Under My Skin

Better Than Me

"Kevin!" She called, making my heart stop

"...Yes, Auntie?" My voice shook

"You come in here right now"

I rushed out of my bedroom, my heart in my stomach

"What's the matter?"

"What's the matter? You have the nerve to ask me what the matter is?"

"I'm- I'm sorry, I don't..."

"Like Hell you don't! You know how bad you made me look!? You have no business calling up your mother like that. And crying, no less. Like a little pansy.. is that what you are? A little Pansy?"

"No.. I-I'm not.."

"Then don't act like one. Your mother would be so ashamed if she saw you acting like this. She didn't raise a Pansy... do you have any idea how fucking bad you make me look when you call her up, crying?"

"I'm sorry-"

"Sorry doesn't make this go away. You always try to make me into the bad guy, don't you?"

"No-"

"Don't speak."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Do you have any idea what I'm giving up to keep you here with me while your mother and father fight over who has to take you? I gave up a penthouse in Paris. Because your mother thinks you're too sensitive to hear them fight. No doubt, you get it from your father.. he's hardly even a man. And because he taught you to be just as spineless as he is, I have to give up my life to keep you here."

"I-I didn't ask you to do that, I didn't want-"

"Did I tell you to speak?"

"I'm sorry"

"You'd better be. I gave up all that to take care of you when I never wanted to in the first place. And you aren't even grateful! You call your mother up, crying like I'm the bad guy. You're manipulating them! You're manipulating them into thinking I'm this horrible person, well, I'm not! You're just a vindictive little bastard who has it out for me!"

"I-I don't! I didn't mean to cry, I'm sorry, it just happened, I was upset! I-I didn't mean to cry!"
I insisted, blinking rapidly and harshly as my eye twitched slightly. My tics are getting worse at the drop of a hat, lately. I tried to stop it, but tics aren't exactly something that can be controlled

"Did I tell you to speak!?" She shouted, slamming her hand down on the table in front of me, making me cower in fear

"I'm sorry- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to!" Tears finally fell, my eyes already aching from the violent blinking

"And for the love of god, stop twitching like that! You look like a fucking mental patient!"

"I-I can't... I can't help- I can't help it.."

"Just keep your eyes open and stop humming like that, are you fucking retarded?"

"I.."

"You are, aren't you? That's why you're always having those little meltdowns of yours, you're just retarded, aren't you!"

"I'm not!"

"I thought I told you not to talk back!" She grabbed my face, forcing me to look up at her

"Please- Please don't touch me, please.." I begged, keeping my voice as quiet as possible

"I don't want you ever calling her up like that again, you hear me? When she calls, you tell her all about how well you're doing. If I hear so much as a sniffle, you'll have much bigger problems than this. And I will be listening. You got that?"