Under My Skin

To Be Alone With You

"....I told him I loved him" I mumbled, tapping my fingernail against the single domino in my palm

"That's a very big deal, Kevin.. was that scary for you?"

"Yeah" I scoffed

"Well, how did you overcome that?"

"...I just said it. I had to tell him. So I said it. And he said it back." I answered without looking up.

"..can I ask what the deal is with the domino?"

"I like the sound it makes... and it's the perfect one, only one dot on each side, perfectly balanced to an even number.."

"This is new.. what triggered it?"

"I don't know.. I've had a lot of anxiety, lately.."

"About what?"

"Everything... there's a lot to be worried about.. a lot's changing.."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"It's a great thing..that doesn't mean it's not scary... I've never even had a friend, I haven't even seen anyone but you and Adelaide in years, now I have a boyfriend that loves me a-and touches me, that's good, but it's scary!"

"Okay.. are you thinking you want to take a step back?"

"God, of course not, that's ridiculous, I adore him." I scoffed harshly

I don't know why I'm lashing out so much, I'm usually so good at handling my stress. Well, I also haven't had this much stress in a while.

"..what do you think was the straw that broke the camel's back?"

"...I think the camel's back broke a long time ago, and some sicko just keeps piling hay on him while he's down..."

"Kevin, this doesn't seem good for you."

"You don't know what it's like."

"No, I don't. But you have to find a way to manage your stress, or else you can't have a healthy relationship. I want this to work out for you, but to succeed, it'll be work. You have to be willing to put that work in. Are you?"

"Of course I am... I love him like crazy.."

"Then we need to find you some better ways of managing your stress. And you need to be open with him about that."

"I don't want him to think it's his fault."

"Then explain it that way. The key to a successful relationship is honesty, Kevin. You have to be honest about how you're feeling.. if you're scared, he has to know. That way, he can try to help you through it.. you said he loves you?"

"Yeah.."

"Then he'll be more than willing.. give it a chance, okay? When he comes over tonight, just be honest with him. It'll bring you together, trying to push down that stress will just pull you apart. It creates a wall between you. Even if you think misunderstanding it will hurt him, secrecy will only hurt him more."