Finding Her Voice

Chapter 6 Beat downs and the Hospital

I was about to teach Lila a very important lesson and that lesson was that you don't mess with the girl who can break you and that includes messing with her friends as well. I know she's kind of my friend too, but in my defense, she's more of a pathetic girl that we all deal with, than anything else. But, today -- for some obscure reason -- she decided to start talking back and play her pathetic -- 'I won't stick up for myself, even if my pathetic life depended on it' -- card.

I need to teach her a lesson about where she stands. Where I'm from -- which is Hartford -- you fight fire with fire and the one who fights the best, wins, while the other gets burned. You take advantage of your enemy when they are weak and don't stop for anything -- at least not until they can taste their own blood -- and even then I'm not sure that you should show mercy upon your mortal enemy. You'll regret it if you feel sorry for them and get all soft and mushy, of course. Believe me, I know!

I know this isn't Hartford and school isn't the same and people aren't the same. I guess I just sorta was used to that lifestyle and played the 'pity me' card. I'm not going to lie, I enjoy playing the 'pity me' card and might take advantage of it when I need that pity and believe me when I say that I need it a lot.

Lila was never really my friend I suppose. I used her as more of a punching bag than a friend. It was a good way to let off steam because she wouldn't do anything about it. I liked it that way, all of us liked it that way. Boyish Vick, crazy Fefe, fat Tila and beautiful Gwen.

Once she starts getting all defensive and sticking up for herself, she'll do it again and again, especially if she sees she can get away with that. And I'm sorry but I just can't have that. I've gone through too much stuff and it feels so good to have the upper hand for once. You know? It's like god has finally got my back on something. I guess all those prayers at night finally came in handy.

Lila was always known as 'goody two shoes Lila' secretly. We never told her her little nickname in case she'd use that as her motive to get back at us. I guess being a goody goody isn't that bad of a thing to be. I just insult her because I know I could never be like her. Kind to know end, sweet, forgiving, shy and most of all, she never gives up. Which in this case is not good for me.

She can't be known as the mean one in the group because that role is already taken by me and plus she's honestly too good to be mean. And that's not a bad thing — as much as I want it to be — I just know in my heart that it isn't. She's not like me or any of the girls in our little group of unwanted misfits. She doesn't have a bad personality or a bad family. Which is why she isn't — and will never be — like us. I guess that's why we all like to make her feel unwanted because we know that we can rag on her all we want, but know matter what the hell we do, we know she has a future. Because unlike us, she has qualities that we will never have and parents that respect and understand her. And that is exactly why I'll fight to the ends of the earth for that one label because that's all I have. People know not to mess with me in highschool. But after this I will be a nothing and Lila, Lila will have everything. That's just the way it works.

Just as I was about to kick the living crap out of poor Lila -- I rolled my eyes so much, I wouldn't be surprised if I could see what was inside my own head -- Jaundice — the janitor — came in. Oh man! Of course she would come eventually, this was her closet after all! Why didn't I lock the dang door in the first place?! I swear I am so stupid sometimes. Ugh! Just then some red, dry substance made contact with my feet.

I quickly recognized the substance to be blood and it was coming from that little brat! "What is going on here?" Jaundice said, worry seeping into that stern voice of hers. Oh great! People always come at a bad time. Right when she puked up blood too! And just as jaundice was walking over too. Jaundice loves Lila sense Lila's so (bitter)sweet. They have this little sickening sweet relationship. Jaundice put her hand over her mouth, speechless and shocked and of course no amount of words could describe how she was feeling. I mean afterall she is a janitor. Her vocabulary is probably limited.