The Loving Silence

Chapter 30

Mica knew the person standing in front of him, but he wished he didn't. It hurt to even look at him after how things had ended. Raven had been like a son to him. He had trusted him and tutored him, effectively showing him all the lessons he had learned during his long and successful career. And what had the boy - no, the man - done with all of that invaluable knowledge? Nothing. Instead of using his talent to help others, like Mica had taught him, he got himself disbarred and then involved in a kidnapping and attempted murder, all over something as useless as drugs.

He wasn't sure if he felt more disappointed or betrayed. It was almost a tie between the two. Raven had been to his house, his home, on multiple occasions over the years. He has shared meals with his family, spent time with his partner and his kids. He had even watched the kids for him a few times, when they were little and used to come to work with Mica.

Yes, this betrayal ran deep and Mica wasn't sure he could ever forgive him. Because of Raven's actions, a young man nearly lost his life and Mica's family almost lost a husband and a father. For their sake and his own, Mica was livid and he felt very protective of them all. No one was allowed to hurt his family, and frankly he felt a little ashamed. He was the one who brought Raven into their lives. He couldn't help but feel he was also to blame for all that had happened, and he knew not how to best hold himself accountable for that. How to make up for his sins. He wasn't sure he could forgive himself, or if he should.

"What. Are. You. Doing. Here?" He tried his best to keep his voice level to keep himself from shouting.

"I couldn't live with what I had done. I had to, I had to know you were okay. I wanted to apologise—"

Mica did something he never thought he would do. He lost control. He made a point never to resort to violence, taught his kids to always use their words. But after all this person had done, he thought he could just waltz back into their lives and apologise? Thinking he had the right to use Mica's forgiving nature and play on the bond they had shared, just so he wouldn't have to feel guilty of all the things he was in fact guilty of...

This was simply too much for Mica. His pacifist nature be damned. He pushed Raven and he pushed him hard. The tall, lanky man was not expecting it and went down like a deck of cards. Mica tried his best to ignore the pleasure that now coursed through him. He has repressed how good it felt to let loose and do the wrong thing for once. It had been so long.

"Apologise!? Are you kidding me right now, Raven? Not even if you apologised to us every day for the rest of your life could your actions be forgiven or even understood. How!? How could you do that to me? To anyone? How could you choose a substance over another person's life, multiple lives?"

Raven simply stood there and listened to all that he had to say. He made no effort to defend himself or argue with anything that Mica said, for he was right to say all of it.

"I know that. I did not mean that I wanted to apologise with the hope of being forgiven by you. On the contrary, I do not ask you to forgive me. You or the, well, the young one. Nevertheless, I would be an even more contemptible person if I did not even attempt to apologise to you both." He looked Mica in the eye, "'When you've done something wrong, you admit it and you apologise. Not to be forgiven, but to own up to what you've done. You apologise because it is the right thing to do.' "

Raven continued to hold his gaze, even after Mica looked away. "It was you who taught me that. My mistakes are not a reflection of you or your teachings. How I now deal with said mistakes, are. I have made many callous mistakes in my life, and people have gotten hurt as a direct result of my poor decisions. I am truly sorry for all the pain that I have caused. I do not ask for forgiveness for I do not deserve to be forgiven. Not yet at least. But for the rest of my life, I vow to do everything I can to make it up to you two, and to your family. I will become clean again. I will become the kind of man you raised me to be. The kind of man you would be proud to stand next to."