Dead Souls Last Stop

Im going to write a story!

I regret my past. But even more i regret the decisions ill do in my future. I dont think that my fade is far away from me. Its something, i think, what my good known friends will never understand. But i see no future for me, i aint got plans for my life. Im just waiting and waiting and waiting. I dont know if it ever made any sense or if i ever could be really happy. I wish i could change the past, to correct all those mistakes in my life, things i did, i experienced. I dont know if that would change me. Maybe its my provision to life like this. Maybe it is supposed that ill die young. Actually i dont want to get old. Im scared to get old. Sometimes when im in my bed, im thinking how it would be, to live in a time travel film, like Steins Gate or something like that. I dont think that its cool. I just want to experience the pain, of loosing friends, making descions that destroy lives, being the only person that rememers great memories that are deleted for the others. Im getting of the topic i think. It happens often, that im talking about things and drift to another thmatic. I think im going to write a story. Seperated from this book, and in german of course. I really would like to write a story in english some day, but in the moment is my vocabulary and my english skill way to low. I dont know if i should write a romance. I like to, but i know how much love hurt, it hurts me every day. So i dont know if i got the strenght to write a love story. It would break me, with every chapter i would write. Because it remembers me of my pain, my love. so yes, i think thats it for now.