The Loving Silence

Chapter 5

Here is chapter five, and I must warn you that there is mention of suicide in this chapter. So, if that is a trigger for you, here is your warning. Other than that, please enjoy the chapter. Happy winter solstice!

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"What happened?" Rick questioned as soon as they both made it upstairs. He was feeling terribly on edge. It had been a long time since he'd seen Rue like this, and it made him tense. Things seemed to be going so great earlier. Where had it all gone wrong?

It was quiet for a while, and Rue just walked back and forth as he tried to gather his thoughts. Rick sat on the bed, giving the impression that he was waiting patiently, but inside, he felt anything but patient.

"It started on the drive here." Rue finally admitted.

"What did?"

"The memories," Rue whispered.

Rick finally understood. The near-car crash. Of course, that would make him remember. And then having to deal with so many people in his space, answering their questions... all of it must have just been too much. "I should've paid more attention to the road", he blamed himself.

Rue quickly shook his head. "No, it wasn't your fault. If that hadn't set them off, something else easily could have. But it didn't end there." he admitted.

Rick remembered the worried faces downstairs and Arlo's apology and frowned. If that boy did anything untoward... "Go on." he managed to get out through gritted teeth.

Rue grabbed a pillow, held it to his chest, and closed his eyes as he sat down at the top of the bed, leaning against the frame. "It wasn't anyone's fault. If anything, it was mine..." He sighed and pressed his fingers against his temples, hoping to ease the migraine that was fast approaching. It felt like fireworks were going off inside his head; all he wanted to do was lie in a dark room and not talk or think for an undecided period of time.

"At first, things were fine. They were asking questions, and I responded. I was doing fine. I was even feeling a little flattered. But then, for the first time, Austen spoke to me. Or signed rather."

"And you couldn't understand him...?" Rick guessed though it didn't seem like that was it.

Rue shook his head, regretting the action instantly as it made him feel as if he had been locked in a washer. "No, John translated, but even if I hadn't, I already know how to sign."

"You do?" Rick raised his eyebrows. "I didn't know that," he mumbled mostly to himself.

Rue shrugged and opened his eyes briefly. "It never came up."

Rick could feel that this wasn't the time to inquire about that further, so he dropped it for now.

"I didn't mean to, but I replied by signing out of habit, and as I do with talking... I ended up saying too much. I said something... about myself... that I really hadn't planned on saying, and they were more than a little shocked. I quickly changed the subject, but I could tell they thought it was strange, and I'm sure it changed their opinion of me. I ruined everything."

Rick knew he wasn't done speaking, so he sat calmly and listened to him, waiting until he had gotten it all out. He was very curious as to what he had said though, even if he'd never pressure him into telling him. As Rue spoke, a terrible crash came from downstairs. Rick heard it all clearly and froze, but Rue kept talking. He decided to deal with it later and went back to listening to Rue, hoping he hadn't missed anything.

"Then Arlo started to ask me more questions about my way of life and sticking to schedules, basically about me not being able to live a normal life, and I just... I faltered, and I got a little mad, too. I felt judged. You saying those things and worrying about me is one thing, and I don't mind that, but I didn't want to hear that from him."