At What Price (Completed)

XVII

#AtWhatPrice

"Giving up is the only way to fail. Keep going, even when you feel like quitting."
— Davae McMillion

•••

Two weeks passed

Pilit akong huminga ng malalim.

"Hija, anong nangyari? Nakakapanlumo 'tong scores mo. Hindi lang ikaw, marami kayo pero kahit na."

Defeaning silence.

"Hindi pwede ang ganito sa BSA. Kapag ganito pang bagsak ka, alam mo na."

Tumayo na ako at mahinang nagpasalamat.

Umalis ako doon.

Naramdaman ko ang pag-patak ng luha ko.

Ayoko na.

•••

Bakit ba kasi hindi ako matalino?

Ginagawa ko naman lahat. Inaaral ko lahat. Doble pa sa ginawa kong pag-aaral sa buong buhay ko. Ni halos di na nga ako makatulog.

I splashed my face with water. Pinatay ko ang gripo at tumingin sa salamin.

Wala kang karapatan bumagsak. Papasa ka. I mouthed and glared at myself.

I left the comfort room.

I tried to spend this day like any other day, and I dreaded to go home. Gusto ko mag-mukmok. I want to snuggle in a blanket and cry for hours.

Gusto kong magwala.

Ewan. Ang sakit.

Naglalakad ako ng parang zombie. It was now time to go home. Fuck. Gusto ko na umuwi or else I'll break down.

As I went near the train station, I saw someone familiar.

My eyes widened. Hadwin did too when he recognized me.

"Claudia!"

I smiled forcely. Ilang araw ko na ba siya di nakita?

He wasn't kidding when he said he'll be busy. Pareho naman kami. Sobrang lala ng workload. Even drinking milk wasn't working for me. I had to resort drinking iced coffee na rin.

Lumapit ako sa kaniya.

"Uy. Musta? Na-miss mo 'ko?"

Umirap ako kunwari. Damn. I miss our banters.

"Barely surviving." mahina kong saad. "You?"

"Same. Katatapos lang ng three days straight duty ko." Halata sa mukha niya ang pagod.

He ran his hands through his hair. I took a full glance at him. He looked like he aged. He became looking more manly, if that's even possible. Nagwo-work out siguro siya pag stressed.

Dahil ang daming pasahero sa oras na 'to, medyo natagalan kami sa pila.

Antagal dumaldal ni Hadwin. Andaming baong kwento.

"Muntikan pa 'kong sigawan ng CI kahapon. Paano, nakakangalay sa OR Antagal mo lang nakatayo or nakaupo habang may surgery. Tapos, andami kong in-assist na delivery ngayon. Naka-touch talaga pag may nanganganak. Grabe, nakakapagod pero sobrang rewarding."

His last line echoed to me. He looks really satisfied with his chosen program. Sakin kaya, kailan magiging rewarding?

"Tapos, sa tingin ko pag doktor na ako, kukunin kong specialization ay pediatrics."