The subpar soldiers and the bomb of death (a Monty python inspired story)

Chapter 6: Russian on a train

After the boys got their visit from general Baskin they waited at the train station for the train that would take them to the canyon, where the bomb of death was located.

"Hey guys were the hell is the train" Alfa asked. 

"It's coming I can hear it but something doesn't sound right" Bravo.

The sound they heard got louder and louder until eventually they saw a large object coming towards them. It was a steam train with one coach car behind it which seemed to surprised the boys. The reason why there was a steam train there was because some countries were using old machinery to save the more high tech stuff for more dangerous missions.

" Alright men lets go and find us a bomb" Alfa said in a proud manner.

"You said it bro" Delta replied, and with that being said the boys boarded the train and set off into the canyon. The journey was about four hours so had a lot time to chat.

"Hey do you remember our training days" Alfa asked everyone.

"Me remember, they be fun" Charlie replied. 

"Yeah I remember the time you used your giant mini gun to flip the light switches on and off" Bravo said.

"You know I also did that except I Didn't use my grenade launcher" Delta said.

"Wait so what did you use" Bravo asked.

"You don't wanna know man" Delta replied.

"Well it couldn't have been his penis he blew it off in an explosion that he made" Echo joked.

"Hey fuck you man, you know what to prove to y'all that I still got one Imma pull my pants down and prove you fuckers wrong." He said angerly and was going to pull his pants down, but was stopped by the others.

" Ok everybody lets calm down and stop arguing" Foxtrot said trying to bring the peace.

" You know what Foxtrot your Right" Alfa said " the gayness in here is off the chart.

Suddenly the boys heard a loud crashing noise coming from the bathroom on the coach.

"What In the red hell was that guys?" Bravo asked.

"Oh for fuck sake man, how many times do I have to tell you It's what in the blue hell you moron"  Alfa replied.

"Guys we should probably go check was made that noise" Foxtrot suggested.

You right, men gear up Alfa ordered.

The boys got all their guns and armor and together they headed slowly to the bathroom to see what made the noise. When they got to the bathroom, Charlie kicked down the door and the boys were surprised by what they saw. In the bathroom was man sitting down with a bottle of vodka, a gas mask and was wear a big fur coat and hat. Alfa then spoke to the man.

"who are you?" He asked. The strange man then answered him.

"My name is Vladimir" He replied. The boys immediately notice that sounded very different from everyone else.

"Excuse me Vladimir were are you from?" Alfa asked.

"I am for Russia, why do think I have this bottle of vodka with me you crazy Canuck". He replied

"Foxtrot What side is Russia on!" Alfa asked.

"Well the relationship with Trump and Putin ended with one of them dead so then went to fight with Iran and Iraq" Foxtrot answered.

"You know you could have just said no bro" Delta said.

"Ok everybody shut up" Alfa yelled. "so Vladimir why are you here" he asked.

"Go away I will never tell you. Now go away and eat some snow with maple syrup off a hockey stick or I'll kill you all" Vladimir replied.

"Oh yeah what are you gonna kill us with, a hammer and a sickle you Russian pig" Alfa said.

Vladimir was getting mad so to anger the boys he put some vodka in his mouth and spit it all out on Alfas face.

"Yo man that's just wrong" Delta said.

Alfa slammed the bathroom door in a fit of rage. Vladimir continued to laugh at them and they were all getting annoyed by him.

"Guys we got to somehow get rid of this guy" Alfa said.

"yes, but how" Charlie asked.

The boys spent a few minutes trying to think of a way to get rid of Vladimir., But the Russian was being so loud and irritating, so it was really hard for them to think.

"Why don't we just kill the little fucker" Bravo suggested.

"No Bravo we can't do that were better than this" Echo said.

"Hey you guys I've just had a brain wave" Foxtrot announced.

"Ok then tell us what it is buddy" Alfa said.

"Why don't we go the engine and uncouple the train from the coach. That way we can get away from him and we don't have to kill him".

"That is probably the best idea you've ever had and you've had a lot of bright ideas" Bravo said.

"Yeah it's great and all but how do we get to the engine when the train is moving this fast". Echo asked.

"Simple we just go out that door, uncouple the car, kill the driver and the fireman so we can operate the train ourselves and away from Vladimir".

"Brilliant" Charlie yelled in excitement.

The boys then put their plan into action. They went outside and jumped to the tender with ease. Next echo took out his sniper rifle and shot both the driver and the fireman in the head. Finally they uncoupled the coach from the tender and steamed away as fast as they could, and to make sure Vladimir wouldn't find them again they switched point to a different track for the coach to go on.

"well done men" Alfa said.

"Hey Alfa do you think we went a little overboard in killing the driver and the fireman" Bravo asked.

"Nah I don't think it was that bad besides now can control how fast we go and therefore we can get to the canyon much faster" He answered.

"Yeah you're probably right" Echo said.

" now full steam ahead". Alfa ordered

The boys then got to work and made the train go faster than the speed and by doing that they had gotten away from Vladimir. Hoping that they would never see that Russian idiot ever again.