Memories

LXIV

MIDNIGHT MEMORIES

'Five foot something with the skinny jeans
Don't look back, baby, follow me
I don't know where I'm going but I'm finding my way
Same old shit but a different day'

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When the Foxes arrived back at campus, Thalia was so relieved she actually stepped out of the bus and collapsed onto the concrete of the parking lot. Thalia pressed her eyelids together and words arose in her mind. 'I promise never to cry'. She held that promise in the front of her mind and willed the tears away. 

What seemed like hours later, a firm but gentle hand lifted Thalia to her feet. Kevin led her inside with the rest of the team. They all seated themselves on sofas and the other girls handed out drinks. Wymack went around and gave everyone snacks he'd collected. Kevin got a doughnut for Thalia, knowing how much she loved the food, even though Kevin's brain was wired to eat only healthy foods. She thanked him and took a bite of the delicious snack.

Kevin leaned over Thalia and looked at Neil. "We need to talk about this," he said in a low and urgent tone that Thalia guessed must have been French because none of the other Foxes seemed to understand what he'd said. 

"We will."

"This," Kevin said more urgently, pointing at where his number two tattoo was. Thalia didn't have to look to know Neil's had been destroyed. She'd been there when it happened. When Romero handed his sister the dashboard lighter that ruined Neil's face.

"Now now," Neil said. "Later."

Thalia put a patient hand over Kevin's and gave him a look that made him back down. When Wymack finally sat down, Neil and Thalia became the center of attention. Thalia shifted uncomfortably and avoided everyone's eyes. She hoped Neil would get the point and do the speaking.

"I don't know where to start," he said. Kevin rubbed careful circles on the back of Thalia's destroyed palm. She watched his fingers do it to keep her eyes preoccupied.

"The beginning?" Dan offered.

The Foxes already knew Thalia didn't have many memories of her time on the run with Neil, or any of her childhood in general, but what she could offer, they took in like hoarders. Thalia found it interesting, how after being away for months, the Foxes still cared for her wellbeing. No one had ever been that interested in her life before. No one had cared about what she had to say. 

"You just left her behind?" Allison had asked. She looked concerned for Thalia and slightly annoyed at Neil, but under all that, Thalia could see understanding and sympathy. She didn't know much about their childhood situation, but Allison at least knew what it was like to be abandoned by family.

"It wasn't my idea," Neil said. Thalia squeezed his knee, showing she understood. She'd understood since the moment he told her about it all. "But when we went back for her, Thalia already thought we were dead."

They didn't tell the Foxes much about their time on the run, because it wasn't pretty most of the time. Neil told them about how he hadn't known their father's relationship with the Moriyamas until Riko told them both at the fall banquet and how Kengo had been the Butcher's superior.

Silence followed the end of the explanation, and Thalia found herself bobbing her knee up and down impatiently. When people started asking questions, she left most of them to Neil, but added a few things when the question was directed at her.

"You said your uncle is negotiating a truce with Kengo. What if he can't?" Renee asked at the very end. Everyone looked at Neil hesitantly, even Thalia. 

"He'll kill us."

"You're not serious," Matt said, unbelieving. Thalia sighed and shook her head, lifting it.

"No, Neil's right." She said. "If Stuart can't arrange some sort of truce, Kengo will make someone kill Neil and I." 

"We're loose cards," Neil added. "Dangerous on a good day, and unforgivable when Kengo is dying. The Moriyamas can't afford that in their empire when they're shifting that much power around." Thalia hummed in agreement.

"Yeah. Riko was acting more antsy these past few weeks, and Tetsuji was meaner on and off the court. It's because of the power shift. Kengo's health isn't good, and they're working on making Ichirou, Riko's older brother, the new leader of the whole Moriyama empire." Thalia said. The room was quiet once again, and she stood, leaving the room. Thalia couldn't deal with that much silence. She'd had silence after the pain for many months now, and many before that. It wasn't something she could deal with for much longer.

Thalia sat on the curb outside, listening to the birds in the trees and all other surrounding sounds. She pulled out a cigarette and lit it, bringing the stick to her lips. A few minutes later, Kevin emerged from the locker room and sat next to her. Thalia offered him a cigarette, but Kevin shook his head and sighed. 

"Neil wants me to tell the press who my father is. He thinks it'll eventually get the attention off the two of you." Kevin said. Thalia looked sideways at him and stubbed her cigarette out, knowing she needed to listen. Kevin put his head in his hands and Thalia put her hand on his back. "I know you want me to do it, too, but I don't know how or if I even can."

"You will," Thalia said. "When you're ready. Not because Neil wants you to. Not because I want you to. You'll tell him when you want to tell him, and you don't ever have to tell the press if you don't want to."

The rest of the team soon emerged and Thalia and Kevin stood. Renee stopped in front of them and put her arms carefully around Thalia. It was kind, but protective, and Thalia didn't know much about Renee's past, but she knew the other girl had been through shit and come out the other side stronger and a better person.

Andrew walked over to his car and popped the locks, getting in the driver's seat. The rest of his group followed, but Thalia stopped Neil by putting a hand out in front of him. Neil met her eyes and she shook her head with a frown on her face. "You can't force him to tell," was all she said, then she walked over to Allison's car, asking if she could ride with her and Renee. Allison nodded and Thalia got in the back of the car carefully.

Somehow everyone ended up in Neil and Matt's dorm. Thalia noticed with a start that all of her paintings were stacked against walls all over the place. She looked to Neil in a silent question and he looked sheepish when he replied. "They were going to throw them out. You weren't coming back. I couldn't lose this last piece of you." Thalia smiled and crossed the room, hugging her brother carefully. 

Matt and Aaron moved the sofa out of the way and the rest of the girls showed up with blankets a few minutes later. People went back and forth between rooms as they changed and claimed spots on the floor with their pillows. Thalia found herself back in her room more than once, and she eventually went into the bedroom where she'd slept for a few months before returning to the place she'd lived for a while when she was younger. 

The loft bed was just as she'd left it, and when she checked under her pillow, Thalia's prized possession was still where she'd left it. Her watch, the one Neil had said her mother had bought her as soon as they'd gotten her out of the nest, had stayed with Thalia throughout everything. No matter what happened, she had her watch. She didn't even really understand why it was so important to her. Maybe because she'd hoped it meant a simpler life, when she didn't have the burdens of Drake or foster care. It was just a watch. Thalia saw that now. But she still put it on and felt the cold metal against her wrist, knowing she was safe.

When she made her way back to the boys' room, Thalia lay down with Kevin in front of her and Renee behind her. She hadn't felt contentment in months, and now she knew she was home. She was a Fox, and Foxes stuck together, no matter what.