She's a Badass Teacher

BAD #49

CRAIG DELA ROSA'S POV

Everything is so f*cked up and it's all because of me. I don't know why I reacted like that.

Eventhough I promise to myself that I'm willing to accept her whoever she is, I still messed up, no not just messed up I ruined everything, I made her cry without wiping her tears away, I said hurtful words to her, I call her names that I don't want to say again.

And to top it all, I just stood there looking at her when she turned her back at me. I want to reach out my hand and hug her tight, I want to say sorry for the things that I said, I want to say that it's her who matter the most but I didn't , I didn't do anything and that's the worst feeling I ever experience in my entire existence.

Iba talaga kapag nandun ka na sa sitwasyon, hindi ko inakala na kakain ko lang rin ang lahat ng mga sinabi ko noon, and I'm really angry because of that.... I'm mad at myself.

 Hinintay ko siya, nagawa kong maghintay dahil alam kong babalik siya. Dahil sinabi niyang mahal niya ako, bakit kase sa isang iglap lang nakalimutan ko iyon. Ang labis kong pagkamiss sa kanya, ang mga ngiti niya at ang lahat lahat ng tungkol sa kanya.

Hindi ko sasabihing mali ang ginawa ko pero hindi ko rin sasabihing tama, hindi biro ang nalaman ko, she is a killer before, an assassin.... who will not be shock upon hearing that ? It's difficult to take in, knowing that she kills numerous people, innocent or not.

Killing is a sin, in the eye of people and god.

Franz father is one of their victims, kahit hindi siya ang gumawa naging parte parin siya non. Franz father is very dear to me also, he stand as my father when my dad turn his back on me, when he feel ashamed of me and when he throw me like a garbage in a trash bin.

I get mad about what happen at Franz father and I put the blame on her kahit wala naman siyang kinalaman doon. Nadala ako nang galit, galit na dapat hindi ko pinairal sa sitwasyon. Nasama pa ang tungkol sa mga bata, masakit sa akin na hindi nakasama ang tatlo simula pagkabata nila. Na nagawa niyang ilihim sa akin ang importanteng bagay na iyon, although she explain her reasons it seems not enough. Not enough to ease the pain I felt and longiness because of her.

The moment when I see blood flowing from her neck I snap back. But not enough again, Pride, frustration, hate and many more took place.To much mix emotions and everything. I forgot the most essential thing above all. 

That I love her, I love her so much that everything will not matter. I love her that I'm willing to accept her. I love her because she's the mother of my kids, the woman I want to marry and spend my life with. I love her because she's the woman I love, I don't care if her name is Allisea or not as long as my last will be her surname.

I wish I can turn back time and undo the words I say, but that will never happen. I should move forward and start fixing the mess I made.

I'm here alone at my balcony with a glass of wine at my hand. It's midnight but I can't sleep, knowing that she's crying because of me. Consience is killing me, I want to do something but my ego is fighting over it.

Gusto ko siyang puntahan at suyuin, sana ganun lang kadali. Tsamba lang dahil pagkatapos namin magusap tulog na pala ang mga bata, pinunasan ko na lang sila at pinalitan ang suot na damit. Pero hindi iyon ang kinagulat ko, nagpadala siya dito nang gamit na sasapat para sa isang buwan. Lahat nang gamit na iyon ay para sa mga bata.

She doesn't show herself, note lang ang kasama nun na nagsasabing hahayaan muna niya sa poder ko ang mga bata nang isang buwan saka namin pagusapan ang custody.

Hindi ko alam kung san siya nakatira, walang magbabantay sa mga bata, yan ang mga dahilan kaya hindi ako basta makaalis. Ayokong ipagkatiwala sa iba ang mga anak ko, I don't know na ganito pala ang feeling ng isang ama. Hindi ko kaya na iwan sila basta lalo na't ngayon ko lang sila nakasama.