His Playmate (Sevilla Series: CxP)

Fifty one

Tears pricked into my eyes until a single tear rolled down my cheek. My heart was throbbing inside my chest.

He was looking up at me with hope and fear in his eyes. He's hoping for a positive response but also fears the opposite.

The silver ring with one main diamond and two smaller ones encrusted on each side were flashing in front of me. It was beautiful. It was not garish or big, just enough. It was intricate and lovely.

My whole being is still in a state of astonishment. I feel like I am in a fairy tale where everything right this moment is perfect; the place, the weather, the ring, the man I'm with, and all other things. This is if I set aside my deeper feelings.

This scene has been exactly one of the secret wishes that I never told anyone. I'd used to imagine myself in a paradise, strolling with the love of my life, feeling genuinely happy and contented. In the middle of our walks, he will stop, then look at me in the eyes. He will take a step and lift his one hand to caress my face. Our gazes are enough to tell how much we love each other. On the spur of the moment, he will drop in one knee, pull out a box of the ring from his jacket, open it, and show it to me. While staring into my eyes, he will confess his feelings once more and pop the important question. And I, with so much happiness and tears of joy, will slowly nod and whisper my Yes. It will be one of the best moments of our lives. The start of forever. The beginning of our happily ever after.

But those were my thoughts before. Ngayon, hindi ko na alam.

I suddenly do not know how to speak. I do not know what to say.

Ilang beses ko nang sinabi sa sarili ko na mahal ko siya pero hindi ko pa rin kayang sabihin na hindi na ako nasasaktan. Ayoko man, palagi pa rin akong bumabalik sa sakit ng nakaraan.

I opened my mouth, hoping to find the words to say but I failed. Kapag humindi ako, masasaktan siya. But I can't say yes knowing to myself that I am not yet a hundred percent sure. I don't want to say yes now then take it back later. I don't want to say yes only because of my daughter, that won't work.

I closed my eyes, letting the tears fall more and I took a deep breath. Tuloy tuloy na ang pagagos ng mga luha ko. My heart was aching as well. I gently bit my lower lip to contain my emotion. As I opened my eyes again and looked at him, he was still staring at me. Worry etched on his face.

Heaving a deep breath, I called his name.

"Paul..." his brows furrowed. He could sense it. He knew what I was going to say. I swallowed the lump in my throat and spoke anew. . "Paul, tumayo ka na diyan, please." Pinilit kong sabihin kahit hirap na ako dahil sa pagiyak. Hindi siya gumalaw. Sinubukan ko ilapit at mga kamay ko sa kanya pero nanginginig ako.

"Cashanna, I love you." He assured. Napansin ko rin ang luha na tumulo mula sa kanan niyang mata.

"Paul, tumayo ka na. Please." Pagmamakaawa ko. Alam ko rin na nahihirapan na siya sa posisyon niya. Pinilit ko'ng hawakan na siya sa kamay at akayin patayo pero hindi siya nagpadala.

"Mahal kita." Sabi pa niya at umiiyak na. I stopped and stared at him. It pains me to see him like this, but I still do not how to ease mine. "Mahal na mahal kita." He was kneeling on both knees with tears wetting his face. I didn't want to feel like I was hurting him and so I also sank on my own, not minding the grass scraping on my legs. He stared as if searching for something through my eyes.

"You don't love me?" He asked, almost breathless as he continued to look at me. I blinked my tears away then stared back at him. I want to tell him how much I love him but I am scared. Natatakot ako na mas masaktan pa. Natatakot ako na iwanan niya. Natatakot ako dahil hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko pa kapag nangyari ulit iyon.