Most Lovely Words

Chapter 18: Heartbeats Faster

I was laying still, my eyes closed as I listened to Delina's voice. In my head, I was imagining what she told me to picture; Three things that I loved about Bry. I thought that would be easy, but I found myself in a gridlock. There are a million things I love about him. I started to drift off, my head going into the clouds. When Delina noticed I was still silent, she spoke again.

"Kallie, did you fall asleep on me?" She asked jokingly, though a small bit of annoyance was in her voice.

I opened my eyes groggily, yawning. "Almost."

"You're really tired," She understood, giving me a kind pat on the head.

"Yeah," I admitted, resting my arm under my head.

Delina laid down next to me, wrapping herself around me. My heart beat erratically, and I felt my breathing go uneven. In my mind, I was trying to stay calm. I was trying to convince myself that it was ok. But, I couldn't do it. Every ounce of me felt guilty. I kept asking myself why I should get to be happy. Bry told you to be happy.

After an hour of uneasy thoughts and emotions, I fell asleep. I dreamt that night, my dream leaving me confused but feeling better. In my dream, I continued to walk through the woods. This time, however, I found him. Bry stood in the middle of the open field that we'd been to when he was alive, smiling at me. We didn't say a word to each other, but it was enough. Seeing him smile, seeing his face, made me feel lighter than I had before he got sick. He wasn't pale, or cold, he was happy and healthy.

I woke up in a cold sweat, my heartbeats faster than ever. Delina was still wrapped around me, her body heat keeping me warm despite my cold apartment. I remembered that Kevin was coming over, and I was anxious all over again. I was stuck wondering if the two of them would get along, if they would like each other, and what he was going to tell me. I turned over to lay flat, watching my ceiling fan spin. It almost made me laugh, the way the blades spinning reminded me of my head lately. Delina woke up then, yawning and placing a hand on my arm.

"Hey," She whispered tiredly.

"How'd you sleep?" I asked, looking over at her.

"Not bad," She smirked lightly. "You?"

"I slept fine," I said, the dream slowly fading away. "I had a weird dream, but nothing bad."

"I see," She nodded, keeping her eyes on me.

"Ok, it was about Bry," I admitted sheepishly.

"What was it about?" She questioned, leaning on her elbow.

"I... I was walking through the woods?" I barely remembered the dream at that point, but the field with Bry in it stuck out the most. "Yeah, and there was a field. Bry and I went there a couple of times. He was standing in it, and smiling at me. He didn't say anything, but... I almost knew, you know? It was like... everything will be ok."

"That sounds like a great dream," Delina smiled gently. "I wish I could say I had a dream with that much meaning, but, to be honest, I dreamt about tacos."

I flipped back on my side, frowning and gawking. "You what?"

"Listen, I can't help it!" She laughed. "Food is just very good!"

"Delina," I sat up, jokingly glaring at her.

"Oh, God," She said with amusement, getting up as well. "We can work this out! I come in peace!"

I rolled my eyes, smiling a little. "We should probably see what time Kevin is coming over."

I grabbed my phone from the living room a minute later, seeing that Kevin had texted me.