Take Flight

Grieving Day

You lift your eyes up to the Heavens. Grey. Grey, just like the stones planted in the ground all around you. The rain is pattering on the marble, the sweet sound of sadness and grief. The drops are falling in your eyes, rolling down your cheek and making your face wet for the first time since that day at the hospital. You haven't been able to shed one tear ever since then. No matter how hard you wanted to cry, to let  your rage, your anger, and your pain out, you never could. Your eyes remained dry.

The only contrast with the grey is the black. Black coats, black umbrellas, black tears streaming down some of the faces of the people standing around you. You can see the black, the darkness on that bleak canvass, but the people, they disappeared. They have faded, blurred, like everything else. Only the sound of the rain appears to be clear to you. The bitter melody of pain. The people standing next to you do not matter. Nothing does. Now is your time to grief, and even though the tears refuse to fall, you can feel every bit of pain in your body, an endless sting in your heart that turned into an intense burn until it made it break. Now is a time you wish you could erase. Something you feared so much, even before it happened it tore you apart. If you had felt pain before, nothing compared to this. It was a thousand knives stabbing your body at once every second of your day, and worse even, it stayed with you in your sleep.

You watch silently, your eyes still deprived from any teardrop, as they throw the wet dirt on that shiny casket, burying deep forever. The thought of wanting to join in had been on your mind for days now. Following her in death seemed like the only option to end the pain. But could you really ? A hand slips between your fingers and holds them tightly. It was a lie. One person still matters. Two, even. You turn to your side and meet Angelina's red eyes, soaked with tears. Maddox has his faced buried into her hair, unable to quite understand the whole situation, the pain, the grief.

And all the sudden, it becomes too much to handle. You let go of Angelina's hand and turn around, walking back to your car, your mind still blank. Your face doesn't show any emotions, but you feel every bit of what you hate burst inside your body. As soon as you as you shut your car door, the whole world is muffled. The rain pattering on the glass drives you crazy. A scream of agony comes out of you. Not the beautiful kind you hear in movies, coming from the throat of a beautiful actor. The kind that breaks your heart from hearing how ugly and full of pain and anger it is. You are so mad. At the world. At the skies. At yourself. You hit your head on the steering wheel, again and again. You barely hear the passage door open and close, but two arms hold you close and keep you away from hurting yourself some more.

"Stop it. Honey, stop it. It won't make her come back."

And there, in this moment, in her arms, your heart cracks open and the tears start flowing. You can't stop them from falling from your eyes, flooding your face. Now that they're here, you helplessly try to make them stop, but it feels impossible.

"It's okay... It's okay honey, you can cry. It's okay..."

She kisses your head, stroking your hair softly, her own tears mixing with yours. Maddox watches you two from the backseat, his own eyes filling with tears to the sight of you both crying together, starting to understand the gravity of what happened. No little sister, that didn't mean much to him at first. How could it ? He never had one and never truly had any expectations. It did sound exciting, but apart from that, what had he lost ? But seeing both of his mothers in such a state of pain, it hit him that it meant much more than that, and even being this young, he could understand that you lost someone you loved as much as you loved him. Angelina pulls him into a hug as she sees him beginning to cry, and you all find warmth in one another, however how cold and dark this day is.

You drive home, the tears drying slowly, making your eyelash clump and your skin tighten. Angelina is holding a sleeping Mad close on the backseat, her eyes wide open. She stopped crying. She is looking at you through the rear-view mirror. She is beautiful, as you know she would always be, but she looked the most torn, tired and in pain you had ever seen her be. She looks paler than ever with deep dark circles under her red eyes. You had waited the time she needed to get back on her two feet before setting a date for the funerals, but she still looks so weak and fragile. She was so close to death that day when you crashed onto the white tiles on the hospital floor, but she beat death, she came back to you. Only your daughter did not. When Angelina woke up after what seemed like a thousand years of restless sleep, you had wished you could have stopped time, make that moment freeze in time, this time not because you wanted to remember it, but because you didn't want to have to tell your lover the baby she had been carrying for those long months had not survived. But you had had to. And you did. And nothing hurt more than to see Angelina scream in pain the way she did. You knew she wished she could have switched places, even though she would've never told you that, you could read it in her eyes, and if you were honest to yourself, you had thought the same while she was unconscious.

As you put Maddox in his bed, you thought about how fragile happiness was. How in a few seconds, all that you had accomplished had been crushed. All this happiness you found in your family, how this had been torn apart when you lost her. As you close the door quietly, you're faced to Angelina. That look she has on her face, how it hurts to see it. Her eyes are shining from the tears peeking again, and you can feel her body erratically trembling against yours as you both fall into each other's arms.

"What now ? How do we live again ?"

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hum- sorry again-
(also can y'all comment your reactions-)