May

Twenty-Three

"Josh..." I look at him, to find reassurance for the questions I am going to ask.

"It will be okay." Not the assurance I wanted but it is something.

"A mafia is not easy. Running a mafia is not like running a gang. It is more dangerous because people know and it is not as quiet as a gang." My heart is fearful for him, for Amari, for me.

"I know. I can protect you, I will protect you and Amari."

"How? Do you know how much this is going to take from us?" I can not believe this.

"I know, I know, May."

"Josh think about Amari, your first child, your heir. Josh look at her and tell me you want to go ahead with that decision."

"I did not accept as of yet."

"Why?"

"Too many loose ends to tie up before I move on to running a mafia."

"Like?"

"You, Amari and my gang. I owe my uncle my life and he knows that."

"Why? I need the truth, for once, tell me the truth."

"I... I... I can't give it to you. I want to tell you, trust me but I can't. I will protect you with everything I have." Trust, if he can trust me, I can trust him.

"I trust you but tell me when you feel like taking that decision." I hug him,

"Go to sleep, love." I pull him closer but sleep is a far ruminant that I can not find.

Dimitri is the main source of my mind being so active. He is getting closer to finding me and I know it. If Josh accepts that preposition, I am as good as dead along with Ryan, my mother, Lisa and Ash.

My world is going to be shaken again if I do not get rid of Dimitri, but Dimitri is not Nicolas Sarkozy, he is stealthier, more dangerous, more psychotic and way more motivation to have my heart stop beating in his hand, to see the life escape from my eyes, to have me beg for mercy once again. God, do I hate that man.

I feel Josh's grip tighten and this safety and security I feel, will not always be here, at the end of the day, I am still a scared, insecure, unwanted little girl.

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.             .          .

Waking up in bed alone has become an unfamiliar experience. I would have not thought about going to Amari's room if it was not for her bag on the chair.

"I love you." Standing by the threshold listening to them, this normalcy, I crave this, with everything in me but I do not deserve it.

"Say I love you daddy." I want to laugh but I do not. They are so cute. Who knew loving came naturally for Josh.

"Say I love you May."

"Don't force her to say things. They come naturally. Tell daddy that he needs to stop." I look at her, she has his eyes. Those brown eyes. They look amazing, they are not too light or too dark. "Good morning."

"Morning." He kisses my forehead. This picture in my head is so amazing. The moment he kisses my forehead, my eyes closed and Amari laying on her bed. My broken future.

"Come on, Amari, let's go have a bath." Picking her up from her bed and we go to her bathroom.

I asked him to make her some porridge and I pray that he can do it. I have been trying to allow them to bond without me, it just makes me seem excluded and I do not like that.

"May, hello." I am in the bath when Dylan decides to call

"So I can not decide, blue swimming shorts or red ones?"