Take Flight

The sky has cleared up. Like every year since that one fatal day. This one day, the only one that would not feel the sadness of November, but grief was always in the air, no matter how bright the sun shone. That day, everything was so bleak until it went dark. She remembers the call, the screams, the disbelief, the guilt, the tears that wouldn't come, the violence, the anger; just all kinds of feelings, every single emotion going through her body, through her mind at once. For weeks, it all felt like an odd nightmare. The sort of nightmare you wake up from with a tear on your cheek, your stomach hurting from how real it all felt. And every night, she would wish to fall asleep and wake up to her, telling her she had just had a terrible dream, and that both her lover and daughter were still alive and well, in the warmth of their home. But every night, she would lay awake, staring at the ceiling while her thoughts grew darker. She had lost all sense of time, along with her desire to live. After all these years, she still wonders what brought her back to the real world that was waiting for her outside of the four threatening walls of the room she was confined in for too long.

Maddox. One of the loves of her life. That is one the reasons she is sure was part of what made her heart beat again. That sweet, sweet boy of hers. The last remains of the happiest years of her life. He has grown to become such a fine, smart and kind young man, and every day, only looking at him makes her muscles tighten. Oh, so many memories. Only he knows.

She can see his hands rolled up into fists, his knuckles cracking as he tries to repress his emotions, and she can't help but to tear up at the sight. Over the years, she had witnessed him becoming too talented at hiding his feelings, even to her. She could see the pain and the weight of his fading memories, but all she could ever do was watch. She softly wraps her hand around his, sliding her fingers between his as his fists unclench under the touch. That smile he gives her is the purest treasure, but she only wishes it could be relieved from all the pain. How guilty she feels from keeping him away from that moment for so long. He had always deserved it. He deserved that kind of closure. And finally, today is the day.

"You don't have to apologize again, mom. It's okay. I know you were about to say sorry again, but you don't have anything to be sorry about. None of whatever happened was your fault."

All she can do is smile back to him, her right hand flying to his face to stroke his cheek lightly. Oh, just how she loves to do this.

"She would be so proud of you," she started, swallowing back her tears, "You should never have had to go through this. You were so young. Nobody should ever go through this kind of things."

"You didn't deserve to go through this either, mom."

"I love you so much. She did too, you know."

"I know, mom."

"She had so much love in her, for you and for me; she just didn't spare enough for herself."

So many memories flood her mind, clouding her vision and slowing down her speaking.

"Always keep some space in your heart for yourself, Mad. Because you are the one person you know for a fact you are going to live with forever. You're one you're going to rely on during all of your years. Celebrate yourself. Celebrate the fact that you are here for yourself. Support yourself. Love yourself."

"I will, mom. I promise you. I promise myself, I will. I love you."

"I'm so proud of you. We're so proud of you."

And suddenly, there it is. Rising from the ground like a sinister marble tree unable to grow. There she is. There she lies forever, in a cloud of red velvet and wooden scents, not so far from returning to dust. There she sleeps, underground, so close, yet so far.

Mother and son both stop a few feet away from the gravestone, like scared to get too close to the memories, and to the pain.

"Do you want me to come close with you ? Or do you want to talk to her alone ?"

"I'd like to be alone if that's okay," the young teenager answers after a while.

"Sure, honey."

It takes him a few minutes to step towards the tomb, his breathing heavy and his body even more so. She brushes his back in a comforting way as he walks away from her to meet his other mother after too many years. She watches as he kneels next to the stone, one careful hand on the polished marble; a touch he had been longing for so long now. Admiring him from afar, a proud smile and her lips, she just repeats to herself once more that him being in her life is a gift, one she could not have survived without. He was everything to her when she had nothing anymore. He is everything to her, like the rest of her family. But only he has the burden of the memories of Y/N to bear, and for that a sense of guilt pierces her hearts again. She loves him so much. She doesn't want him to feel anymore useless pain.

"Mom ? Will you come now ?"

She's brought back from her thoughts and can merely faintly nod to the request.

"We're both here, Mama," the boy whispers when she kneels right next to him, putting a light hand on his shoulder, "We're reunited, all of us, our old family."

The tears are rolling on her cheeks.

"We love you. We're here to remember you. You're still alive in our hearts. You always will be. We'll never, ever forget you. I love you."

He closes his eyes for a minute before standing up and muttering a few words about leaving to get to the car now. As she hears her son's steps fading, she breaks down again, like every time. Only this time is different.

"I brought him today. It's been too long you've been gone, and can you believe he's now thirteen ? He's a big boy now. He's still my baby, but he's grown so much. You would be so proud of what he's become. Of what he's becoming. He's amazing. Always has been. I'm sorry,' she chokes of her sobs, "I'm sorry he never came before today. You both deserved to be in each other's presence. I was selfish, but I promise, to you both, that I will never do that mistake again. Never."

She wipes her face with her sleeve, just slightly; she knows her face won't stay dry much longer.

"I miss you. So much. It's hard without you. Time doesn't make it any easier. Brad and the kids give me so much love and warmth, but I always will be your Angelina. God, I miss you so much. Not a day passes that I don't wish it was me instead of you. I just loved you so much. I love you so much. I run out of things to say when I'm here, because all I feel is guilt, and you know everything already, don't you ? All I want you to know is how much I love you. I can't let myself be negative around you anymore, can I ? I just can't. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you... I'm living life for you. Always. I told you I would. I think part of him is too. I don't want that for him, I don't want him to feel burdened, but he loves you so very much. He was so young, but he loved and loves you so. I don't know what he told you, and I don't want to know, but I know it was the best thing you've heard. He always finds better words than I do. I always run out of words to say."

Angelina sadly smiles.

"I'll say it again and again, but I love you so dearly. I wish you were here. I just wish you were here."

And because magic isn't just for children. Because fate isn't so cruel. Because beautiful things can happen in the ugliest of places, and the sun keeps on rising even in the darkest of times, it finally happened. Light as a feather, graceful as ever, sitting on the still marble tree. A caramel-colored sparrow, with the prettiest brown eyes. The prettiest eyes in which some kind of understanding seems to be readable. Intelligence and warmth, along with love and hope.

Angelina painfully closes her eyes, the last of the tears filling them rolling down her face.

"It's okay. We'll be okay."

The breeze makes its feather move, but it doesn't fly away just yet.

"I'm here. I promised you I would."

The intelligent eyes stare into Angelina's.

"I thought I wasn't when they told me that day, just how it happened, but I'm here now. I am."

Some ineffable feeling floats in the air.

"I'm here. I said I would be there until your last flight, didn't I ? I said I would love you before your last flight. You can take flight now, my darling. You can take flight."