Most Lovely Words

Chapter 10: Cold Coffee

Sitting in the dark under an old cemetery tree, I held some cold coffee and ran my fingers along the paper containing it. I tried to stop the dark and depressing thoughts that cascaded through my mind, but that proved to be almost impossible. All my heart wanted to do was burn, and my brain kept making that more accessible with every second I thought. It was Bry that consumed me. In every tree branch that moved, in every cricket that chirped. I couldn't stop thinking about him. Yet it hurt more and more every time I did.

"You left at the worst time. You know that?" I spoke out, the night air erasing my words with a brush of wind.

I finally acknowledged the drink that was still in hand, and I frowned. I had to drink it. Otherwise, it would go to waste. I took a slow sip, noting that the cold coffee was an excellent refresher. Delina might not have known, but her gesture had been hugely appreciated. I took another drink, letting the cold and energized liquid coarse through me. When I finished the coffee, I stared at the empty cup restlessly.

A breeze ran across the trees then, and I shivered. An empty feeling was seeping into my stomach, and I longed for someone's company. At that point, I didn't care who it was. I just wanted to see somebody. I got up, walking around downtown after I tossed out the empty drink in a nearby bin. The lights, and the bustling noise of everyone surrounding me, made me feel uncomfortable and better at the same time. I was grateful for the sounds, and the company, but it wasn't nearly enough. I still felt incredibly alone and sad.

All around me, people had hands to hold. They had smiles on their faces. And yet, I knew they were taking it for granted. They wouldn't know, couldn't know, just how delicate and precious their moment was. Tomorrow, they would forget about that chance to hold their love's hand. They would think that they had a lifetime of that, without a second thought. But, I would've given anything to hold his hand-just one last time.

I finally stopped walking when my legs wouldn't take me any farther, and I decided to go home. Calling a cab, I waited on the side of the curb and watched the crowd moving past. I wondered if any of them had ever lost someone, and how they could smile so brightly if they had. Because I couldn't imagine ever smiling again.

"Cab for Kallie?" The cab driver called out.

"That's me," I replied numbly, getting in and remaining silent after giving the driver my address.

I got out after paying when we got there and begrudgingly walked up the stairs to my apartment. My apartment was far too quiet without Bry in it. It didn't have the same feeling as it had with him in it. I crawled into my bed, closing my eyes and trying to ignore the choking grief that begged to be freed.

"You take this one," Bry says lightly.

"But, raspberry is your favorite," I frown, handing him the donut.

"Take it," He insists, shoving it back into my hand.

"Kallie!" His mother cries. "He's gone... Honey, he's... he's in a better place."

"NO!" I screamed out, crying and grabbing for him. I had never had that happen before. Somehow, a memory had become part of a dream. And yet, it was the worst memory my mind could pick.

A pool of tears had formed on my pillow, and my lips trembled. Sunlight was outside my window, and I stared at it solemnly. It felt like even in my dreams, I wasn't able to escape thoughts of Bry Taylor. I stood up slowly and then made my way to my living room. I sat down on the couch, picking up the album that Bry had put together. I opened it to the same page I'd left off on, running my finger along the photo that we'd taken at his house. His happiness seemed to radiate, and we both held a plate of cake.