Under My Skin

Take Yourself Home

Here's the thing - The more I push myself, the less I think. One might think that'd be a good thing for me, to think a little less, but frankly, it's disastrous. I get too confident. I push too far, and I end up making everything worse. I'm a bit self-destructive in that manner. Once things start getting better, I mess it all up.

I'll be honest, I started the day poorly. Things didn't go right. I should've known from the start, it was going to be bad. I should've stayed in bed, I should've taken an extra dose of Ambien and slept the day away. But I didn't know. I was blissfully unaware of what was coming.

"Connor, please I-I really don't think you should go.."

"Why not?"

"I don't know, it's just- something bad is going to happen, I know it is.."

"Like what, exactly?"

"Like... I don't know! Please, I just, I have a really bad feeling about this, something's not right."

"Kevin, you think that every day.."

"Just.. stay here, you can- you can play with my hair some more!"

"Kevin, I have to get to class at some point. Don't worry about me, okay?" He assured me, throwing out his paper plate

"All I know how to do is worry.."

"Just try not to think about it.. keep yourself busy. I'll be back before you know it."

"...When you're a doctor, can you fix my head?" I scoffed, trying to ease the tension I'd set in the room

"I'll be back before you know it, Kevin." He repeated, gently pushing his fingers through my gelled hair

"...I'll see you tonight?"

"Of course. I'll bring the food."

"With-"

"Yes, touched only with gloves. I've got it, don't worry.. have a good day, alright? Record that episode of Twin Peaks for me"

I nodded.

"I'm... I'm glad I got to see you this morning..."

"You know who I'm super glad I got to see this morning?"

"Who?"

"..My boyfriend" He grinned, stretching out the word, just to keep it on his tongue a while longer.

Entirely oblivious, my heart sunk

"...You have a boyfriend..?"

"...I meant you, Kevin."

"Oh.. then just say 'you', you scared me!"

"You." He repeated once again

"...I-I like that."

"I like that, too. I'll see you tonight."

"I'll see you tonight... Boyfriend.."

My heart fluttered just from saying the words. I've never gotten to say that before. I have a boyfriend. And he likes me, he actually likes me.

"You're gonna call me that until you forget my real name, aren't you?"

"Possibly."

"Sounds good... I'll see you tonight" He stood up on his toes to kiss my forehead before he left

I immediately pulled back, wiping my forehead on my sleeve

"Oh- I can feel spit, there's spit on my forehead!" I began to panic