𝐇𝐢𝐬 𝐀𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐲 | 𝐒.𝐌

Chapter 60

Shawn Mendes - If The World Was Ending

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A week passes in peace. I haven't spoken to Zayneb since the last time I sent her away. Lucifer texted me a couple of times and I plan on responding to one of his texts soon.

To keep myself busy I go to work every day and even when I'm at home I try to spend my time working, just so I don't have to think about Shawn. 

I still can't believe he disappeared like this. I close the files on my desk, stand up and walk out of my home office to walk Aristo before I decide to watch a movie.

When we get back I fill a bowl with some fresh water and sit down on the couch with Aristo next to me. The movie "Bambi" is playing on television and for the first time this week, I start to cry. 

Every Disney movie makes me think of him.

Tears start rolling down my cheeks within seconds, and the pain feels terrible.

'Why did he leave? What is wrong with me?' I cry, talking to Aristo.

I don't even know what I did wrong. What did I do for him to leave me like this? My heart hurts, slowly breaking into a million different pieces. 

I tried to pretend he was going to be back tomorrow, every day of the last week. I kept telling myself "don't worry, he'll come back tomorrow, don't worry." but no, he didn't show up. He didn't call. He didn't text. I kept disappointing myself day after day.

'He left me. The moment my life started falling apart, he left me...' I take my glasses off and throw them next to me.

I grab the necklace around my neck and hold it close to my lips.

'Please don't leave me like this... I beg you.' I whisper as if he can hear me.

I cry into my hands, feeling pain I've never felt before.

The dryer starts to beep and I walk to it, grabbing the clean and dry clothes, folding them perfectly. 

Suddenly I see a dark blue hoodie that's not mine. It's Shawn's. 

I grab it and smell the faint scent of pine needles, making me cry even harder.

I wrap my arms around it, hugging it as if it's Shawn. I lower myself to the ground with my back against the wall and let my tears wet the fabric of his hoodie. 

Aristo walks into the room and pushes his head against my leg, laying down next to me. He barks a few times and pushes his head against my leg again.

'What am I going to do if he never comes back?'

"He'll come back." My subconscious tells me.

What if he's dead? What if he went out to grab breakfast and got hit by a car? How will I ever find out what happened? 

Why did he rent his house? Why!? Why does he do this to me? He knew I was terrified of getting my heart broken, but he still did it anyway and leaving a stupid rose behind doesn't fix it! 

I start to panic, losing control over my breathing. I grab the necklace and brush my thumb over the engraved letters.

"S & B Always and Forever." It says.

I don't know what "Always and Forever" means in his world, but it's not this... 

My phone rings and I pick up without thinking, tears still rolling down my cheeks, my voice broken.

'Liz? Why are you crying?' Lucifer asks.

'It hurts...' I sob. 

'It hurts so bad.'

'What hurts? What happened?' I can hear the panic in his voice. 

'Wait, I'm coming over right now.' He hangs up the phone.

I look at my screen, swiping to my text messages. None of the texts I sent are delivered to Shawn's phone. I run my fingers through my hair and look at the screen as it becomes blurry again. 

Aristo startles when I shatter my phone against the wall. He stands up and barks before walking out of the room, back to the living room.

'I'm sorry.' I whisper.

Thirty minutes later my front door opens and Lucifer slides through the living room on his socks, looking for me. When he sees me sitting on the floor with Shawn's hoodie in my arm and my phone shattered on the ground he frowns.

'What did he do?' He sits down on his knees.

'He left.' I hold the hoodie against my face. 

'And I don't think he's coming back.'

'What do you mean? Where did he go? Did you fight?'

'No. He left last week. Took his stuff. Rented his apartment to some students. And left me to rot, heartbroken and alone.' My eyes start to burn from all the spilled tears. 

'Just leave Lucifer, I don't know why I even picked up in the first place.'

'I'm not leaving you.'

'Why not? Mum left us. Shawn left me. What is one more person?'

'Come on, Liz. Mum didn't leave us, she died. And I'm pretty sure Shawn has a good explanation. He seemed like a straight-up guy, I don't think he would leave you out of the blue.'

'I don't care. It doesn't make it hurt less.'

Lucifer doesn't say anything, he just wraps his arms around me and lets me cry onto his shoulder. 

My life was great before Shawn, everything was fine. I didn't feel pain like this, I didn't feel anything. He made me vulnerable again, he made me feel again, and the most terrible one of all, he made me love him. 

I love him with everything in me and the truth is my feelings for him are never going to change. No matter how hard I'll try to erase him out of my life, I will make the same mistake again if he comes back. 

Hell, even if he has left me for good, I would do everything over again, just so I know how it feels to really be in love with someone. 

He is the one for me and after everything, it will always be him...

Thank you for reading!

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Damn, I did a whole lot of crying while writing this chapter.