White T-Shirt

열 아홉

Yeona wakes as bile rises in her throat, she stands up and stumbles to the bathroom, kneeling in front of the toilet bowl as she throws up every last bit of liquid in her body. The room spins as she leans her head in her hands, accepting the consequences of her actions, drinking on an empty stomach was not a good idea.

Her hangover is the worst she has ever experienced, she cannot count how many drinks she consumed over the course of last night. So many shots, too many shots, and mixed liquor, she regrets her choices.

As Yeona sits and catches her breath once her vomiting stops, she realises it is quiet, and out of character to not have Jonghyun checking on her when she takes too long in the bathroom. She stifles a gasp and her jaw drops as she replays in her head the conversation they had last night when they returned from the club, the parts of it that she can remember, at least.

I don't know if I can do this anymore.

She had told him almost everything, about her self doubt, her self loathing, her confidence in doubt. She told him that his kindness was overwhelming, that she doesn't know what to do with it. She admitted that the way that she works is by knowing she is not good enough, and that he makes her doubt that.

Did she word it right? Did she explain herself well enough? Does he understand? Yeona's thoughts race with questions, but all of those questions are overridden by a residing order at the front of her mind.

Get out.

She stands up and rinses her mouth out at the sink, before stepping out of the bathroom and back into Jjong's room. Jonghyun is sitting up in his bed with his back against the wall, his gaze directed down at his lap.

"I guess I should go." Yeona says

Jonghyun looks up at her, his eyes are bloodshot, his face is pale. It is evident he hasn't slept, the bags under his eyes are a clear indication of this. He fights back tears as he stares at the woman in front of him, the one he has fallen head over heels for, the one who shattered his heart with a single sentence. He opens his mouth, but pauses to breathe before he musters the courage up to speak.

"I think that's for the best." he replies

He grits his teeth through his lie, wanting nothing more than to keep Yeona with him. Wanting nothing more than to be given the chance to convince her that she is worthy, and she is capable of being treated right. Wanting nothing more than to show her that she deserves to be loved the way that he loves her.

He loves her.

Jonghyun isn't even sure he knows what love is, but when he tries to define it, the only thing he can see is Yeona's face, and the only thing he can feel is the warmth he feels when she enters a room. He has never been in love before, but he has never been so sure that this is what he feels.

Yeona doesn't miss the crack in his voice, and she watches as his face falls again. She dresses herself, and picks up her phone and bag beside the bed.

"I'm sorry, Jonghyun." she says

"Jagi, please don't do this." Jonghyun says, his tone filled with desperation as he begs for her to stay

"I'm sorry, Jonghyun." she repeats

Jonghyun wants to scream, cry, beg, but his body and mind shut down as he watches her turn away. Reality sets in that Yeona has made her choice, and that choice is not him.

Yeona steps towards the door, refusing to let herself look behind her. She has made her decision, however much it hurts her, and she knows that if she meet his gaze, she will run straight back into his arms. She pulls on her shoes and then she opens the door, leaving his room alone.