I'm Not Afraid (Clexa AU)

Chapter 3

-Lexa-

I watch as Clarke beings to lose consciousness. I run over to her as fast as possible.
"Clarke? CLARKE! Are you okay? Wake up! You're scaring me" I was horrified that she had passed out at the mere sight of me but I was even more worried that it was an actual problem. Costia was like this and it ended up being worse.

*Flashback*

Costia falls to the ground, her body becomes limp. I didn't know what to do I just stand there frozen in place. I spend a lot of time with Costia, she's a junior but it doesn't matter to either of us. I don't like to admit it but I like her a lot, more then as just a friend. We flirt and cuddle and we've even kissed once but it's nothing serious, she doesn't like to be held down so she's never in serious relationships. I get over to her as fast as possible, I pull her head onto my lap just as she starts to open her eyes, "You blacked out again Cos" I whisper with concern. I know she see's the fear in my face. "It's nothing. Don't worry Lexie" she tells me. I knew she was sick but I let the matter drop. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened. Or the second.

/A week later/
Costia has passed out three times this week. I finally convinced her to go to the hospital to get checked out, I promised I would come with. Costia's parents weren't the most present, they loved her but didn't have the time for her, they were always working. I knew I had to make sure she was okay because she would keep brushing it off. We sat in an examination room, Costia is sitting on a hospital bed and I'm pacing up and down the room, a habit I tend to fall into during stressful situations, "Lexie calm down, everything is going to be fine" she try's to comfort but it doesn't ease my nerves, "What if it's not Cos, what if you're sick" I say, she rolls her eyes, "Oh come on-" she gets cut off by the door opening. "Hi, You must be Costia Greene, I'm Dr. Abby Griffin, tell me about what's been happening" Dr. Griffin says soothingly. I cut in, "She's been fainting" I tell her, Dr. Griffin nods and turn to look at Costia. "How long this had been happening?", she asks, "It's been happening for months now, but it's not a big deal" she tells her, "Costia, how frequently do you pass out" she questions, "No very often but it's gotten worse in the last week." she sighs, "Is there anything you've been taking, anything that could have caused this?" she says, "I don't take anything" Costia answers. "What other symptoms have you noticed?" she finally asks, "For a while I've had no apatite, I can't even eat without feeling sick, I have a cough that won't go away no matter how long, and I'm tired all the time even if I sleep over 12 hours" she admits, I'm horrified all of this was happening and she didn't say anything, didn't get help. "Costia, I'm glad you came in, I know it may seem unimportant but better safe then sorry" Dr. Griffin tells her, it was then that the feelings of guilt that I had from dragging Costia here melted away. "Well lets get an MRI so we can get a better look at what's causing this" Dr. Griffin says and we both nod.

Costia was taken away by some nurses, I don't know how long I was waiting but it felt like century's. What if something really was wrong? Eventually Dr. Griffin came back into the room. "Lexa did Costia ever tell you about the early years of her life" she asks, I shake my head, Cos never talks about her past, she was all about living in the moment. "Costia is sick, but it isn't the first time Lexa, she's having a relapse, it's cancer and it's back but wat more aggressive this time" Dr. Griffin explains to me, I feels my world crumble around me, this can't be true, she would have told me, she would have come to the hospital, she knew she was sick. "I'm so sorry. She... She waited too long to come in. I'm going to do everything but Lexa, It doesn't look good" she tried to reassure me but it wasn't working. I broke down there and then in front of this stranger, I sobbed until I could barley breath, I sobbed until I had nothing left in me.

*Flashback over*

Costia was older then me, I was only a freshman when she passed. I loved her, so much. I turn my attention back to Clarke. Her eyes were beginning to flutter as she regained consciousness, I knew how to care for someone after they've fainted thanks to Costia. "Clarke are you okay?" I  ask her still worried, it takes her a few seconds to get oriented. "Lexa?" she whimpers, "It's me" I reply. I have missed her so much, she smiles for a moment but then her expression drops. I know I majorly messed up, I left her. She starts to get up and I want to stop her but she's determined. "What are you doing here?" she asks her voice a mix of anger and sadness. "I came back" I murmur, I don't even know what to say, I abandoned this beautiful girl, it's unforgivable. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" she yells, we're standing in the hallway still. "YOU THINK IT'S OKAY TO JUST LEAVE WITH NO EXPLINATION AND THEN JUST COME BACK WHEN YOU PLEASE?" She asks, I gulp, I don't even know what to say. "You hurt people, you hurt me" she whispers. I feel my heart break, I hurt the one person I promised myself I never would. "WHY LEXA WHY DID YOU LEAVE?" I didn't want to leave you Clarke, my life was a mess and I didn't want to drag you down. You're so amazing, you have such a bright future, I couldn't compromise that. This is what I wanted to say, I wanted to tell her about the assault, the pregnancy, being kicked out, having to fight to stay off the streets but instead I tell her, "I had to Clarke", "That's not good enough Lexa, my life fell apart when you left." she pleads, I never should have come back. I just look down, I hate myself for what I did. "You know for a while people spread all sort of rumors about you, some thought you joined a gang other thought you ran away with your girlfriend. I would deny them every time, I convinced myself that you had a good explanation for leaving. It must have been important for you to just leave everything, leave me" Clarke explains, I feel a tear slide down my cheek, "I never wanted to hurt you" I say. She shakes her head, "Whatever Lexa" she says and walks away. Over the past years I have lost a lot, now I lost Clarke as well. 

Flashback

I walk into the hospital room, it smells like chemicals. There she is laying in a hospital bed,  She's shaking and her skin is pale. "Cos..." I mumble, I've never seen her so defeated, Costia was a free spirt she always wanted to do something crazy, she wanted to live life to the fullest. Her peachy cheeks have faded away but her eye's are still full of wonder and excitement, even when she was dying.  "Lexie" she wheezes and she smiles a little, I run over to her.  I sit beside her and hold her hand, "You knew.." I mumble, she gives me a sad smile, "You knew you were sick again and you didn't come in" I cry, why, why would she do this? "Hey it's okay, oh please don't cry" she whispers, "Why" I stutter between sobs, "Oh Lexie, the cost of treatments broke my parents, I couldn't do that to them again. I wanted to live as much as I could with the time I had, thank you for making my time amazing" she sighs, "Cos..." I choke, "It's going to be okay Lexa, everything is going to be fine"

Flashback over   

I was never good at goodbyes but Clarke had deserved one even though I didn't give it to her. I couldn't stand to stay in school for a second longer I storm out of the building a run to my car. I let emotion leak from my eyes, I let myself be weak for a moment.  I'm strong all the time, I have to be but it's not easy. I have to be strong for Aden, but I'm just a teenager, a teenager who doesn't have her parents but instead is one herself.    

Bonjour, It's Nola again, I hope you enjoyed out third chapter. If you read this thank you so much and please vote and comment so we know you're interested, Nicole and I are working hard to make sure we get chapters out as soon as possible. I hope you have an amazing day, night, afternoon, and morning.

-Nola ❤