Die Arthia

B i l a n g XCV

I look at Arthia carefully, watching every expressions she'll make. I've been waiting for this, I longed for this but not this way.

I never wanted to see those expressions on her face. Guilt and dispair.. or maybe, I'm just used to her hostile expression.

"T-there's another heart beating!" The doctor got my attention. Tia who is looking far, flinched. She look at the doctor. The horror on her face is mix surprise. The doctor found my eyes. "B-but she has lost t-the child.." He said like he is accused of a crime. "I-it's probably a twin, Y-Your majesty!" He said.

I frowned and look at Arthia, she's now looking down in her stomach with tears falling from her eyes.

Very far from the Tia I know.

I know she's blaming herself for what has happened.

I'm also blaming myself that I wasn't able to save those people.. the people around us. But I'm more of scared.. Tia in sorrow, it's scaring me.

She lost the people who I plan to live with us until the end. She has now got what she wished when she was younger and there's no reason for her to stay..

I'm scared that she's true to her words and die like what she always told me.

"B-baby.." When I heard that Tia lost our child I'm mad. I'm furious at myself that I'm always inferior to those things, I'm never step ahead. I wasn't able to prevent them.

"Tia.." I called her. Her purple hair is behind her ears, showing her pale face. She has bags under her eyes, it was actually swollen, but she's still the prettiest.

She lost her brother.. we have lost a lot of people.

She look at me without any emotions. I don't know what she is thinking.. I've never know. She never let me.. she won't let me no matter how hard I try.

I smiled at her. After all the happenings.. this is still a good news, right?

She look down, not wanting to see me.

"You can now go." I told the doctor. The doctor and his assistant excused theirselves and left.

"I want to be alone.." She has lost her voice, probably because her shouts last night was too much. It was too painful. It sounded like a cursed full of pain..

"L..leave." I sighed. When Tia's like this, all I can do is obey her. I'm scared that she'll hurt herself infront of me if I defy her.

"I'll be back." I whispered and kissed her on her forehead. She didn't move. I bit my lower lip moving away.

I don't want to turn my back on her. I never wanted that, but if me walking away will give her peace, I'll gladly shut a door between us.

Tia is a handful lady. You need to have a lot of patience and understanding to be with her. And it's worth it. I get to see her and be with her.. It was enough.

I wasn't greedy when it comes to her.. I know when I did, I'll lose her.

"It was proven that Prince Sansebastian poisoned the Concubine, lady Clair." I looked at Caesar. He looked away. He has accused me of killing my own mother. "What will you do to the body of the revolutionaries Your majesty?" I stopped stamping the papers on my table and focus on Caesar.

"What do you think?" I asked sarcastically. "Hang their body in cold or feed them to the beasts but the beasts won't like them, surely."

"The cremated bodies of the D-duke and lady Cecilà is on their manse." I can hear Caesar's voice filled with pain. I nodded slowly. "And Theodore.. he's buried besides his mother on their province." I nodded. Tia won't be able to handle Theodore's funeral.

Even I, who learnt to be fond of that child who thinks I'm a competitor when it comes to his sister, it's painful to see him covered with blood trying to save his sister.

If Theodore didn't do that, surely I'll be the one who'll do that. Only if he had wait.

I shook my head.

I'll gladly catch a sword for Tia, but chance didn't let me. It let the other people sacrifice.

"And your mother.. buried besides the fallen Emperor." I nodded.

I am just like my mother. We both fell inlove with the person out of our reach. Tia is out of my reach, she never let me reach her.

The palace have become quiet for the passed weeks. Only at night, you'll hear sobs of a lady.

Sobs of pain.

Every night I visit Tia, I'll hear her apologize to the people she's lost. From Den, Duke Ariese, lady Cecilà and to Theodore. She'll cry her apologies until she fall asleep.

And when she did, it's my sign to open her door. I'll see her hugging herself in cold with tears falling from her eyes as she sleep.

It's a painful sight.

It's a cursed to me.

"Tia.." I called her, but like the other nights, no answer.

I nodded and sitted on the bed. Her stomach in now showing, it's bulging.

My child on Tia.

I placed her comforter on her thin body. I smiled and caress her tears.

I want to talk to her. I want to let her know that I'm here for her. I'll listen to everything she'll say like what I always do.

"Tia marahuyo.." I whispered and look at the only display on this room. The yellow flower. I replaced it with the new one I'm holding since I went it.

"L-levi.." I flinched when I heard her. She opened her swollen eyes and smiled at me. Tears started to fell from her eyes. I wasn't able to move when she stretched her hand and it landed on my face.. "Levi.." She called in so much pain. "You're in my dream.." She said. I shook my head. I wanted to tell her it's not a dream. "At least in this dream I'll be able to call you freely.. without guilt." I bit my lower lip.

I found her small hand in my face and held it tightly.

"I w-was actually grateful I met you.." Her voice sounded like it's forbidden. It was too painful. Full of fears and dispair. "I stayed with you because y-you're one of the good things that has happened to me in this lifetime." She smiled faintly at me. I shook my head and move her hand to my lips. I shut my eyes tightly feeling her pulse.

"Let's live together." I offered her. She smiled at me. "Let's live together for a long time Tia." She smiled, her eyes sparkled, probably because of the moon's reflection and her tears. "I'll turn my back on everything.. let's live quietly in a far land.." If she can't stay here because of the tragedy, of the pain.. I'll gladly leave with her.

She nodded at me.

"W-we'll stay here.." She whispered assuring me.

I nodded believing her.

I nodded at her, always believing her. My heart was too ecstatic that I believed her words easily.

But Tia lied.

I look at the small thing lying on Tia's bed. It's loud and noisy. It's moving with its small hand.

"C-caesar?" I called Caesar. "Why.. where's Tia?" I asked.

The loud thing kept crying on Tia's bed.

My heart breaks at every sound that small thing would make. It reminds me of Tia's sobs for the lot of night she spent here. I lost count. We were fine.. she told me she'll stay with me here.. so why am I left with a small loud thing?

"Theo Ausy." I looked at Caesar confused.

It took me a long time to accept everything. Tia will never stay with me. No matter how huge or great the things I offer to her.

Tia disappeared after giving me the best present.

♡
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