ephialtes [DREAM SMP ONESHOTS :]

13. "I don't like my body." (Fundy angst)

My guys pls request lmao,,, I have no muse but I don't want to discontinue this since I enjoy writing it,,,

Tw. Dysphoria, deadname, bordering panic attack.
Note, this is based off my experience with dysphoria and my memories of unpleasant experiences are pretty foggy, so sorry if this doesn't resonate with you.
I'm going away with some mates so I won't update this week. This is kinda shit bc WATTPAD DELETED MY FUCKING CHAPTER WTF MATE so this isrushed at midnight

Fundy had just gotten out of the shower.

Normally, showers are fine. Normally he could get through them without paying much attention and he'd be ok.

But today he caught sight of himself in the mirror and he felt as though he couldn't look away.

He was shocked by his reflection and specifically his chest- it was so wrong.

He had to look down and away and the fuck a doodle so he caught sight of his too-large breasts.

He felt ill. He felt wrong, and disgusted and dirty.

They didn't belong there, that wasn't him.

When he wore his binder, he could almost forget about his body. He could walk around the school in an oversized hoodie, and with his broader shoulders he could actually get away with it - he could feel confident.

It was so easy to forget about his body, but at this moment it was too-fucking much.

He grabbed a towel and wrapped it tightly around his chest before running straight to his room and closing the door.

He grabbed his binder and struggled to pull it over his head, taking an (admittedly restricted) breath of relief.

He normally avoided wearing it in the house because he wasn't out yet, but right now he fucking needed it.

He quickly pulled on an oversized sweatshirt and jeans and went back to the bathroom, looking at his reflection again.

It was ok. With his short ginger hair, broad shoulders and now flat chest he could pass. He looked normal.

At least he hoped.

He bit his lip. But he still had his feminine nose and lips, and small, smooth face. He hated the fact that his father had to have passed down his"pretty" features.

"Floris?" He heard someone call down the hall. "Lunch is ready."

Fundy barely registered the rest of the sentence, feeling his chest tighten as his breathing sped up and he accidentally by down on his lip so hard it bled.

Normally, hearing that name was fine.

Normally he could get past it and go on with his life.

But not right now.

He crossed his arms tightly over his chest, hands clenched around the material of his sweatshirt, blood still dripping slowly from his lip.

Fuck.

Floris. She/her. Boobs. Waist.

Normally he could go on with his life and push past this. Most days he could make it through.

But not right now.

He could feel himself shaking and vaguely remembered that he had to breathe.

He took in a deep, shuddering breath, wincing slightly at the increased pressure of his binder.

But it was a good type of pressure. It was familiar and comforting.

He took another deep breath in, focusing on the feeling of his chest restricting against the long breaths.

He had no idea how much time had passed that he stood at the mirror, listening to his breathing but eventually Fundy noticed he wasn't shaking.

He vaguely registered the door opening as Wilbur entered and put a hand on his daughter (sons) shoulder. "Floris? Is everything alright?"

Fundy winced at the name and looked down again, focusing on a spot on the floor and trying not to freak out again.

He knew Wilbur didn't mean it - he didn't know Fundy was trans yet, how could he. And Fundy knew that Wilbur would support him if he came out. But he was still fucking scared.

"I-I'm fine. Sorry." Fundy said quietly, wishing his voice didn't sound so fucking high.

Wilbur moved in front of him and dropped on his knee so he was at eye level with his daughter (son). "Ok. But I love you, you know that? You can always talk to me."

Fundy nodded, rubbing his arm awkwardly as he looked down. "I know dad. I'm sorry." He said softly.

"Hey, it's ok. Just remember I'm always here." He smiled at his daughter (son) and held out his arms. "Can I have a hug?"

Fundy nodded, awkwardly hugging his lanky father and trying to hide how much he leant into Wilbur's touch.

He knew he needed to get it over with and tell Wilbur . He couldn't keep going like this, having to hide in his own home

But not today. Right now, he just hugged his dad back, trying to ignore the way his chest hurt as he pressed up against his father

We stan Wilbur the trans ally