was still sleeping!"

"I'm sorry! Would you like to join us for breakfast?"

"You guys go on without me. I need to shower."

"Okay Y/N. You sure you're okay?"

"Yes Joonie. I just overslept, that's all."

"Okay then. Text me when you're ready to go to the office."

"I will."

You had in fact overslept. It was already 10a.m. and you were supposed to go with Namjoon to the new office to check if everything had been set up properly for next week's opening. The fact that you were still running on low batteries didn't help, but you showered and dressed and were ready at 11. You would have liked to pinch yourself and perhaps wake up from this nightmare you thought you were lost in, but in doing so you might find yourself back in a twist of lies and deceit, and right now, the cons of that outweighed the pros.

You decided to let life run its course, go wherever the wind blew you, and maybe, just maybe, you'd find happiness in yourself.