Attraction

45.

Authors Note: For this chapter I chose "I Miss You I'm Sorry" by Gracie Adams to be the song for this chapter. I felt it goes really well with Willow's feelings and emotions as of recent events.

I rub my tired eyes as I sit up in the bed making my way to the bathroom and turn on the shower. The hot water hits my skin as I hug my knees to my chest while using my hand to cover my mouth to silence my sobs. Where did it all go wrong? Why did everything in my  life fall apart, Paul was everything to me and now he chose to end it all between us.

I close my eyes as I feel the water hit my skin, he seemed so cold yesterday, I've never seen that side of him before. After I finish showering, I get dressed and go in the living room—Layla and Quil aren't here, Layla had to go to work according to the note she left for me on the kitchen counter and Quil was already gone when I wake up.

I know I have to go back to Paul's house and get the rest of my things, but how can I without melting down again? As I grab my car keys my eyes travel to the bracelet he made for me that's still around my wrist—the familiar sting reappears in my chest as my eyes begin to water.

My eyes betray me as the tears run freely down my cheeks on the way to Paul's house, I know his work schedule so he's likely not here this morning.
As my hand turns the knob on the front door I step inside, the smell of Paul fills my nose as my eyes begin to sting, the painful lump in my throat grows. My legs carry me further into the house as I close the front door behind me, I make my way to the bedroom as I grab more clothes of mine from the closet and set them on the bed. The same bed where we spent so many nights making love and talked endlessly about life.

I open the nightstand on Paul's side of the bed to get some of my belongings and my heart stops. My eyes spot the Polaroid picture that Quil had taken of us on Christmas last month, I pick up the photo as I take in the detail of it. Paul's lips on mine as I smiled into the kiss, that was such a different time—Things have changed now. I hold the picture close to me as I lay on his side of the bed and decide to let myself sob. His smell fills the air from his pillow as I let the tears flow, it's really over between us.

After crying for what feels like a hour, I stand up and run my fingers through my hair as I go to the bathroom to splash cold water on my puffy red face. The sound of the front door closing caused my heart to jump, my eyes widen as I feel my heart thudding roughly in my chest. He's here. I don't want him to see I've been crying, I don't even want to see him. If I take one look at his face I'll probably cry all over again, I can't let that happen—He can't see me cry anymore. But the worst part is, deep down I want to see him which makes me feel even more pathetic.
As the footsteps approach the bathroom door I bite down on my tongue.

"Willow?" Quil's clear voice rings, I hesitantly open the bathroom door to see a worried looking Quil. He takes in my appearance and gives me an apologetic expression. Disappointment fills my chest that it wasn't Paul.

"Hey.." My voice comes out weakly. "I just came to get the rest of my stuff..."

"I know." He keeps his voice soft, "I knew you were here... I wanted to see if there was anything I could help you with."

"I just have to get my mugs... and a box to put them in..." My voice breaks as I remember my colorful coffee mugs that I had shown to Paul. He thought it was so funny that I used coffee mugs by color to pick my mood. Quil nods understandingly.

"I'll go get some cardboard boxes, do you want to come with me?" I shake my head.
"I'm gonna stay here and gather the rest of my stuff... I'll be okay..."

He gives me a nod before turning to walk down the hallway and go to his car. The sting in my chest is unbearable. I need something to make this pain go away, I don't think I can handle feeling like this much longer. I've never dealt with this kind of pain before so I don't know how to handle it. I'll have to run by the liquor store today and grab a few bottles of vodka.