I'm Not Afraid (Clexa AU)

Chapter 7

-Clarke -
When Raven came back I expected her to be mad or something similar. She looked sympathetic and caring. This confused me because she is meant to be on my side. She still is, right?
"Clarke-"
"I know you're not with me on this, so what changed?"
She looked at me with love in her eyes. " I care about you Clarke but this is bigger than us. Lexa asked me to keep this quiet and it's so important that I have to do it. "
"You're meant to be my best friend. I trusted you to help me but you didn't."
" Lexa will tell you but in her own time. You need to respect that right now. I get that you're hurting, and thats alright, but you need to know that she cares for you and that she just needs to feel that connection again. "
"No! This can't be happening. You're supposed to be on my side!"
" Side? There are none. This is what's best for you so listen to me. "
"Whatever." I was so mad that she sided with Lexa and not me.
"You are going to allow Lexa her space and let her tell you in her own time. You have to do this."
" But-"
"No buts. Unless you're offering anal, ha. I love my humour."

I understood but I didn't want to. It's hard when someone leaves you, even harder when they come back. You have to find a way to go back to the point where you left off; it's harder than most think. I have to make a plan.
Clarke's To-Do List:
1. Make dinner
2. Get a decent night sleep
3. Find out what Lexa is hiding from me
4. Forgive myself
Point 3 will have to include me faking friendship with Lexa. I'm going to have to pretend that I forgive her and I know that it's mean but it's a necessary evil. Maybe, just maybe, there are no good guys.

Clarke: Hey. We need to talk.
Lexa: Sure. Where do you wanna meet?
Clarke: Our old place, where we used to go.

When I got to the cliff, I saw Lexa sitting there. She was waiting for me whilst watching the sun go down. It made me miss what we used to have. What could've been amazing.
"Hey." I said, breaking her reverie.
"Hey. What did you want to talk about?" She looked tired. Really tired.
" Us. Well more importantly, the lack thereof. I want us to go back to what we were. I do. And I wonder if you feel the same way. "
Lexa paused for a minute. "I would love nothing more than to become close again. And I'm not going to pretend that it's going to be easy, because it won't. But we can try, if you would forgive me...?" She looked so scared. This was going to be difficult .
"I forgive you Lexa." We embraced and then I told her that I had to go home, go to bed.
Once I got home, I messaged Raven.
Clarke: I listened to what you said and I talked to Lexa.
Raven: Great! What did you say?
Clarke: I told her that I wanna be friends and that I forgive her.
Raven: Clarke... I know you and I know that you aren't very forgiving. At least not this easily. What are you up to?
Clarke: Nothing. It's just... It's different this time.
Raven: How is this different?
Clarke: I think that I still love her.
Raven: Fine x I believe you. Now goodnight luv x
Clarke: Night xxx

I fell asleep after that conversation. It left me in a good mood. Not only do I get to find out Lexa's secret but I get to hurt her exactly how she hurt me.
I woke up at my alarm, at 4 am, to see a message on my phone.

Lexa: I can't wait to hang again!!!
Clarke: Me neither! x

This is going to be so worth it!

I did my daily run to the childcare centre and Maya and Madi were already inside.
"Hey Clarke. We weren't expecting you today. I thought you had some studying to do this morning?" Maya asked me, concern filling her eyes.
" I did some last night and I'll do more before the exam. "
That was a lie. With my worrying about Lexa's secret and my artwork, I had completely forgotten about the exam.
"Okay but-" she got cut off.
"Hewwo Cwarkie." Madi had run over once she heard my voice .
"Hey Madi. How is it going with Aden?" It was funny that I said that to a child.
" Gud. But I no see him a lot. " she looked sad about that.
"Aww. Why not?"
"Me here fwirst and he leave late. It sad and lonely."
" You'll figure it out. Have a lolly. "
Madi took a grape lolly and then ran off to play.
I left for school after a few hours of volunteering. It's fun to watch these children play around with each other. I wish I was still their age.
When I got to school, I didn't see Lexa around. She must be running late. I was kind of glad about that.
But then I saw her run into assembly and take the last available seat... Next to me.

When the teacher started speaking, Lexa turned to me and opened her mouth to speak.

Author's Notes:
Hey, Nicole here. Sorry it's been a while, we took a break for Christmas. Hope you're enjoying the story. Don't forget to comment, vote and share because it's very much appreciated. Hope you're year goes well!
Nicole x