A New Chapter Begins...Again

n i n e

Tom: What's going on with you?

You: I don't know

Tom: Yes, you do. Come on there are no kids around, lay it out

You: I think I gave Ryker my anxiety and panic attacks

Tom: How could you know that?

You: Before I called you, he had a full-on panic attack. He's 10 Tom, 10

Tom: I know, but maybe there's something we're missing

You: Yeah, I gave him my mental illness

You start to cry because you're so overwhelmed. Tom wraps you in a tight hug

Tom: We don't know that at all

You: Where else would he have gotten it, Tom?

Tom: He's a kid, doctors are scary to them

Kristen: Hey—Oh, are you okay?

You wipe your face and dry your hands

You: Yeah

Kristen: No, what's going on?

Tom: She thinks she gave Ryker her mental illness

Kristen: No, you couldn't have

You: Yeah, I could've. It was one of my reasons why I didn't want a child

Tom: What?

You: I had been looking into it most of college. I know it can be passed to your children

Tom: Did you not want kids?

You: I did, it was just a reason on my 'why not' list

Tom: Okay, you scared me

You: How did I scare you?

Tom: Because if you didn't want kids, then I would've pushed too far

You: Tom, having those kids changed my life in the best way. Even if I didn't want to have kids, I'm glad I did, and I'm glad you're their father

Tom: So, I didn't push?

You: No, you haven't pushed in a while

Kirsten: You know I'm still here, right?

You: Yeah, we do...

Tom: We are going to put our kids to bed

You and Tom head upstairs to put the kids to bed

Ryker: Mom?

You: Yeah bubs?

Ryker: Am I going to be okay?

You: Absolutely. You've got a ton of people here to make sure of it

Ryker: Are you sure?

You: Yes, and if you feel like you're not dad and I are down the hall, and aunt Kristen and Uncle Harrison are across the hall. Okay?

Ryker: Yeah, okay. Goodnight mom

You: Goodnight bubs

You kiss his forehead and head to bed

Tom: He okay?

You: I don't know

Tom: What do you mean?

You: He asked me if he was going to be okay

Tom: Uh—wow—umm

You: Even he knows something's wrong...

Tom: Well, when he goes back to Dr. Louis again, we can bring it up

You: I'm hurting him...

Tom: No, you're not. Stop blaming yourself, please

You: I can't. I knew my luck would run out

Tom: Look at me

He grabs your face and wipes your tears with his thumbs

Tom: You're not hurting our children. We need to focus on you now

You: I know, I just don't want the twins knowing about that

Tom: They won't

You: I'm also going to your parents if this happens

Tom: Why?

You: I would be at the hospital up there

Tom: That's fine

You: That's if I need it done, I'm hoping for no

Tom: Me too

You snuggle your head into Tom's chest, and he holds you tight. In the middle of the night, you feel something between you and Tom

You: You okay Ry?

Ryker: Yeah, I'm with you guys

You: Alright

You go back to sleep and wake up to your alarm the next morning

Tom: Morn—hey Ryker

Ryker: Hey dad

You just let out a laugh and Ryker leaves

Tom: Shortie, when did he come in?

You: Around 3 or 4 this morning

Tom: I almost kissed our son thinking it was you

You: I'm sorry. What about now?

He gives you a kiss

Tom: Much better