Misunderstandings And The F**K Boy

Spencer Comes Clean

Spencers POV

*Contains issues of Mental Health and Wellbeing"

I knew when I left her house that morning she had no intention to see me that evening.  Perry had come to the trial with me, he was pissed at her when he learnt she had blown me out.

Lucy had turned her phone off and no one knew where she was not even Lourdes or Asher.  We had even got Craig to knock at her house and he was told by Lucy's Auntie that she was having a "girlie" night at Ashers which we knew wasn't true as Asher was with us and just as worried.

The lads had said they had seen her Tesco, but she had ignored them.

When she did finally turn her phone on Asher had text me to tell me she was in Brighton.  My heart sank receiving that text message.  Harry Smith played for Brighton and Hove under 23's academy.  Had he taken her down there?  I was praying she hadn't fallen for Smith's charms and gone away with him on the rebound of what we had.

I was in love with Lucy.  I had admitted it to myself and I was scared of rejection again.  It had only been a crazy short space of time but she completed me.  It didn't help with Sarah turning up and Stacey with her stalking and shit stirring.  I had to see that Lucy was ok, that's why I went to cemetery but I couldn't speak to her there it didn't feel right.

"Luc" I say as I see her approaching me.

She gives me a stony look even angry she looks gorgeous.....I reach out my arm to her but she ignores me and heads straight to the bench.

My heart sinks rejection strike 1.

I sit next to her on the bench I sit  close to her but she moves away making distance between us.  Rejection strike 2.

"Lucy" I say...she doesn't look at me she is just focused on the ground, I hear her swallow and then she speaks to me in a low voice

"Just get this over with Spencer then we can both get going and get on with our lives...I'm sure you have someone else to meet....Sarah, Stacey, Chloe, Harriet so please don't string this out I think we have both wasted enough time".

I sigh...loudly...she hates me.......

"Look Luc, I'm going to tell you straight I should of told you sooner.  When I meet you and we started getting close I was the happiest I had been in a long time.  I was falling for you from the moment when I sorted your locker out.  When you never replied to my text and I said I would leave you alone I tried to move on and along came Chloe but it was you that I wanted.  When I thought Tyler was your boyfriend I got jealous because I wanted you.  I will never forget the day that we spent over her together.  My heart broke for you when you opened up and told about your Mum and the effect it has on you and Tyler.  I knew then you was all I wanted, needed."

I look at Lucy but she is still looking at the ground.

"Hopefully you will understand this....When Sarah broke up with me I later found out she had been cheating on before she moved away with Harry Smith. 

 Me and Harry are arch rivals in football and when he knew he couldn't beat me on the pitch he started shagging Sarah to get to me.  I was devastated.  I went into depression mode and started having panic attacks felt I wasn't good enough for anybody.  

My football got on top of me with the constant pressure.   I have been with my pro club since the age of nine and they dropped me when I was sixteen.  I had dreamt I would get a contract and play for their first team.  I had lost everything that I loved, my football and Sarah.  I changed, I became a bastard and yes a "Fuck Boy" but I didn't care, I couldn't deal with my emotions let alone anyone else's.  Everything I had known had been taken from me"