I'm Not Afraid (Clexa AU)

Chapter 4

-Clarke-

After I left Lexa, I decided to stay at school I needed my friends support. The day went by quickly after that, I immersed myself in my classes and tried not to think about the watery green eyes that haunted me. Like many days I went to the daycare center after school, It's nice to be somewhere that feels safe. Being with all the children here lightens everyone's mood because they are so cute.
I started volunteering here after my dad died. His death caused a darkness to envelope me. My counsellor recommended volunteering somewhere innocent and light-hearted. She said that it might bring me away from a bad path that came with loss. This was a few years ago. I still work here and I love it.
Today I'm playing with Aden, a 2-year-old boy who is the cutest little boy ever. He always gets picked up late, I leave the center at around 7 for dinner but Aden is always here after me. Why is he always here so late? It doesn't matter though, as long as he has somewhere to go, it's okay.
Aden was sat playing on his own when I walked over to him.
"Hiya Aden. How are you?"
" Gud. Me happee" He told me.
"That's good." I said, and then to myself I said, " Glad one of us is having a good day today. "
Lexa had left me in an angry mood and that upset me. The fact that she still had that kind of power over me after abandoning me.
"Clarke! It's so nice to see you. I feel like we just keep missing each other." Maya was another worker here and she's so nice. She cares for these kids more than their parents. Maya always makes sure that they have everything that they need.
"Yeah, I was just catching up with Aden. He's the most adorable and intelligent boy ever." I tell Maya and she giggles, "Aden is a very amazing little boy" she adds," Aden, You want a lollipop?" I ask, "Yu-huh." I walk over to one of the draws and  I give him a strawberry flavored one and he said "Fank oo". he says and waddles over to Maya to show her his treat.
I then got called to another little girl who needed the bathroom so I went to help her. When I came back, Aden was gone, he must have gotten picked up earlier while I was gone. This shouldn't have mattered,  he was home and safe now but today was already an emotional day for me and it trigged something. Why does everyone leave me, everyone just leaves like my dad.

*Flashback*

My dad meant the world to me, he was my best friend, the person who understood me.  I couldn't believe that he left. He was a traitor. My dad told me that he would always be there for me, he said, "My life is complete, I have you and your mother in it, what more could I want". I thought the same thing but he was gone. I guess my life is sort of empty.

My mum thought that it would help if I had someone to talk to about this. She pulled some strings and got me in with one of the best adolescent therapist in the state. I was grateful but when I got there I had no idea what to say, "Hello Clarke, I'm Dr. Wallace" he said I just smiled is response. 
" Tell me, how are you feeling today? " he asked me.
"I'm fine." I whispered
" Can you tell me about your relationship with your father before he left? "
"No." I was very upfront with him, I didn't want to relieve those memories.
"Well since you're being uncooperative, all I can suggest is to volunteer somewhere that will help you to see how much you are needed in this world."

*Flashback Over*

That was my first ever counselling session. I never really went to them, I only went to see him if I was feeling better about my father's death and myself. One day I just realized it was my normal and I got used to it.

After the last kid left at 8 O'clock, later then I usually stayed but I needed a distraction tonight. I left and grabbed some takeout. After getting Thai, I ran the 2 miles it takes to get to my house. My father died in a car crash and I could never bring myself to get in another car again. It hurt me too much and every time I tried, it ended up with me having a panic attack.
My mmm was actually home tonight, which is a surprise.
"Hey Mom, I'm glad you're here" I felt the tears brewing in my eyes.
"What's wrong Clarkie Bear?" That was the name she used to call me when I was sick.
" Lexa... She... she's....back " I started crying and my mum held me in her arms, trying to soothe me. I explain everything that happened today and it feels so great to just let it all out.

"I know she hurt you and that today must have been hard for you, but it seems like she cares about you Clarke" My mom says,
"Mom we weren't..." I didn't know how to respond to this.
"Oh Clarke. You naïve child. It was always obvious that you liked her. Everyone else could tell that she liked you back. We all wondered why you two never 'hooked up' - as all the cool kids are saying"  she snorted.
" Mom! Please never say that again." my laughter contradicts the tears streaming down my face.
"This will all work out for you, sweetie" And then, her phone went off,  she was needed at the hospital. I know she felt bad about leaving, I needed her right now but she had a job to do.
"Go Mom. I love you so much."
" Love you too, have a good night. "
This left me to drown in my thoughts. If Lexa cared about me, why would she leave me, she must've had an amazing reason, or maybe I am that easy to leave. All I've got to do is figure it out. Then my phone buzzed.

Lexa: Hey Clarke, I just wanted to say I'm sorry, you have every right to be angry at me, I'm sorry I caused you so much pain. I want to explain it's just hard. 

Clarke: Can we please talk?

Lexa: Yeah, Arkadia Café after school tomorrow?

Clarke: Okay

I'm not ready to forgive her yet but I want to know what's going on with her, I needed the closure of knowing why she left me. I wish she would just tell me. But she knows that I am a trustworthy person and I hope that it's enough to make her tell me. I just need to find out what's going on with her.

Why does this girl get under my skin so much!

Author's Notes:
Hey readers, it's Nicole here. This chapter was kind of fun to write because Clarke is beginning to realize that things, and people, might not be what they say they are or seem. Nola and I are writing quickly so that we have this for you so don't forget to vote and comment. Enjoy!
- Nicole x