Under My Skin

If You Know That I'm Lonely

"So you get all your groceries delivered?" He raised an eyebrow, pushing his fork through a small pile of rice

"Yes.. is that so hard to believe?"

"Kind of. The store doesn't deliver."

"I pay someone to deliver the groceries."

"Why all that fuss? Just to avoid the store, wouldn't it just be easier to go to the grocery store?"

"I can't."

"Oh.. can I ask why not?"

"It uh.. it makes me nervous.." I understated

"That's tough.. my brother has anxiety. He doesn't go to stores really, either, they're too crowded for him.."

"You have a brother?"

"Yeah, he's nineteen. Do you?"

"No.. I wish."

"So you don't have like.. any family?"

"No, not really.. It's just me.."

"Do you at least have a girlfriend? Or something?"

"No.. all I have is your reminders of how lonely I am" I chortled

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.."

"No, it's okay.."

".. none of my family lives here. They're all in Rhode Island.. I know it's not the same, but I'm kind of by myself out here too.."

"Well.. y-you can always come over here. Except when I'm asleep. Or in the shower, you can't come when I'm in the shower."

"..you're funny"

"I'm serious..."

"So am I. You're funny."

"I'm not funny"

"You make me laugh.."

"You're just laughing at me.."

"I'm not. I think you're funny.. you're a funny guy."

"..I am?"

"Yeah.. you are."

"...do you ever watch The X Files?"

"X Files? I love it"

"..you do? We have to watch it sometime!! I-I've never had anyone to watch it with"

"You have to come to my place, I just set up the tv, it has great picture, it's like you're there"

"I don't want to be there."

".. there or at my house?"

"Either... I-I can't go, I... I've got... things.."

"You don't have to be afraid to come to my house, I'm pretty harmless.. and it's clean, you seem to appreciate that"

"I do, it's just... it's nothing to do with you. I can't go.."

"Oh.. okay.. maybe another time.."

"Maybe.." I fibbed

I've sealed the deal, the boy thinks I'm weird. If he didn't before, he does now.
I wasn't ready to tell him everything, I wasn't ready to admit that I'm just that pathetic.

"...you know, I really do appreciate you coming" I stared at the floor "I know it doesn't seem like it, but it's nice to have you.. you're very nice. I-I don't have anyone over, really ever... I like this."

"I appreciate you inviting me.. I don't have many friends around here either."

"..really?" I questioned, failing to hide my surprise