Attraction

67.

My eyes snap open, they don't ache from being squeezed so tightly shut. Everything is so defined, it's beautiful really, I sit up in the glass as my hand lifts itself for my eyes to scan the uncut skin. Shouldn't my skin have blood on it from the glass? I stand up slowly as I dust off the remainder of the glass from my jeans and that has been tangled through my hair. My hand travels to my throat as I wince in pain at the new feeling of burning that caused my throat to ache.
The sound of walking through grass could be heard so clearly through my ears, can it be him? I need to get out of here if it is him. My legs rush me through the front door as I begin running as far as I can go through the woods without stopping for a breath or looking back. Shouldn't I need to take a breath? Shouldn't I be exhausted from what I've been through or even tired? What about my wounded ankle, shouldn't that hurt to run on? But it doesn't for some strange reason. Not that I am complaining that my ankle doesn't hurt, I'm glad it doesn't. As my legs continue to carry me deeper in to the woods another set of footsteps can be heard near me, the burning in my throat increases. My nostrils flair as I take in this scent, my body shifts to the left as I follow the sound of the footsteps and the scent that's driving my throat wild and my mind into a hungry frenzy— I'm so thirsty that it burns. My throat feels like chalk.

I watch the lean deer in front of me now as I crouch down becoming ready to run toward it, the deer turns it's head to look in my direction. Both of us now frozen as the mere thought of why I am so thirsty doesn't even cross my mind, my instincts already know what they want before I do. As my legs sprint toward the deer my arms pin it's body down the the forest floor, it's struggles to get away from me are nothing to what they should be, I should be hurt from the kicks of the creature but they don't hurt at all. My teeth quickly sink into its skin as the realization hits me like a brick being thrown at my head. While the burning seems to slowly subside in my throat, the horrific realization of what I am now has come to my brain. The reason why I had been on the floor screaming in pain, the reason my cuts from the glass shards have vanished, why I've taken down a deer like it's nothing. I'm a vampire.

I stand up from crouching as I run away from the now drained carcass of the deer, sounds of sobs left my lips but I feel no wet tears against my cheeks. Paul would be disgusted by me if he did see me right now, how can I face him again? Would he hate me? Of course he told me he would love me no matter what, like the faded memory during Christmas. I can still hear his words burning through my mind, he said he would love me even if Dylan had bit me. He had said that but people don't always mean what they say, I learned that a few hours ago, or has it been days? I stop running as I reach a tree, my nails dig into the bark so easily it feels like running my fingers through the sand on the beach.

"No!" I scream while I run deeper into the forest away from what I am. I want to run away from myself, I want to hide from this monster but how can I? I can't turn back time and change into a human again and Paul can't do that for me either. I'm this frozen thing now with a burning in my throat, an ache that doesn't fade, a hunger that doesn't leave my lips.
The memory flashes across my face, he wasn't trying to kill me— He bit me to change me into what he is. He new the wolves kill what he is, what I am, a new feeling  of devastation washes over me as I close my eyes to inhale the air. I don't need to breathe, but the coolness against my lungs seems to calm my emotions for a brief moment. A quiet sob leaves my lips, no tears yet again as I run my fingers through my hair that somehow feels softer than it should.
I know he would be disgusted with me, repulsed if he were to see me right now. I'm not longer his human Willow, I'm a monster who he was born to kill. 

My legs hit the forest floor as I continue running through the trees, swiftly jumping over the larger rocks. I continue running for what feels like seconds passing by but the daylight hidden behind the clouds begins to set as I reach the cliff. Our cliff.
My chest aches but not from hunger, it aches from a pain that feels ten times more devastating that it could have when I was human. How can he love me now? Who can tell? Who can I talk to? I'm alone. Quil will eventually hate me once he learns what I am, they'll have to kill me I'm sure. I sit with my legs hanging from the cliff as I stare down at the water feeing empty as the ache in my chest continues— It subsides the burning in my throat.
What is life without Paul? I don't want to continue on without him if he's born to hate me, I don't want to be this monster that I've turned into. But I can't turn back time from this, I'm here now, forever frozen and a slave to the ache in my throat. How is this right? Weren't Paul and I destined to be together always? This could never work, he was born to kill exactly what I am. The stars fills the sky as the crickets and the waves fill my ears, much more clear than they could have ever been when I was human.