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열 셋

Yeona wakes up in her boyfriend's arms, the sound of her alarm blaring in her ear from the phone beside her. Jonghyun is awake, his hair dishevelled, dark bags under his eyes from lack of sleep, but he smiles at Yeona as she looks up at him.

"Good morning, Jagi." Jonghyun says

"Good morning, Jjong." she replies

He kisses her softly, enjoying their closeness and the feeling of her lips against his.

"I have class today." Yeona says

"I know, it's okay! I've got class too, and then work. I'll text you when I'm finished?" Jonghyun asks

"Of course. I'll speak to you later, have a great day!" Yeona says

She stands up, pulling on her clothes from the day before, she kisses Jonghyun once more before leaving his room.

———

Yeona walks back to her dorm, undressing and showering upon entering. She dresses in tracksuit pants and a crop top, ties her hair back and pulls on her shoes before leaving again. Instead of going to class, she heads straight for the dance studio, knowing that it will be empty this morning, and knowing that she can use one of the side rooms even if there is a class on.

She scrolls through the songs on her phone, until she finds the one that she wants to dance to. She connects her phone to her Bluetooth speaker, and stands to practice her dance. The choreography she creates is a mixture of interpretive and hip-hop, showing off her talents across the genres. She moves freely to the music, watching her reflection, making sure she hits every single beat perfectly.

She changes songs, and takes the time to create a new choreography, this one is specifically hip hop. Her moves harsh, angry, letting out every feeling of resentment she has. Her expression stone-cold, fearless, and strong, and the movements are solid, powerful and brave, everything that she wishes she could be.

The next song she decides to play is soft, the choreography to match is heartfelt, beautiful, and emotional. Through her dance, she shows her pain, her fears, and her rawest true self. She shows her whole heart, opening up about every hurtful moment she has ever experienced.

All she can think about is Jonghyun, and how she wishes that she could trust him, so that he would understand her. Her heart and mind scream at her again, that he will not stay, that he will run, if he finds out how unwell she is. He is the sweetest man she has ever met, but she is so afraid of falling, so afraid.

Sweating and exhausted, she sits against the mirrored wall and takes a sip of her water. She pulls her phone out of her pocket to see two text message notifications. She realises she has been dancing for hours without a break, it is already getting late in the day.

Taemin
Where are you? We have class.

Jonghyun
I miss you already.

She swipes the notifications away, and opens up her web browser to type in the search bar.

Female k-idol diet.

Yeona reads through pages and pages of websites, occasionally jumping tabs to look at recipes, understand calories, learning techniques to combat hunger and how to burn extra fat. She has never dieted before, but after accepting the decision to audition, she's going to start now.

She doesn't want to tell Jonghyun that she's auditioning, as she is scared of what he will say. She doesn't want to tell Taemin either, but if he gets accepted for the second audition, she's not going to be able to escape him. Yeona doesn't feel lonely, even though she knows she is alone, she has always been independent, and this feels like something she must do only by herself.