Becoming The Pirate

Christmas Without Mama - 7 yrs

It was the first year without Mama since she died. I missed her. I missed her a whole bunch. Papa said that she was in Heaven and that she was watching us.

Since Papa told me that, I kept looking up at the ceiling. I was hoping to see Mama's eyes, the sound of her laugh, but there was nothing.

"Mama," I said, lying in bed one night, looking up, "are you there? Papa says that you can see me and hear me. Can you, Mama? Can you see and hear me? Can you tell me a story? Please?"

Mama didn't say anything that night, nor any other nights since she died. For a while, I slept with Papa, but he didn't tell me a story, and he didn't check for monsters under the bed as Mama did, but he held me close. Papa told me he loved me and that he, too, missed Mama.

I believed him. I caught Papa crying a few times. He looked like me when I cried, all teary and stuff. I didn't like seeing anyone cry, especially Papa. Papa never cried before, not since Mama.

When Papa married Sofia, he stopped crying. I only met her one time before Papa married her. I met her son at the wedding, though. He was smaller than me and quiet, hiding behind Sofia's leg while she and Papa were saying their vows.

His name was Daniel. He was five. I was seven. I tried to talk to him, but he didn't talk back. He was always behind his Mama's leg. I tried to be a good boy like Papa wanted me too, and tried to get along with Daniel, but I don't think Daniel liked me. He always ran away when I tried to approach him.

That Christmas day, though, the first Christmas without Mama and with Sofia and Daniel was a sad one. Well, a sad one for me. It wasn't the same without Mama.

We didn't smile, and it wasn't as fun. Daniel cried when he saw me; Papa didn't laugh, and Sofia wasn't Mama. I wanted Mama. I wanted to be happy again.

Christmas morning, I received a couple of gifts, not as much as when Mama was here, but enough because Daniel was here. Daniel got a few gifts too. He looked scared to open them, even when Sofia told him it was alright and it was for him, but Daniel still looked scared.

I was annoyed. "They're for you," I said, shoving a present his hands. "Stop being a baby and open it."

"Christopher," Papa said sternly, leaning forward in his chair, "stop it this instant."

I threw Papa a look, then looked back at Daniel. "Are you stupid or something? Open it. It's for you."

Daniel started to cry. He ran back to Sofia, who wrapped her arms around him, holding him close, just like how Mama used to do when I was sad. I started to cry too when I watched that.

Mama, I missed Mama.

"Christopher Taylor! Apologize to your brother this instant!" Papa said, leaning even farther from his chair.
I turned to him and curled my fists up real tight.

"He's not my brother! I don't want a brother, and I don't want a new mother! I want Mama! Mama!"

"You're mother is gone!" Papa shouted. That made me cry harder, the tears running off my chin. I could hardly breathe. Realizing what he did, Papa threw himself back against his chair and put his hands over his face like he did when he was upset. He sighed, his hands still on his face. "Christopher, go to your room. Sophie will bring you your breakfast."

I cried even harder. "Fine!" I yelled and ran. I ran all the way up the stairs and into my room. I slammed my door. It scared me when I heard the noise of the door. I jumped at my own anger, but that quickly was forgotten when a new set of tears came.

I threw myself on the bed and hugged my Mama scented pillow. I held it close; I treasured it. Mama, I wanted Mama. She knew how to fix this. Mama knew what to do. She always knew what to do.