Take Flight

Sickened

You shake in your bed, rolled in your blanket, your eyes closed. You haven't been able to open them for hours, or was it days ? Despite the heat of the city you bury yourself deeper under the covers. You hear your phone ringing again. It has been ringing for so long now but you don't care to answer it. You don't care about anything just now.

The phone stops its unbearable music and silence invades your flat, even more atrocious. You can't help but wish to hear the ringing again but even that you can't control. No tears are falling from your eyes and through your closed eyelids you can feel their dryness. Even that you can't control.

The silence is broken by a loud and fast knock. That doesn't make you move an inch. The knocking is persistent, it doesn't stop and almost makes you nostalgic about the silence you despised just seconds ago. The banging doesn't seem to stop and suddenly a voice raises from the other side of the door.

"Y/N ? Y/N I know you're in there, open to me please. I'm worried honey please open this door."

Her voice - if it still sounds as rich and beautiful as before - sounds so different in your ear now. You wish to wake up and and hug her, feed off the warmness she brings to you every time she smiles, but your body feels numb and you can get over the pain. The knocking doesn't stop and it drives you crazy. You want to make it stop so bad, but moving a muscle to get your feet on the ground already sounds too much effort and your brain hurts just thinking of it.

And unexpectedly a tear roll down your cheek. You thought it would never happen again. This how hopeless you feel, like you're tied up to your mattress, a slave of your own troubled feelings. You try to get away from this suffocating embrace and roll of the bed, falling on the ground with a loud thud. The knocking stops as your body gets numb again.

You cried. You cried because you love her. You cried because you're scared to love her. You're scared to hurt her, to lose her, to push her away. You're scared of these feelings you never knew before. You're scared you may never reach her the way your heart wants to. You only want to run to her but the world seems to tear you two apart, or maybe this is just a thought.

You don't hear the key click as it unlocks the door, neither do you hear the heels kicking the floor as Angelina runs to you. You can feel her arms around you'll the sudden, her warmness and love invade you. She hugs you tight and you can feel her heart beating fast against your body. She doesn't move, as you do. She just holds you close, and your soul seems to lose some of its cold, just as if she made you functioning again. She gently strokes your hair, without a single word, she wouldn't need any. She softly lifts you up to make you sit and lay on your bed. As she sees the sweat on your neck and temples, she tries to take your jumper off but you push her back as she does. You don't dare to look at her but you know she's perplex and finally opens her mouth.

"Honey what's going on ? Hey, look at me. What's going on ?" her voice is soft and warm, coating you in more love than you've ever felt, "I called a thousand times, I was so worried, you didn't answer ! I thought something bad had happened, I was so scared, I couldn't find a second of sleep. I wanted to come sooner but I couldn't leave Maddox, I came as soon as I could, I'm sorry I wish I could've been here earlier, it killed me not to hear from you. Hey, look at me. Y/N. Look at me. What's going on ?"

You painfully lift your eyes and finally meet hers. Your eyeballs dried out but she can see the red veins in them and you know in the look she gives you that she noticed you cried. A small sad-looking smile appears on her face and she softly lays her fingers on your head and presses it down against her chest, hugging it. You can hear her heart beating fast. Is it what you think it is ?

"It's okay, it's okay, I'm here."

You can feel the blood flood in your veins again, your heart overworking after days of what seemed to be a heart attack. You wish you two could stay together this way forever, a living painting blocked in time. You'd want to never get out of her embrace. You could die in this moment, in her arms, and that would be the less suffering life could ever give you.

"I was sick."

You look at her. They're the only words that can come out of you, but you know she understands. Her eyes sparkle in a way you've never seen in anyone. Or for anyone. Does she...?

"I was..."

"Shhh..." she softly says, putting the tip of her finger on my lips, "It's okay. I'm here now. It's gonna be alright. It's okay. You don't ever need to justify yourself to me. It's alright, I'm gonna take care of you now, I promise."

You feel like more tears could fall off your eyes now if they were not so rare for you. Hiding wasn't the right thing to do, and here in Angelina's arms, you finally understand the only thing you need to make yourself feel alive is her, however scary it is, you know it to be true. You can't ever feel numb around her, she gives you life, she is your life, your heart, your everything. Never would you have imagined before that these were gonna be your thoughts. Love used to have boundaries in your mind but now are these still real ? In the deepest layers of your heart you know they aren't. She took everything out of you and made them better, only she makes you walk on a thread to get them back, and if you're so attracted by them, you're even more scared to fall along the way. But how could you not try ? She is the one you've been hopelessly waiting for. She's the one who made you discover what unconditional love was.

You shift so that your head is buried into her chest as you listen to her heart beating. You couldn't live without its sound. Scary sweet sound.

"I love you."

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is this a cliffhanger? i mean ig yall wanna read what's next anyways (i just hope so-) soooo yuppo.
next chapters gonna be almost no talking so be ready it's maybe gonna be a little heavy
also if you haven't already please check my fanfic thank you, it's a cate blanchett/character :)
i'm also thinking ab starting a fic w everybody i'm simping over but this prolly would be v chaotic so idkk tell me ab it
ok enough talking hope you liked my shit!!
-lou~