I'm Not Afraid (Clexa AU)

Chapter 5

- Clarke -
Lexa wants to talk after all this time. I'm not sure if she can make up for what she put me through. That night, all the memories that I had repressed came flooding back. One in particular:

*Flashback*
"Clarke! Stop Tickling me! Aha! Stop!" Her laughs were contagious and cute. I loved making her smile and she loved smiling. Lexa was one of the happiest people I knew. And when I was around her all I could seem to do was smile stupidly.
When I stopped torturing her I saw her staring at me like I was the only person in the world.
"You're amazing, you know that right?" She told me.
" You read my mind. I was born amazing. " I picked up one of the the framed pictures of Lexa as a baby from a dresser. "Just like you were born with that cute little button nose of yours."
Lexa casually touched her nose. "You think it's cute?"
" Honey, the most vain person in the world would think it's cute"
In all fairness, Lexa did have features that would be deemed adorable, her nose is one of them. I love how it twitches when she laughs and how it scrunches up when she's annoyed at me. I love how her nostrils flare are she sings and how she huffs out of her nose when she's revising. I love everything about her. I think I even love her.

I woke up, surprised at that memory. I think this was the first time that I realized how I really felt about Lexa. At the time, it was cute but looking back I realize how obvious my feelings were - even if she didn't realize.
I got up and changed out of my pajamas until I remembered, Lexa. She would be at school today. I would have to see her. It was only 3:30 am but I still got ready. The first child, Madi, gets at the center at 4am. I know it sounds crazy but her mother's a nurse and she does morning shifts, okay maybe it's a little crazy but I love Madi.  I am usually there for her since I'm her favorite but it doesn't help my sleep schedule.
I grabbed a cup of coffee before I left and then ran to the child care center. I'm generally not a sporty person but after the accident I realized that running clears my mind and makes me forget about everything.
As soon as I arrived, Maya was letting Madi in.
"Hey Madi" I waved to her and this 3-year-old waved back enthusiastically.
"Heya Cwarkie." Madi is a smart kid for being 3. She understands what people tell her and is very independent.
"Hello Clarke. I'm just going to put some coffee on. Would you like some?" Maya always thinks of other people even if they aren't that nice to her.
" Yes please. You are a lifesaver."
"You push yourself too hard. It must be difficult to manage child care time, school, homework, art and outside time with family and friends. You need to relax a bit." Maya was going to be a therapist before she realized that she had a gift with children. 
"I'm fine, really. I don't see my mom a lot because she is out there, saving people's lives. And I'm not that stressed. I'm okay." I told her.
" hey Cwarkie, guess what? "
"What?"
" Nooooo! You gotta guess. " she giggled in a cute and childish manner
"Umm... I don't know, tell me?" I responded.
" Aden is my boyfwend."
" oh really? When are you guys going on a date? " she probably doesn't know what a date is
She laughed again. "Uh.... well, when he gets here we're going to eat bwekfast together."
" well tell me how it goes! " I walked over to Maya and grabbed some coffee.
"Did you know about Aden and Madi?"
" oh you know how it is. They pretend to know that they love each other when really they are just friends. Its cute, really"
"Well... I'm off. Gotta go to school."
" Have a nice day! "
The whole school day was stupid and surprisingly I didn't see Lexa at all. All of my friends were in silly moods and I was glad when school ended because I'd had enough.
Since Lexa and I were only catching up, I didn't bother getting changed and I lightly jogged to Arkadia Café. Lexa was sat at a table, already waiting for me.
"Hey Clarke," She said when she saw me. " How was your day? "
"Good. How about yours?"
" it was fine. I woke up early because I had to-" Lexa cut herself off here as if she didn't want me to know. "Never mind. How have you been since... You know... Everything happened?"
" i was broken, torn to pieces. I was like a jigsaw puzzle that was missing pieces. You made me into someone who didn't want to live. Last year, I tried to end my life but as you can tell, that didn't work. Harper got me through it. Are you going to tell me why you left? "
"Um..." She was hesitant.
" what did i ever do to lose your trust? If anyone should be untrustworthy it's you because you ditched me. Abandoned me and left me to fend for myself. It hurt. So so much. " I don't think Lexa could ever feel how I felt.
"I do trust you Clarke. It's just some parts of my life are something that I can't share with you yet. I'm just trying to protect you from the harsh reality that is the world."
" PROTECT ME? You're the reason I was hurt in the first place. You know what? This was a mistake. I can't be dealing with this right now. Don't contact me. Ever. " I stormed out and ran without any intention of where to go.
I ended up at Raven's door. I knocked frantically, sure that I would break down any moment.
"I swear to God, whoever is there better have a good excuse for disturbing me!" I heard her scream from within. " Clarke? What's wrong? "
I told her everything that happened and she cuddled me and said soothing words.
"Don't worry." She told me. " I'll sort this out for you. "

Author's Notes:
Hi guys. It's Nicole here. This is where it all goes down. I hope you enjoy it. Don't forget to comment and vote. I would recommend the tv show Sex Education if you're old enough. Thanks!
Nicole x