The Loving Silence

Chapter 11

It was eerily quiet in the room. Rue had barely let out a breath or moved since the call ended. His mind was going a thousand miles an hour trying to grasp what had just happened. He had been asleep when the phone rang, but he was definitely fully awake now. Nothing to wake you up like a call from a lawyer who informs you your last living relatives have kicked the bucket.

He had the habit of biting his lip when he was stressed and lately he'd been biting it so much his lip had split and he could taste the drops of blood on his tongue. Still, he couldn't stop. He sighed and stared at his phone. 8.30. He had only gone to bed a few hours ago. A headache from hell was brewing and there was nothing he could do about it. He massaged his temples, hoping to be able to postpone it at least.

He knew he didn't want the lawyer to come here. This was his home. He didn't want any remnants of that life to enter the life he had built for himself. That left only one option. He knew he would have to go back to his hometown and meet with him there. Suddenly he felt freezing cold and begin shivering while a drop of sweat ran down his temple. It had been a while, but he knew what was happening to him. It was the relative-effect.

It had been years since he left that town, but the mere thought of going back was enough to trigger his fight or flight instinct. Right now all he wanted to do was flee. But he couldn't. If only he could bring ... with him there, have him as his support. He quickly dismissed the thought. He would do it alone. He was done bothering his friend with his issues. Rick had his own life to live and he did not need Rue to distract him from that. His wife and child was his life now, which was how it should be. Just because that wasn't an option for Rue, didn't mean he didn't want it for his best friend. He knew he'd make a great father, because even though they were not far apart in terms of age, Rick had been his first father figure.
Rue would be forever grateful to him for that and that gratitude only solidified his determination to stay away.

They weren't exactly speaking at the moment, and Rue wasn't ready to see his friend just yet. He was bowing out, but he loved his friend more than anyone and it would take time for him to make himself be okay with the notion of not having him in his life. If he saw Rick right now, his conviction would waver, and he would not have that. No, Rue would go through this alone. He could handle it. They wouldn't be there this time. In fact, no one would. Both his grandparents and his mother were now gone from this world...

Wait... He wouldn't have to go to the house would he? No! He screamed in his head. He would book a hotel room for the night and he would not stay in that town a second longer than he had to. He'd take the train and book a two-way ticket right away. Take taxis between the train station, the hotel, and the lawyer's office. He could talk to him today and ask to have the meeting at his office, at the hotel, or even at a café if that's what it took to avoid the house. He would not go back to that place.

His frown grew deeper, he clenched his jaw and then began to pace. The lawyer couldn't force him to go there, could he? But what if something in the will made it so that he had no choice but to go there? He did not want to go there.

Then again, his grandparents had never wanted him in their house, or anywhere near it. Surely they wouldn't make preparations and write a will that would force him to go there...? Unless of course they did it out of spite. He groaned and pulled at his hair in frustration as he realised he couldn't put it past them. They knew all too well what it would do to him to go back there...

He let out a humourless laugh. Even in death they were hellbent on messing with him.

Would he ever be able to escape them? The relief he had felt after the call was now long gone.

The faint ringing in his ears suddenly sounded like large bells. He couldn't quite catch his breath and his face was starting to numb as he felt the room begin to tilt. His eyes could no longer focus and everything appeared distorted and blurry.

Luckily Rue had kicked his duvet and pillows off of the bed during the night, and thus he landed softly when his legs finally gave out.

Around half an hour later, he began to stir. First he just laid there, stretched and yawned. But when he realised he was lying on the floor, that's when it all came back to him. He made sure to breathe deeply so that he wouldn't faint again.

He wished he could just go to sleep and not have to deal with any of it, but he didn't have a choice.
He was the last of the "family" line. There was no one else. This was it. He had no more living relatives, no family, no anchor. Not that they'd ever been his anchor, but some naive part of his inner self had held on to a tiny hope that maybe someday they could become... something to him. That they'd realise their mistakes and want to be part of his life. Granted, the likelihood of that happening was minuscule, yet hope springs eternal. Until death kills them dead, that is.

While he'd known it since that painful day many years ago, the Universe had now made it official. He was all alone. He laughed once.

"I suppose this must've been written in the stars."

It wasn't that he was close to his grandparents, or even that he mourned their death. They'd been lost to him for a long time. But even though they weren't part of his life, they'd still been out there somewhere, alive. He wasn't sure why, but knowing that all of his blood relatives were now dead somehow unnerved him. This was a definite end. There's no going back, no hope that things would be different some day. They were all dead. End of story. He just hoped his own story wouldn't end like this... He sniffled.

The loneliness that overcome him was making his eyes water and he had to swallow repeatedly to keep the tears from escaping. It felt like he was gazing out at the vast universe, realising just how small and insignificant he was. His heart raced and fear filled him as he envisioned himself in the midst of all that vastness, facing his unknown future alone. Alone in the Universe. That's how he felt right now, and it made him feel emptier than he'd ever felt before.

It was Tuesday today and he knew he wanted all of this to be over as soon as possible. He found a night train leaving for his hometown that same day and figured that there was no time like the present. He booked it and then he turned to Google. He tracked down a hotel that he hadn't heard of and booked a room there. He knew he'd be more likely to bump into someone who knew his grandparents if he chose one of the hotels that had been there since the flood.

Then he called the lawyer again and informed him of his plans. Fortunately for him, he was free to meet with him on Thursday morning thanks to a cancellation. Since he wouldn't make it there until Wednesday morning anyway, it was perfect. He could spend the day at the hotel, maybe order some room service, sleep and gather his thoughts before the meeting. He'd have enough time to do that, but not so much time that he'd have to wander around town and potentially bump into someone.

They decided to meet in his office. He insisted they would need the privacy. That of course made Rue's mind wander aimlessly as he considered what the will could possibly have to tell him, but he tried his best to let it go for the moment. On Thursday he would find out and he would be able to say goodbye to that life for good.

While his nerves were all over the place, that thought did bring him some hope. Some peace, or at least faith that some inner peace would soon be felt. He printed the ticket, packed a bag, set the clock and then he went back to bed. With the trying days that awaited him, he would need his sleep. Things would be hard enough for him and he didn't need sleep deprivation to make it worse.