Attraction

49.

By the time I get up to leave the bedroom, the alcohol has worn off from me and Paul is nowhere to be seen. My legs carry me out of the front door as I walk to the driveway where various cars are parked—while my eyes scan for his car. Disappointment fills me as I realize he's already left Embry's house.

For a moment I battle with myself to call him so we can talk, but I don't want to come off as clingy and overbearing. I decide on not calling him- if he wants to talk to me, he'll call me himself. I walk back in the house to find Renesmee to tell her I'm going to go home.

As I push passed the large mass of people, I find her sitting on the couch beside Jacob—they look up to see me.

"Hey, what's up?" She greets standing to meet my height, I give her a small relaxed smile.

"I think I'm going to head home." I tell her, she nods understandingly.

"Oh, okay. Are you okay to drive?" She asks.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." I give her a small smile.

My tone stays reassuring but inside I feel stressed out and a mixture of emotions that are running through me. Renesmee gives me a hug before I leave as I say goodbye to she and Jacob, I make my way to my car. I grab a water bottle from the backseat and drink some of it, I feel fine to drive. The alcohol has worn off, I'll be fine.

As I'm driving, I make sure to keep my car at a steady pace and drive slowly. I feel fine but I want to play it safe. I park my car as I begin walking to my apartment, I trudge slowly inside as I sluggishly open the door.

Part of me wishes this night would have gone completely different than it had. I wish I could have done a little more with Paul, said a little bit more to him by telling him that I still love him even though I hate loving him. But he left before giving me the chance to do that.

As I kick off my shoes, I change into my pajamas and get ready for bed. After I brush my teeth I decide on laying in bed as the sound of the rain taps against my window. It would be more soothing if he were laying here next to me, but he's not. I close my eyes as I remember the feeling of how his lips felt against mine tonight, the way his arms wrapped around me, how he effortlessly picked me up... I quickly shake the thoughts of out my head as I turn over and make an attempt at going to sleep.

Getting my hopes up is the last thing I need right now, especially since Paul has been extremely indecisive about things lately. He told me he can't let me go, but was that just in the heat of the moment or did he actually mean that?

By the time I wake up, I still have an hour to take a shower and have some coffee before driving to work.
My shift flies by thankfully so by the time I get off work I still have time to take a bath and run to the grocery store. I park my car and enter the small store as I grab a basket to carry so I can put the items I need inside it.

Once I grab some fruit and vegetables, I make my way down the past isle feeling like making some spaghetti together. After placing the sauce in the basket, I move to find the pasta. I'm craving something sweet, chocolate maybe? As I make my way over to the isle of chocolates and candy, my eyes look over to see none other than Jared. He recognizes me before I can hide my face using my hair as a curtain.

"Willow?" He calls as he makes his way over to me.

"Oh, hey." I greet him giving a polite smile.

It's not that I don't want to say hello, I just don't want him to ask me questions about Paul. They're his friends and I already feel enough like the ex girlfriend who just can't seem to move on.

"How are you?" He asks me, he pauses and looks embarrassed by his words.
"I mean... Sorry, that was a stupid question." He mumbles.

I don't want him to feel bad, I'm not doing that bad... I've stopped eating ice cream while crying so that's progress.