✔ and of the love i (n/ever) had 「 khunbam 」

10:00

“I need time. Iʼm sorry.”

Bam groaned loudly as he rolled over the mattress, burying his face on his memory pillow in frustration. He doesnʼt understand himself anymore. All was well, right? Khun doesnʼt have a plausible and lawfully wedded wife, Amaris adores him and it applies to him as well, and the love of his life confessed to him and asked for him to give their relationship a chance— that should be more than alright! But why doesnʼt he feel okay with how fast things were going? Why was he so confusing?

Three consecutive knocks pulled him out of his conundrum, a lady with long crimson red hair and her usual customized eyepatch welcomed herself inside Bamʼs room without bothering to hide the master key on her hand.

“Viole.”

“Hwaryun,” Bamʼs voice was hoarse as he muttered before sitting up, still clutching the pillow on his chest. “Can I help you with something?”

Hwaryun looked at the messed up state he had become, then sighed, sitting across him. “Look, as much as Jinsung is stoked with your visit, you canʼt just spend the rest of your day off sulking like this.”

Bam pouted like a teenage kid and instead stared at his fingers, away from the redhead. “What Iʼm saying is, talk to us. Talk to me.”

Hwaryun, despite her cold exterior, had helped him with her words numerous times. She was the one who talked him to take a break out of Korea, after all. She was that convincing, and he knew it worked.

“I just,” he gripped on his fingers. “I donʼt know what to do—”

“—with the Khun kid? Something happened between you two, and now you are beating yourself up about it.”

Bam went silent because she is right. A week has passed since then and he had been barely successful in avoiding every instance where he could interact with Khun. He still hung out with Amaris, yes, but always excused himself by the time the bluenet arrives and picks the boy up. Then by Wednesday, he was invited to attend a three-day seminar. Today, was his rest day. How fortunate of him, right?

Truth to be told, he just does not know how to act civil, because he felt that it would be unfair for Khun if he acted like nothing was wrong.

“What if,” the brunet started, now facing Hwaryun. “What if I ruin a family? What if I canʼt be good enough for Amaris? What if Iʼll fail as a parent and a partner?” Unconsciously, Bam gulped at his overwhelming thoughts. “Iʼm scared of screwing this up, Hwaryun.”

The woman ruffled his brown locks into a mess. “You silly child. You canʼt know for sure if you havenʼt given it a try. You know, before Jinsung took you in, I was skeptical of having a younger brother to take care of. Jinsung was enough to fill up my plate back then, and I thought you would just be an additional baggage. Now, look at us.”

Bam chuckled lightly.

“To tell you the truth, that guy never gave up, more so when you left for FUG.”

“What do you mean?” His forehead creased in confusion.

“If you only saw how Jinsung almost wanted to punch him when he kept coming back here to beg for his forgiveness.” Hwaryun flashed a lopsided grin as she went through the memory. “He also kept tabs on you through his brothers, and I heard he rejected every matchmaking offered to him by the 10 Great Families because he was waiting for a certain someone to return from New Haven. If thatʼs not love, then I must be getting rusty.”