I'll Stay Till Sunrise || Jolex

Drawing me in

"No, no, no! I don't want to know!" I laugh as Alex and I walk to my car, through the pouring rain. Now that he's back, it feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest. I'm almost ashamed at how much I've missed him. 

"Remind me to never leave you alone wile you're drunk." 

"Remind me to never drink again. I forgot how much I hate hangovers." I retort with a friendly smile. 

I'm smiling but on the inside I know I'm terrified of what I did. A few hours later, okay it might've been the next day, I woke up sober with a masive hangover and as if that wasn't bad enough it turns out that the last person I called just happened to be Alex. I'd glady like to forget that tiny fact that's missing from my memory but in the hungover state I was I told Amelia and she'll never let me forget it... ever.

......................................................................

"How did it go with Izzie?" 

"Better than I expected. She encouraged me to be in Brooklyn and Robin's life and gave me a smack around my head for not answering your calls all those years ago."

The moment I walk in the front door, I'm overwhelmed by the smell of freshly baked cookies. Slowely I take off my muddy boots and head towards the kitchen. My stomach feels like it's making figure eights inside of me. I have to do this, Izzie has to know.

"Iz, we have to talk."

She tilts her head up from the cookies she was decorating  and her eyes meet mine. Confusion shines clear on her face. She knows something's up by the tone of my voice. I take a deep breath and start explaining.

"Back in Seattle I had a wife. Um Jo, her name is Jo. I lied to her about why I was leaving and ghosted her for a while. Then I sent her a letter with an explanation and divorce papers. It was a dick move but I wanted to be here with my kids. I knew if I would've looked her in the eyes I-"  My voice fades away and the kitchen is filled with silence.

"If you looked her in the eyes you wouldn't have been able to walk away. Because you love her. You still do." Izzie finishes my sentence for me. 

"Yeah, I uh- that was her, the woman in Seattle with the baby. She got all mad when because we were there, remember? I'm sorry, Iz. I'm such an idiot. Remember the medical conference in San Diego ? She was there and we both got drunk. Shit, I'm sorry. You know I've grown up, I'm not the kind of guy that cheats on his spouse. But she was there and we both had a lot to drink. I slept with her. I got her pregnant. That baby she was holding is ours. Mine and Jo. And it turns out that she was also pregnant when I left her. She tried calling me to share the news but I didn't answer. I'm sorry, Iz. I'm sorry for lying and not being the man you deserve."

She takes a shaky breath, her eyes clouding with tears. "At the conference, I knew something happened. I more or less assumed it was with some random girl-" She chuckles and shakes her head. 

"-It didn't occure to me it could've been an ex, let alone your ex-wife. The one you've been pining over ever since you moved here. Don't think I haven't noticed your moping. I thought it was because you missed Meredith and your friends, perhaps an ex-girlfriend. Damn, I should've known." 

It feels like a weight has lifted off my chest. She's not happy but she's not furious either, so that's good. This went better than I thought it would. Now the question still reamains, what the hell do I do know?

Izzie's voice shakes me from my thoughts. "Go to her, Alex. Tell her you love her. I kow you haven't done it yet, otherwise you wouldn't be here."

"Iz, I-I'm pretty sure I've completely screwed up every chance I have of being with her."

"You never know until you actually try. Alex, I'm serious. Get your ass back to Seattle." She makes a kind of waving motion with her hand and to my surprise she has a look of relief on her face. "Oh and Alex, you should've answered your damn phone!" 

"Jo, I-I never stopped loving you. I was an idiot and I'm sorry." 

My entire body stiffens at his words. Oh, how I've been aching to hear him say that. Stop it, Jo! I scold myself. He still left you, how do you know you can trust him? He will hurt you time and time again. 

"How do you expect me to react to that? You left me! Instead of telling me the thruth and giving us a chence, you gave up and ran to Izzie. How can I trust you after that?!" Tears starts to stream down my face. I've never stopped loving him either but he thinks he can walk everything back with a I'm sorry. 

"I know. I know I hurt you. I'm so so sorry. I'm not asking you to forgive me right away, just give me a chance to show you that I'm here, that I'm all in for you and our kids." 

Jeez finally an update. Urgh this took me so long to finish and it's still pretty short, I'm sorry.  

So at first I was going to make Izzie a bitch but the fandom already trashes her so much for Alex leaving even though it's not her fault. She's not really a character I like (the way sh left really ruined her for me) but she doesn't deserve to get blamed for Alex' choice. 

Anyway, for anyone who's curious about how my exam marks were. I failed 4 out of the 12 exams....