Warning: Triggering, suicide
JADE
The voice that spoke was oddly familiar to my ears. When I looked at the source,I could not make out who it was. She was on a wheelchair, her skin was pale, her cheeks sunken, her head in a beanie that seemed to swallow her entire head.
"I'm so sorry for everything Jade."
I raised a brow.
"You don't recognize me, do you?" she went on. "Karma is a bitch, they say, and I should have known that before I posted that stupid video a year ago. Stupid stupid me and my friends."
I still could not remember who she was in my life.
"You know, all of us who were involved were hit by terrible karma. Charlie was stabbed to death by his best friend Michael who committed suicide right after. Zoe got involved in a drug bust in May and got killed there. Jake was with her, was jailed and got burned by an inmate. I could not recall everyone, but a lot of misfortunes hit this year. And I myself, Alice, a few months ago found out I have leukemia and have only a few days of life. Our lives a payment for us causing Jesy to take her life that night.
At the mention of those names, visions of the past came flurrying before my eyes.
The night I fell down the stairs, I was looking into the mirror with nobody else around me. I woke up in the middle of the night, went downstairs, opened the cupboard and threw things around in anger I could not understand. I woke up in Jesy's room holding a razor, my arm tigered with wounds.
And it took me farther back in time.
I and Jesy were best of friends, basically sisters. We have been stuck at the hip ever since we were kids so there was no question at all of us deciding to stay together when we were in college. Jesy was taking up performing arts while I was into teaching visual arts. It was during those days, too, that Jesy always stood up for me, was always there for me and even made me feel so special and above anyone else. I would have fallen romantically in love with her because friends don't kiss friends,but we are way past that- it was all a normal and sisterly thing to kiss, at least not make out hotly.
Jesy was always the stronger one, but I had also seen her go weak. And it was the real last time I ever saw my strong big sister.
A few days before graduation, we were already saying goodbye and wishing good luck to our college mates, preparing for graduation masquerade, and something truly devastating happened. Jesy read through her social media for messages from the people she'd spent her college years with and found out, a lot of them have been hating her. Let's say she was Malena to her supposed friends and admirers, who secretly were only jealous of her strength and beauty. These people were showing their true colors before closing a Jesy-filled chapter of their lives, that is a life of inferiority under her. And the worst they ever did was post several photos of her with edited distorted features, one even showing a video of her face burning and smoldering uploaded by an Alice. I saw it all with her, and I wanted to make her feel okay. She's always been my rock, she needs me to be hers at this time.
Yet, when Jesy sought the comfort of her then boyfriend, a.k. a. my tormentor, she was met with more dismay.
Over the phone, Jake laughed off Jesy's pain. I could hear the conversation as I was sitting with Jesy at the living room.
"It just hurts so much to know that every single one of them were posing as my friends." she sobbed.
"No one ever is."he said bluntly. "You know what, seeing all that and how damn foolish you've been believing they were real, I don't think I'd ever want to spend my life with you."
"What?" Jesy's already swollen eyes started to well up again.
"I mean, I'm calling us off." Jake coolly went on. "And to tell the truth, I never really loved you. I'd never fall in love with a fat bitch like you." he audibly spat. "And also, just a tiny bit of information, your sister is as much a fool as you. I been screwing her as my slave, and you never knew." with that he hung up. Jesy's eyes searched for mine. I could not help it any more.The truth was out there so were tears in my eyes.I could only nod to confirm it was indeed true.
She threw the phone on the living room floor and ran straight upstairs. The last I glanced of her eyes, I saw no anger, but a deep sadness. She must have thought she failed me that Jake was able to abuse me at her back. Or that I failed her for having been too afraid to tell her.
I ran after her, only to be met by the slamming of her door.
"Jes! Open the door!" I hit it with my fists, worry coursing through my veins for what Jesy might do.
"I'm sorry!" I heard her sob from behind the door. And it would run for more than an hour knocking violently and hearing the same two words over and over.
When I'd gone exhausted and could only slide down the wall to the ground, I noticed Jesy had slid under the door a roll of paper.I pulled it out and read:
My dearest Jade,
You know how much I love you, but this is too much for me to take.
How could you always say I am perfect when all the others saw a fat ugly person in me? Why would you not tell me about Jake abusing you? Am I not worthy enough to know your struggles and that way I could protect you? Why?
I am sorry that I failed you. I have lived on a promise to always take care of you, and I have so badly failed. Maybe everyone is right, I am but a useless piece of crap. I think that is reason enough to not be worthy of living at all.
I'm sorry. Remember always that I love you. Take care of yourself always, because I could not as I haven't been able to do.
Farewell,
Jesy
This so alarmed me. I rose to my feet, grabbing a light metal easel from my room and hammering repeatedly down on Jesy door knob to force it open, and to much of my shock, a river of scarlet had pooled on the bed and atop it, the barely breathing form of my sister, her wrist cut wide open.
"Jesy!" my adrenaline was now pumping like an engine.
"I'm sorry!" were the faint words that came out of Jesy's lips. I knew I had not much time. Jesy was losing so much blood from the cut off vein and she needed to be rushed to the emergency right away.
There was no time for me to run to my phone and provide our address and details of my emergency to a dispatcher. Adrenaline-fueled, I carried Jesy's motionless body out to the car, and decided, even though I am deathly afraid of storms, I would drive Jesy myself to the nearest hospital on this stormy night.
And that is where the accident comes in. At the dangerous curve, on a slippery road, with mind clouded with fear of losing my only hero,with eyes blurred with the tears,I lost control of the car, eventually crashing it and waking up at the hospital.
It was all hard for me to take in, I had to find a way for Jesy to continue living in me even though, I am realizing now, my mind had messed up the details of that fateful night. There was no Jesy that actually tormented me. It was me all along!
