Cassian Andor Masterlist

The One That Decided To Stay (Part 1)

Summary: It's been half a year since the reader has regained most of her memories and half a year since she got back together with Cassian, the two of them trying to rebuild their relationship as well as regain one another's trust. But when Poe hurts the reader by not telling something very important and they have to go do a mission together, Rogue One taking part, tension rises as the reader starts to feel like people don't trust her anymore, despite them saying the opposite. And when things don't go as planned, what will the friends do to save one another and what will Cassian do to keep his love? (Second instalment of The One That Got Away )

Pairing: Cassian x Reader; Platonic!Poe x Reader

Warnings: some sexy time implications; swearing

Genre: fluff; angst

Word count: 2694

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   Cassian rolled onto his stomach, stretching out a hand in hopes of finding his lover's body, yet it wasn't there. Immediately he shot up, fear rushing through, that Y/N had once again disappeared and wouldn't come back. But this time it was different.
He slowed down his breathing taking a deep gulp of air and exhaling through the mouth. For half a year now, since the party celebrating the return of the rebels and the night at their secret spot Y/N Y/L/N and Cassian Andor have been rebuilding the relationship. It took her two full months to regain almost all of her memories. Still, there were bits and pieces missing, but Y/N dispelled his worries.
"I'm back," she had whispered into his ear one night, their legs tangled together, sweat covered bodies pressed so close, it felt like their skins would mould together. "I know everything I have to. And the things I don't- they don't matter. I love you and that's all I need."
Sometimes at nights, Cassian did jump up, scared that she had fled, but as his eyes got accustomed to the dark, a thin slit of light shone from the bottom of the bathroom. Though the times when he didn't see any indication she was in the room were a bit worse. He'd learned Y/N was plagued by nightmares and night terrors. The captain had offered to help, any way possible, but she shrugged him off. For a while, the man had no clue why Y/N wouldn't accept his help until there came one time.

Cassian had awoken from a nightmare himself. The image of Y/N's bloodied and lifeless body etched behind his eyelids. His hands scoured their shared sheets. She had just agreed to move back into their quarters, but still retained the ownership of a private one. Just in case. And as his fingertips felt the cold spot where Y/N's body should've been he lurched out of the bed.
Clad in only boxers, the cold air hitting his chest making a shiver pass down his spine, the captain sprinted towards the hangar. He was almost at the end of the corridor when his ears picked up on a conversation of two people, muffled by the door and the walls.
His ears were pounding, only hearing the blood rushing, but as his heartbeat came back to the normal rhythm, Cassian could decipher who the two people were. And whose room it was- Bodhi's.
She had been going there ever since the beginning, ever since she had started to regain her memories back more and more. Cassian couldn't have been happier to see the two best friends relying on each other once again. He'd gone back to their room almost immediately afterwards. Twenty minutes later Y/N quietly slipped under the duvet, Cassian's shirt clinging to her body and felt her arms snake around his middle.
"Sorry I spooked you," she had murmured in his chest.
"What?"
"I know you were up, I could hear you running in the corridor. I'm sorry I woke you."
He turned around so he could face Y/N pressing a kiss into her hair and weaving his own arms to hug her torso. "It's fine. I just wish you would've told me."
"I don't know why I didn't... I guess I just didn't want to seem weak..."
"Y/N," Cassian removed a lock that was obscuring the Y/E/C eyes he loved so much, the colour only illuminated by the moon shining through their window. "You are the strongest person I know. No one would ever dare think you're weak."
Y/N huffed out a breath. "I know..." a yawn interrupted the sentence. "Just can't help it."
"Are you better now?"
"Mhmm," and a second later she had fallen asleep.
So that is where Cassian ventured right that moment- to see if Y/N was with Bodhi. The Sun was already peeking its head over the tall forest outside. Bright orange, pink and yellow hues shining over Akiva. They had decided to stay here and make it a permanent base. At least for a while.
The captain's sock-clad feet tapped almost soundlessly over the cold stone floors as he made his way to the fellow teammate's room. He rubbed away the last remaining crumpets of sleep, other hand messing up the already tangled mop of brown hair. A palm slid down the unshaven cheek. It was early, way too early to be out of bed, given the fact they were still on the mandatory break bestowed upon them by General Leia.
She'd given them six months off, but seeing as Y/N's recovery process was still ongoing, the woman didn't want to put the girl in danger. And Cassian was not about to leave Y/N's side. Which meant none of Rogue One would move either. Poe, Rey and the rest had also been adamant with helping Y/N out as much as possible, but since Mon Mothma held the real authority over Rogue One, yet the other group worked directly under Leia, they had to go on missions. Few and far in between, yet Poe still complained that it was too much.
Cassian stopped by the white door, the only indication that it was occupied was a tiny red light, that appeared by the glass pad when the door was locked. He strained his hearing, but he couldn't pick up any sound. Nothing at all.
The captain trusted Y/N with all his heart, though he couldn't help the doubt still left behind. All of it being the doing of Kylo Ren, not his love, he didn't blame the girl whatsoever. But he had to knock. Knuckles rapping against the metal door, he waited for someone to open it up. A very bleary-eyed and confused Bodhi stepped into view, still in his slippers and pyjamas, evidence that his friend at least for once in his life had gotten a good night's sleep.
Guilt washed over Cassian as he remembered Bodhi's struggle with nightmares, the same as Y/N, but that was quickly replaced by worry.
"Is she here?" the accented voice rang throughout the hallway and the now open room. "Can't seem to find Y/N."
"No," Cassian's friend shook his head, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "She didn't come here at any point in the night either." It took Bodhi a while to gather why Cassian looked so frantic, chest heaving up and down, a concerned frown on his face.
"She's not gone," he put a palm on the captain's shoulder, trying to ease the tension. "She wouldn't do that. Not this time."
"I know, I just can't he-" but Cassian was cut off mid-sentence by a voice shouting for someone to stop. He quickly realised it was Poe and he was calling for someone named Bubbles. Immediately Cassian recognised that to be the nickname his fellow rebel had bestowed upon Y/N. In the beginning, there was slight jealousy the captain had felt anytime Dameron had gotten even remotely close to Y/N than he liked, but soon enough he saw how the commander loved her- like a brother would love a sister. Nothing going further than a kiss on the cheek or forehead.

"Bubbles please!"
Y/N rounded the corner. She was wearing Cassian's T-shirt, his favourite one at that, coincidentally enough also Y/N's favourite. The girl had nicked it one night and ever since then it was 'their' shirt not 'his'. But to be fair, after Y/N had moved in with Cassian, all of his clothes had become Y/N's too.
Her Y/H/C hair now reached a bit past her collarbones, strands standing out every which way as if a Porg or a Wookie had licked some strands and now they were cemented into place. The large gash across her chest wasn't so angry anymore. It had faded to a slivery version, blending into her skin, but not completely disappearing. Cassian had found out from Jyn how she had gotten the scar as Y/N herself couldn't recall the memory, only the searing hot pain. That night the man had held her tighter than ever before. And that was also the night he'd asked Y/N to move back into their room. Without a second to spare, she had latched onto his lips, salty tears mixing into the kiss as she vigorously nodded.
Now she was stalking across the corridor, eyes snapping up to see Cassian and Bodhi- both confused as to what was going on.
"Did you know about this?" she was angry. Very angry.
"Know what, Mi Alma?"
"Them," she spun around watching as Poe caught up with the group. He looked very dishevelled and a large bruise was on his neck. No, not a bruise- a hickie.
"Bubbles, please. I'm sorry okay?"
"No! You do not get to call me that," tears brimmed at the edges of her eyes, blurring the sight before her, making everything turn into a watery painting. "How could you? I thought- I," she choked on her words, Cassian's hand immediately coming to rest on her shoulder, "I thought we told each other everything."
"We do, Y/N, you know how much I trust you, how much I love you. I-"
"Then why didn't you tell me about this?"
"Love," Cassian came to stand directly behind her. He could feel Bodhi move out of his room and into the hallway to observe the scene, hating the fact that his best friend was crying. "What's going on?"
"Nothing. Poe has just decided he doesn't want to be my friend as he clearly doesn't trust me."
"Bubbles," the rebel reached for Y/N who only yanked out of Cassian's grip, further away from Poe.
"I get the message. Don't worry, from this point on, I won't tell you anything important either."
"Y/-"
But she had already stormed off, hair whipping around, a tightness in her body Cassian hadn't seen in a while. Not only did it indicate she was angry, she was on the verge of a total breakdown.
Before the captain could even get one word out, of how much he'd beat the living shit out of Poe for hurting Y/N the way he had, Bodhi spoke up. "What in the name of stars did you do Dameron?"
"Fucked up, that's what."
The commander pulled at his hair, his skin flushing in an instant as a groan escaped his mouth and he slammed a fist against the wall, which elicited a colourful stream of cussing.
"Go to her," Bodhi turned to Cassian, "she needs you."
The captain just nodded, leaving the two other men in the hallway. There were only a handful places Y/N would go in a situation like this. One was her X-Wing. Since she had never lost her post as a commander, Y/N still had her beloved ship, a golden lightning bolt adorning the sides. Fitting for the leader of the Gold Squadron. He'd found her there many times. Just sitting, contemplating things, or tinkering with the mechanisms. She claimed it calmed her down, helped her focus and not lose the abilities. Leia had forbidden her to take part in missions, only a month ago was she allowed to sit in the command centre and give orders through the comms.
But something in Cassian's gut told him that that just wouldn't be it, so he went to their spot. Their little paradise. And after twenty-five minutes of very fast walking, he entered through the slit in the cave, eyes roaming over the sunlit cavern as the light danced across the still water, bits and pieces being illuminated by rays from down below where it connected to the larger lake.
There she was- hair wet, the white shirt sticking to her body, drops of water dripping down on the ground creating a muddy circle around her. Y/N's skin glistened in the morning Sun as if she herself emitted light.
"Did you go for a swim?"
"No," she muttered, chin resting on her knees, "I jumped in."
"You did what?" it came out almost hysterical.
"I said I jumped in. From that side," she pointed across where the overarching dome opened up to the world right above the pool.
"Fucking hell, Y/N. You'll give me a heart attack one day."
The girl snorted, but there was no joy in the eyes, no humour in the laugh. Cassian hadn't seen her this down in a while and it terrified him, because the first time she had cut people out like that, fought the way she did with Poe, Y/N had packed her bags and disappeared in the dead of the night, setting the captain on a two-year long mission to find his fiancé. Well, they weren't engaged now. Though ask Cassian and he'd pop the question right then and there, but he knew Y/N needed time to recuperate.
"Wanna talk about what happened?" he sat down in the sand. The last time they were in the same position, the pair was lit by the moon and the stars. Bodies moving closer and closer as they bared their souls to one another only to end up in a passionate kiss and an even more passionate night, filled with moans and promises of love, hearts beating a crazy rhythm and bare skin gliding along the others.
"Nope," she popped the 'p'. "There is nothing to talk about. People have made it clear how they feel about me."
"What are you going on about?" worry immediately filled Cassian's veins. He didn't like where this conversation was going. Not one bit.
"Cassian, do you really think I don't know that you don't trust me?"
"I do tr-"
"No, you don't. And I'm okay with it, I deserve it for everything I did to you. I understand it coming from Jyn, Chirrut and Baze, Bodhi, hell even K-2, but you don't know what mine and Poe's relationship was like. You have no idea how much I relied on him and how much he relied on me. So now, after all.... that..." Y/N was standing up now, dusting the sand off of her legs and bum. "It just makes me realise no one trusts me. I've tried so hard, so hard, to do the best I can," she wiped away tears that slipped down her reddened cheeks. "But now I know that no matter the efforts, I'll always be the outcast, the liability."
Y/N hated how she sounded as if she was whining, but it had been sitting on her chest for the longest of times now, constricting her breathing and overtaking her mind.
"Guess it's time to accept the truth and find my place in all of this."
She moved past Cassian, weaving her way to the slit in the stone walls, soundless footsteps leaving imprints in the sand.
His palm wrapped around Y/N's wrist, making her look back at the man she was irrevocably in love with, sending a sharp ache through her body as her Y/E/C orbs met Cassian's chocolate ones, now filled with tears. It pained the man to hear Y/N say such horrible things when everyone on the base knew how untrue they were. "Don't do this, Mi Alma. Don't walk away from us."
With a sad smile, she freed her hand from his grasp and walked backwards. "How can I walk away from something when people clearly don't want me to be there?"