Memories

XLIV

I MISS HAVING SEX BUT AT LEAST I DON'T WANNA DIE

'My hobbies include
Pushing away these girls that maybe really like me
Cutting people off because I don't trust exciting
But what the fuck have I done?'

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When the girls got back the next day, Neil called an informal meeting at the stadium. Kevin knew part of what they were about to be told, and had said he didn't need to go. Andrew, newly sober, hadn't said anything, but Neil knew he would do whatever Kevin agreed to. 

"There's things I didn't tell you, too," Neil said. "Other things you need to know." Jean had gone back to Abby's to sleep last night, and she was watching over him today, so that Neil could tell the rest of the team without them demanding to see him. Kevin would probably beat Jean up. Neil didn't know the ins and outs of their friendship, but figured there was some sort of tension between the two, considering the way they'd acted whenever Neil had seen them together. 

"Ok, so," Neil started. He was standing in front of the team, all of them - bar Andrew and Aaron - looked worried at Neil's appearance. It made him uncomfortable, but he continued. "By now, you all know Thalia and I spent the holidays at Castle Evermore. Well she stayed. She swapped places with someone."  Neil glanced at Kevin, who looked stiff. Kevin looked up from the ground and stared straight at Neil. "With Jean."

In an instant, Kevin was standing and making his way across the room. Wymack, who'd been standing to the side with his arms folded, stepped in an held Kevin back from punching Neil. "How could you!" he yelled. "How could you let her go back there!" he said in French.

"I told you yesterday, Kevin," Neil said with a tone he could only hope sounded even. "It was her decision. She said it was a debt for a debt."

"Bullshit," Allison said, drawing the attention back to the rest of the group. "Thalia wouldn't do that. Did Riko dye her hair too?" Neil went white. He didn't know. Didn't remember. Like most other things about his stay at Castle Evermore, the fact that Riko could have brought back Thalia's true identity, just like he'd done with Neil's, made him sick to the stomach.

"I don't know," then Neil turned to Kevin, who had started calming down, but had tears in his eyes. "If he did," he said in French, and then Neil shook his head. "He might make her play at Nathalia Wesninski. That wouldn't be good."

"He wouldn't," Kevin said, face paling. "That would force the Moriyamas into explaining her disappearance, and make them tell the press why she isn't dead. He may have changed her appearance, but Riko wouldn't make her play as Nathalia."

"So where's the French bastard?" Aaron said, startling Neil. He hadn't expected either of the twins to say anything. "Is he here? You said Thalia switched with him. What does that mean for us?"

"He's at Abby's," Wymack said. "She's making sure he doesn't leave. He's been a real handful lately."

"I almost broke his leg the other day to stop him running." Neil said, making Kevin's eyes go wide and some of the others look concerned. 

"Okay," Dan said slowly, getting the conversation back on track. "So what now? Will Jean play for us as a replacement for Thalia? Because without her we're only just meeting the regulation number of players." Kevin shook his head as he made his way back to his seat.

"Jean would never play for the Foxes willingly." he said. "But we can stop him from running. I know how." he added when Dan went to speak. The captain nodded and Neil sighed.

"I told her not to stay. I tried to make her see there was no point. It wouldn't be good." Neil said. "But she insisted. She told me there was no other way. A debt for a debt, she said. I'm sorry, guys."

"Don't you be sorry," Nicky said, brows creased and a fierce look in his eyes. "Riko will pay for taking her from us, and then we'll get her back."

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Neil hadn't gone with Andrew and Kevin to see Jean at Abby's, and he'd trusted the two not to hurt him too much. Instead, he followed Matt into their dorm room and headed straight to his bedroom.

Despite being home for a few days, Neil hadn't really had the energy or time to unpack his things. So now he took the time to put his things back in his drawer. Kevin had given him back the folder Neil had made him take to New York with him over the holidays, and Neil put that in his safe.

A piece of paper fell out of one of Neil's folded shirts. He frowned and picked it up. Neil unfolded it and recognised Thalia's messy scrawl immediately. It was in French, and Neil skimmed over it a few times before frowning. He shoved the paper into his pocket and finished his unpacking with a single thought going through his mind - how?

After he was done, Neil left the room and told Matt, who was sitting on the sofa watching a movie, that he was going to Abby's. "Okay, just be careful," Matt said, and Neil hummed as he grabbed his keys and headed out of the door.

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Neil,

I hope you find this and don't just discard it as a spare piece of paper. That would be pretty embarrassing. Anyway. I know that the others won't be happy with my choice, especially Kevin, but it was the right thing to do, even if he can't see it.
Despite popular belief, I do think about things before I act. For instance, I've written down the phone number of Jeremy Knox at the bottom of this page. I know there's no way Jean will play for the Foxes, mostly because they've been such a low ranking team in the past few years and probably wouldn't be able to handle the embarrassment if you failed.
About three months ago Jeremy came to me when I was practicing in a community centre. I turned down his offer of joining the Trojans, but he was persistent and put his business card in my things before he left. I don't know why I kept it. Maybe I knew I'd need it someday. 
Call Jeremy and tell him that Jean is looking for a new team to play on, and that the Trojans would be a perfect fit for him. If Jean says no, tell him it's either that or never play again, because it's probably the truth.
I'm not sorry about what I'm doing, and I hope that in time, you and Kevin can understand my decision. However, I am sorry that I never got to spend more time with you. To make new memories to make up for the ones I can't remember. Hopefully we'll be brought back together someday. You haven't even left and I already miss you. 

Your forgetful and not-sorry sister,
Thalia Josten