Most Lovely Words

Chapter 17: Insecurities

I stared at the phone, the video ending there. I was left feeling oddly sick to my stomach and emotional. Delina rubbed my arms, her eyes on me.

"Well... you watched it. How do you feel?" She asked with a worried smile.

"Fuck..." I blinked away more tears than I'd cried in a week, full of pain. "I don't know. That hurt."

"Yeah," She nodded, giving my arms a tender squeeze.

I tried not to ruin my last image of him with the image that threatened to spill over, but I could barely contain it. I wanted to remember him alive, smiling. Suddenly, I couldn't control it anymore. His face, pale, cold, and empty, was burned into my head. I fell into my knees, trembling and weeping. I didn't want to see him like that, but it had been stuck like an acid burn inside of me from the moment he'd died. I'd just been avoiding it, and well apparently.

I fought the breathless chokes and held myself as Delina wrapped her arms around me tightly. If only you knew the pain you put me through. I clutched my legs, hoping it would ease the pain somehow.

When I finally calmed down, I was dry and exhausted. The sunset had found its way into my room through the window, and I could barely swallow. Delina got up and walked out of my room, coming back a minute later with a glass full of water.

"Drink this," She instructed, handing the glass to me as she sat back down.

I chugged down the cold liquid, letting it rehydrate my sore throat. "...Thanks."

"Sure," She said simply, watching me with concern.

My stomach churned painfully, causing an awful acidic-like pain to envelop my insides. I clutched at it, wincing and hoping that Delina wouldn't notice. She rubbed my back, seeming quieter and sadder than I'd known her to be.

"You should eat," She said, reminding me I still had the full bowl of cereal that was by now spoiled.

"I'm fine. I'm not hungry," I argued, ignoring the gnawing growl my stomach made.

"And, I'm telling you that you're not. Jesus, Kallie. Take care of yourself." Delina demanded, shaking her head.

I looked at her, the worry filling her eyes making me feel even worse. I felt guilty, partly because she was right and partly because she was upset. I got up, walking to my living room table and inspecting the soggy bowl of cereal I'd left when we watched the movie. I picked it up, moving the spoon around in the contents, and settled for that.

I sat down on the couch, about to eat the cereal, when Delina swiped it from my hands in disgust and folded her arms. "No,"

"Wha- You took my food!" I muttered awkwardly.

"This!" She scrunched her nose at the sight of the bowl. "This is not food! Food is my Madre's homemade garlic bread! Food is going to a restaurant and ordering something! This- Ugh. You are about to make me go Great Aunt Tilia on your ass."

"Who?" I frowned, almost laughing at her tiny outburst.

"Nothing," She sighed and shook her head. "What do you have in your cabinets?"

I tried to take a mental inventory, but I had no idea what was left food-wise. I hadn't shopped in a while, and Bry's death had left me with new problems that took priority. Delina vocally showed her dissatisfaction with my lack of response and leaned her head back.

"Really?" She whined. "Ok. New plan. You're taking a shower, and then we are going shopping."

"I have no money?" I frowned, panic starting to greet me slowly. "Besides, it's been so long since I shopped for groceries. The last time I went was... for Bry. Um, look, can we-"