May

Thirty-Four

"You know we are here, right?"

"I know. Thank you."

"You are not a burden and I want to hear about your problems, I may not be able to relate but I still want to hear it, all of it."

"Thanl you May, I will let you know when I need a shoulder to cry on." I hug him, at times I feel like we are trying to push him to be happy too fast and that is so wrong of us, we want the old Dylan back but he is never coming back, he is gone, that Dylan is gone and he is never coming back.

"So Josh is back?"

"For about a week."

"Are you guys together again or?"

"No, we are not together, we still love each other but we are still taking a break."

"You guys need to decide quickly what you want."

"We are working on it, you and Ryan?"

"We are good, ever since my aunt left, we are better. He basically lives here at this point, he never leaves unless it is to buy me something. He has been so supportive and I love that."

"I am glad, it's okay to feel happy, you won't be betraying her by being happy but you don't need to rush into being happy either."

"Thank you May and I am fine, I am okay. Stop worrying, ever since you became a full time mom, you are being a mom to us all." He laughs to show that it is a joke.

"Maternal instincts, once they kick in, they never leave." Amari would not leave her father's side, she came to see Dylan for a bit but then she ran back to Ryan and Josh, who are watching soccer.

"Do you want to go join them?"

"Yeah, I do, but first let's go make food, I am hungry."

"We could just order."

"Smart, McDonald's, I am so in the mood for a burger."

"You are almost always in the mood for a burger." He laughs, it seems so natural, it warms my heart.

"I'm always in the mood for food." I sit next to Josh, his arm instinctively wraps around my shoulders, Amari comes and lays on my chest, I guess she is tired, today has been a long day.

"Ami, do you want to sleep?"

"Uhm, can I sleep here?" She looks at me with the same eyes Josh gives me when he is happy.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Mommy." I gasp, I guess only Josh can hear because he looks at me, I shake my head to indicate that nothing is wrong.

Amari never called me Mommy, she called Lani Mommy.

"Okay, baby."

. .

. .

"You sure they know where this place is?"

"Ryan, they better know how to use a GPS, otherwise I am going to be pissed."

"Calm down, Amari will be fine."

"I get antsy when I am not with her?"

"Kind of."

"Dylan said that yesterday. She called me Mommy."

"Why was this significant?"

"She called Lani, Mommy and she called me, Mama."

"Well what did you say to her about Lani?"

"Well, I tried to be gentle, I explained that sometimes people we love move to heaven so that they can watch over us from the sky, I said that Mommy went to the sky to watch over us, she is not coming back but she said that she loves us and that she is always watching."