Attraction

57.

"So tell me something," Renesmee's voice spoke calmly through the speaker of the phone. "How do you feel about all of this right now?"
For the past hour, Renesmee and I had been talking on the phone about every little thing that had taken place between Paul and I since the day I had gone to visit him. She had been interested to hear what I had to say about the whole thing and insisted that if I ever wanted to have  'girl talk'  that I could come to her.

"Well... I feel kind of relieved about all of this. Paul and I are finally on good terms and I don't have this constant guilt replaying in the back of my mind that I'm being unfair to Matt." I answer her honestly. "I loved Matt, but I don't think it was really in the way he loves me. He was there for me through a lot of this, but the whole time I felt so vulnerable."

"So Matt was the rebound guy?"

"No— Well, kind of." I put my head down feeling guilty at my confession to my friend. Part of me feels like a bad person. "That doesn't make me a very good person, does it?"

"It makes you human, not a bad person. I guarantee you, everyone at least once in their lifetime has had a rebound. It happens. He was the first person you've ever actually been with, the first person to break your heart— Right?" Her tone is gentle and I can understand what she's getting at.

"Right."

"Matt came along and tried to patch up your wounds. You tried to cut things off with him but he seems like a persistent person from what you've told me, it doesn't make you a bad person. Just a normal one." She soothes.

The corners of my lips curl upward slightly at her words of reassurance. Maybe she's right, I'm not a bad person for having a rebound—But it doesn't mean that Matt deserved to be dumped. I just know it wasn't fair to him, especially with the way I knew I still feel for Paul. It had to be done.

"Maybe things are better this way?" I say but my tone sounding like more of a question.

"Of course."

"And things are going to heal up with Paul?"

"Absolutely."

"I mean, I still love him, and he told me he still loves me. He sounded like he meant it..."

"I wouldn't doubt it."

A breath of relief leaves my lips that I didn't know I was holding in. Talking to Renesmee about all of this has made me feel so much better about the situation. I don't feel as stressed out as I did.
But I haven't seen Paul in a few days, we haven't talked very much aside from the occasional  'Hi, how are you?'  text messages which is fine but it would also be nice to just see him.

"I don't think I can pin point where he and I stand." I confess quietly to her. Where do we stand? A friendship? A friends with benefits relationship? Certainly not just two exes who like to see how the other is doing once every few months...

"Does he flirt with you when he texts you?" She asks me. I put her on speaker phone and begin scrolling through my recent texts with Paul, a little bit of disappointment fills me.

"No..."

"Has he asked you to hang out with him recently? Or even hinted at it?"

I perk up. "He texted me this morning but it started with, what are you doing tonight?"

"Sounds like he wants to hang out." Renesmee responds in a cheerful voice, my heart begins to thump quickly.

"You're right, it does." A small smile forms on my lips. My eyes go to my clock on my phone as my smile fades and the realization hits me that I have work at eleven am—That's in thirty minutes! "Crap. I have to go, I need to get ready for work."