Finding Her Voice

Chapter 5 Fearless Times and Not So Bulletproof Moments

Well, after a confusing conversation with Carter I quickly finished what was left of my chocolate chip granola bar and walked into school. I walk towards my locker while hoping no one says anything about my new look. I also hope no one looks at me at all for that matter. Is it bad to want that? Does that mean I'm anti-social because I love people? I just don't love my friends so much or even really like them for that matter. But somehow I just can't seem to get away from my friends. Tila is waiting for me near my locker. She probably wants to tell me about how much being fat isn't her fault.

I carefully walk over, wanting to be invisible. If only this was a superhero movie and I could have invisible powers. I could be known as invisible women. Yeah, that would be fun. I wish I could just escape from this world to a different world when this one was getting tough for me.

But, sadly this is the reality. This is my reality.

So, I might as well just be a big girl and face the music. So, cautiously I take the final step towards my locker. I ignore Tila and put in my combination to unlock it. Maybe if I don't say anything she will eventually get the picture and go away. Yeah, that's it. That's what I will do. It has to work! She can't be that desperate to talk to me. Can she? Please don't say anything, please don't say anything. I think to myself as I take my books out of my locker and then slam it shut.

I walk away from my locker and head to math which is my first class. I hate math. But of course, I start my day off with the class I despise the most. Well, at least I get it over with. Right? Anyway, as I walk away and head over to math, sure enough, Tila follows me like a lost puppy. "Hey mate slow down. I'm fat, not a runner that won the Olympics!" Tila says, her Australian accent shining through as she slowly makes her way to me.

"What's with the new look? Like the witch hair and weird holes indented in your face?" She asks, not being able to keep her hands to herself. She spreads out my hair like a fan with her chubby white hands. There is such a thing as personal space, people! Look it up!

I opened my mouth to talk but I was quickly interrupted by Tila. "No, wait I really don't care. So anyways, wanna hear about my life and my terrible excuses of parents?" I wave her hands off me and gratefully she keeps them to herself. They were all clammy. I already took a shower. I don't need to get drenched again. Thank you very much! I make my move to talk again, but I get cut off by Tila, again. "Of course you do. Anyways, so my mom yesterday was all like 'move your butt off the couch and pick up your chip crumbs from off the couch.'" She imitates her mom in a real high pitched voice. "She actually told me to exercise and I'm all like 'it's not my fault mom. Get a life and stop butting into mine, god!' And then-" I interrupted her. I was really annoyed at the moment.

"Literally. Shut. Up." I scream at her, Separating the words for emphasis. I don't care how big of a scene I make at the moment. Or how many people are watching me. I just couldn't take her yammering anymore. I move away from being aside from her and step in front of her so she can stop walking to math class and focus on me. "All you do is talk! Whenever I try to speak to you, you cut me off!" She makes her move to speak but I almost immediately cut her off. "No, you are not getting a word in edgewise. My turn to talk! Mine!" I say while gesturing to myself with the fakest smile in the world. "I am just sick of you!" Then I whisper/yell to her, trying not to let anybody hear me talk, but her. "Listen to me because I'm about to drop some knowledge your way. You are fine! Okay? What your mom says isn't right, but I really don't want to listen to you talk about it all day. You are beautiful just the way you are and that's all there is to it." I say, like it's the most obvious thing in the world while shrugging to make my point further.

She looked utterly shocked and almost on the verge of tears. I felt awful for what I had just done, but she needed to hear the truth and what I just told her might help her in the long run. That is if she is willing to take my advice. I then make my way over to my class, shaking so much I feel like my skin will start to peel off my body. Until all that's left is blood and bones. Ugh! What a morbid thought! I sit in the back of my class, not being able to believe that I just did what I did. I hope I didn't hurt her feelings too much. I hope maybe she'll take my advice and start to take off some of that extra weight off because it's obvious she's self-conscious about it. Maybe I should have said it in a nicer way. But I was just so annoyed at that moment. I just couldn't control myself from going all Godzilla on her. Oh well, what's done is done. I can't take it back now. Maybe I can apologize later. But then again, everybody needs a little tough love now and then. Like I said, maybe my advice will motivate her. You never know. But I highly doubt it.