Love isn't weakness (Bellarke fanfic)

(35)

Clarke's P.O.V

After dinner I go to the kitchen to help Aurora with the dishes. Before I left the table I gave Bellamy a kiss on the cheek, I can see Aurora smile when I did. "So do you want a future with my son?" Aurora asks me.

"Of course I do, it used to scare me when I would think of a future with anyone but when I think of one with Bell I can't help but smile. He makes me really happy and for once in my life I can think of the future and what I want without freaking out about it" I explain to her.

"What do you see in the future when you think of it with Bellamy?"

"I can see us living in a house with a cat and a dog, with Octavia right next door and my brother right down the street, I see us being married hopefully and I'm happy and you're always over. I can see us having 2 or 3 kids and he will be the best father in the world, and I know this for a fact because I've seen how he is with O. I hope everything that I can see happens and I want it to, with everyone else I have dated over the years I could see this happiness like I do with Bell"

"Wow, you really do love him don't you"

"Yes I do, very much"

We finish up in the kitchen and I see Bellamy sitting on the couch like he was hiding something but I'm not going to read into it, I walk over to him and sit next to him. "Hey," I say to him.

"Hey, what did you and my mom talk about?" he asks me. (okay what is he up to?)

"Just girl stuff"

"And what is that code for?"

"Nothing"

"Whatever you say"

He then pulls me to his chest and we just sit on the couch cuddling and I know at one point Aurora was watching us but then walked away. My head is on his chest and I'm just breathing in his scent, I just can't get enough of it. He smells like forest and a campfire and I don't know why but he does and I love it, I love him and everything about him. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have him in my life or if I didn't meet him on the side of the road that one night after I was hurt, the reason I didn't know who he was when I saw him was because when I met Aurora when O had me meet her I didn't know his name and he thought I was a spoiled brat so I didn't remember what he looked like.

I am just so glad he came up to me that night to make sure I was okay and that I got home okay, he became my friend that night, then things went south and then things...went north again and I'm happy that they did. "What are you thinking about Princess?" Bellamy asks me.

"Everything that has happened from the night you found me to now" I say to him.

"What exactly are you thinking about of the night I found you"

"Just that I am so glad that you found me that night and that we developed feelings because of that, because if you didn't find me that night I would most likely be dead"

"What do you mean by that?"

"If you didn't find me I would have walked down by the bridge and jumped off, I was thinking of a letter to write O and Murphy"

"Why didn't you ever tell me that?"

"I wasn't going to tell someone I hardly knew at the time that I was going to kill myself but because of them I didn't"

"Well that makes sense and I'm just really glad you didn't because I love you and I don't know what I would do without you" Bellamy says to me while he pulls me closer to him. "Now didn't you have letters for me?" he asks.

"You remembered, yeah I do but I'm only giving you one of them tonight, and I love you too" I say to him.

Bellamy's P.O.V

Clarke was going to give me the first letter she wrote me and I'm excited and scared at the same time, I don't know what to expect from them and whatever it is she was pouring her heart out. She gets out the first letter and hands it to me, she gives me a smile then gets up and walks away.

Letter #1

Dear Bellamy,

I know we haven't talked in a long time and that sucks but I hope you are doing okay, the reason why I'm writing a letter is because I'm too scared to pick up the phone and call you...I'm scared that you will hate me and never talk to me if I call. Octavia told me you are doing well at becoming a police officer and I am so proud of you, I know you will be the best one there is, O also tells me that your mom has been doing and I'm glad. The last time we talked was right around when we saw your mom in the hospital, and I'm sorry about everything. I blame myself for not trying hard enough to be ready to be with you at the time and god knows I wanted to, I really did but I just wasn't ready and I know you probably hate me. I don't blame you for hating me (if you do, most likely), I tried dating not too long ago again and it didn't go well; he was a jackass.

I miss you so much and I wish that we didn't stop talking but it's what you wanted, right? I need you Bellamy and I wish I was brave to pick up that damn phone and dial your number and press call but I can't. I hope you're happy and with someone you love because I wish I was, I'm not going to tell O about this because I know she will either want me to call you or force you somehow to call me and I'm not to expect you to call me but can if you want (Clarke's phone #). Octavia wants to set me up on a date and I don't think that's the best idea, yeah I'm ready to date again but having O set me up might be a bad idea.

What do you think? You probably don't care. You'll see this letter with my name on it and do either 1 of 4 things, 1) throw it away and never read it, 2) send it back, 3) read it and then send it back because you hate me, or lastly and the most unlikely thing you will do is read it and end up calling me or writing back and nat hating me.

I wish I was with you or you were with me, anything, and I regret not trying to stay in contact and not trying hard enough to still be friends with you. I'm so sorry but it's what you wanted. I'm sorry for writing this but it's the only thing I can do without freaking out, I'm going to have Lincoln send this out for me because I can't do it and he is the only person who I can have send this without him asking questions and telling O about this.

With all the Love Clarke Griffin <3

After reading what Clarke wrote...I'm speechless. I walk to my bedroom to find Clarke chewing on her fingernails because she is nervous. How could she think I hated her? How?

"So...?" she asks.

"Why did you think I would hate you?" I asked her with love in my eyes.

"I don't know I just did"

"And thinking I...I wish you had sent this to me"

"You do?"

"Of course, because I would have ended up with Echo because this was right before she asked me out"

"Really?"

"Yes, come here...I could never ever hate you and I never wanted to stop talking to you, I just thought that's what you wanted, I thought you hated me so I never tried to contact you unless it was through O, I have always loved you and I always will, nothing could ever change that. And I wasn't happy at this time because O left for college and so did you and thinking you hated me I just didn't know what to do with myself"

"I love you so much Bellamy Blake, I always have and I always will"

"I love you too my Princess"